I fell over on my side and Xari turned over on her back, scooting next to me. I leaned over and pressed a kiss to her dewy forehead. “I keep expecting your caliber of dick to be a fluke but every time you fuck me, it gets better.”
“We can keep testing out your theory if you want. I’m down. I’ll fuck you however many times it takes.” I slid my finger between her breasts and down to her navel. Her skin was so smooth, I didn’t want to stop touching it.
“I bet you will,” she laughed. I leaned over and playfully bit her cheek. I couldn’t resist her dimples. Her laughter tore through the room like sunshine.
“Can I ask you something, Evander?” Her fingers danced up and down my chest, stopping on each of my tattoos.
“What’s up, beautiful?” She took my hand in hers, lacing our fingers together.
“What are you running from?” Her words caught me off guard, I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t know exactly what she was asking me.
“I don’t understand,” I frowned.
“You drink whiskey daily without fail. Not a glass or two but you drink half the bottle. You’re either running from something or you’re trying to drown it. So, which one is it?”
“Can’t I just like whiskey?” I chuckled, kissing the back of her hand.
“Evander, your cum is inside of me right now. Are you really going to try and play me like I don’t know you? I can tell it’s deeper than liking whiskey.”
“Xari, what do you want me to say? I’m covering up childhood trauma or something? That’s not the case. I just…like to drink.”
“You’re just full of shit. So am I though. I get it.”
“I’m not full of shit.”
“You are. You know damn well you drink to ease some kind of pain.” Sometimes I loved how no-nonsense Xari could be. Other times, like now, it pissed me off.
I sat on the side of the bed and rested my elbows on my knees. “I’m going to shower and get ready to write.” She didn’t protest like I thought she would, given how vocal she always is.
I walked into the bathroom feeling heavy. Like Xari unearthed something I kept buried inside and now it was exposed and scraping against my insides. Hot water ran down my skin seemingly peeling away layers of pretty facades I’d accumulated over the years.
I was burying something. Maybe not running from it like Xari first suggested but definitely hiding. I wanted to tell her that she was right but when I got out of the shower, she wasn’t in my room anymore.
Disappointment hollowed my chest as I got dressed. I thought about what Xari said last night about first wanting me when she saw me dressed down in sweats and a t-shirt. She liked me when I was myself. I pulled a blue t-shirt over my head and stared at myself in the mirror. The man looking back at me was disappointed.
I turned my head and grabbed my glass off the nightstand, tipping it up and letting the rest of the whiskey burn its way down my throat. I needed to write.
I needed to open my vein and let my life force spill onto the pages. Even if it was just a poem. I had to write something to free me of my mind.
So I sat in the den and wrote poem after poem. Darkness mixed with regret leaked from my fingertips. I reached down, scooping clumps of earth from six feet deep inside myself. I wrote until my hands buzzed from the raw words flowing. I wrote until the doorbell rang.
I didn’t answer right away because I had to steady my nerves. I couldn’t deal with Alexis while I was a live wire with passion pumping through me. She was a vampire. She would drain me before I even knew what happened.
I took another drink. Then another. And another.
Ding dong!
Knock. Knock. Knock.
With each drink, I realized I was replacing the dirt I’d moved off the buried thing inside me. I was drowning it and hiding it once again. Just when I was getting close.
When I heard Xari’s voice in the foyer followed by Frankie’s, I put my glass down and rushed out to meet them. I didn’t need Xari and Alexis bumping heads again.
“Hey, Daddy!” Frankie rushed me with a big hug, nuzzling her face against my chest. I kissed the top of her head and she was off to the kitchen to see what Xari made for dinner. Alexis stood at the front door, glaring at me like she could smell Xari’s perfect pussy on my skin.
“You need to talk to that girl about getting a social life. I offered to take her to my women’s group brunch and she chose to stay home to make pancakes. What the hell, Van?” She shook her head and looked at me like I was the reason Frankie didn’t want to spend time with her and her group of shallow friends.
“What do you want me to do about it, Lex? I’m not forcing Frankie to be something she’s not. You can either love her the way she is or push her away by forcing her into a box you built.”
“She is twelve. She should have friends. I had so many friends when I was her age. We were going to parties, having fun…”
“She’s having fun,” I mentioned when a burst of laughter floated through the air. I loved the sound of Frankie and Xari chatting and giggling. “You hear that laugh? Plus, Xari is good for her. She pulls her out of her shell.”
“She’s good for Frankie or good for you? I know you’re fucking her, Van.”
“You’re delusional.”
“I’m a woman. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. Like she wants to rip your goddamn clothes off with her teeth.”
“You sure you’re not looking in a mirror because I see the way you’re looking at me right now and I have to say, Lex…It’s making me uncomfortable.”
“You’re such an arrogant asshole. Does your little nanny-dick-warmer know that you will ignore her to write your stupid ass books? Does she know that you won’t take her out anywhere because you’re consumed with characters that don’t exist? Should I tell her now before she’s smitten? Or did you already dickmatize her?”
“You done?” I yawned and stretched my hands over my head.
“Fuck you, Van.”
“No thanks. I already have someone to keep my dick warm.” I winked at her then closed the door. She yelled muffled obscenities at me that I refused to acknowledge. Instead, I went into the kitchen and watched Frankie and Xari. She wasn’t wearing my shirt anymore. Now, she had on footless one-piece pajamas with angel wings and halos all over.
Frankie was busy tasting food while Xari detailed the recipes to her. I watched Frankie record every word and take notes in her mind. My baby girl was growing fond of cooking.
“Did you have fun at your mother’s?” I asked, finally letting my presence be known.
“It was cool,” she said with a shrug.
“You didn’t call me so everything must have been okay.”
“Yeah,” she nodded, tugging on Xari’s hand. “Come on. We have an appointment in my room, remember?”
“Right. Let’s go.” My heart thumped at the sight of Xari’s dimples. She glanced at me and I tried to apologize through my stare. I didn’t know if it translated but I hoped she knew I wasn’t trying to give her the cold shoulder.
After they disappeared upstairs, I went into the den and started writing again. Page after page flew from me with ease. I should have been editing my finished book, Riley’s Song but I couldn’t stop myself from writing once I started.