“The only time I’ve seen him relax a little is when Frankie is around. You’ve unlocked a part of him. It’s interesting.” I shifted on the bed and pulled my knees up to my chest. I missed Evander right then. I wanted nothing more than to lay my head on his chest.
“Navy,” I said in a small voice. “What if he wants to put things between us on hold until he can get Frankie to come around?” The silent worry leaped from my heart and into the air. I couldn’t take it back once it left my mouth.
“I don’t think that’s going to happen, Xari.”
“He will do anything for Frankie and I don’t blame him I’m just wondering where that’s going to leave us.” I sucked in a quick breath then shook the selfishness from my thoughts. “You know what…it’ll be fine. If he needs to put a hold on us to work things out with his daughter then who am I to pout about it, right?”
“Yeah but that hasn’t happened yet so you’re tripping over a hypothetical situation. Calm down, Xari. I’ve never seen you confused before. This is weird.”
“I’m not confused. I know Evander loves me I just don’t know if love is enough when there’s a kid involved.” The weight of being with Evander hit me hard.
Being with him meant I’d have to shift my relationship with Frankie. It would mean the possibility of being a stepmother one day.
The thought chilled my blood.
A stepmom?
Could I handle that?
Sure, it was fine when I was Frankie’s nanny but there was a chance that things between Evander and I could grow and blossom. It meant I’d have to deal with Alexis on a personal level and not a professional one.
Everything I knew as a part of my job would fuse with my personal life. I couldn’t shrug it off. I would have a man with a kid and a quintessential baby mama. I hated that term with a passion and always tried to say child’s mother instead but no phrase fit Alexis better than calling her what the fuck she was…a bitter baby mama.
“Xari, you there?” Navy’s voice cut through my fog.
“Yeah…just thinking, that’s all.”
“About?”
“Being a stepmom one day and dealing with Alexis,” I rolled my eyes involuntarily at her name coming out of my mouth. Ugh. It felt sour.
“Wow, you jumped ahead, didn’t you? Don’t worry about being Frankie’s stepmom or fighting with Alexis. Right now, focus on repairing what’s broken with Frankie and working out your new relationship with Senator Freeman.” She sang his name in a teasing way that forced a reluctant smile on my face.
“Stop it, Navy,” I chuckled.
“Xari and Evander sitting in a tree…”
“I will disown you. We are not in elementary school,” I hissed.
“K-I-S-S-I-N-G…”
“Oh my god, Navy. You’re supposed to be the mature one. Stop it.”
“First comes love…”
“Navy!” I snapped. I still couldn’t stop myself from cracking up laughing. My shoulders jumped with each line she sang.
“Then comes marriage. Then comes the baby in a baby carriage.”
“Ugh. I am not getting pregnant and stretching my body out. I’ve seen what babies do to a perfectly nice body.” I frowned at the thought of being pregnant but something in my mind jumped up and down with glee at the thought of having Evander’s baby and all of us being a family.
“Yeah, there wasn’t enough disdain in your voice for me to believe you’re not thinking about getting knocked up by Evander.”
“Whatever. Having a baby and getting married have never been on my to-do list. You know that. I just want to play…”
“For the philharmonic, I know. It’s literally been your dream since you first touched a harp and realized you were the best. Nobody said you can’t eventually have a family and play professionally.”
“Stop talking about family. It’s creeping me out,” I huffed. “I don’t want to have a baby now or in the future. It would deplete my shopping budget and how am I supposed to afford myself plus another, smaller, cuter version of me?”
Navy laughed at my response then sighed a little. “You’ll be okay,” she assured me. “I’m happy that you’re happy and I think you and Evander will figure out the best way to get Frankie to come around. The bottom line is, there are some things she can’t understand right now. She’s only twelve.”
“You’re right. I just hate that she’s hurting because of me. Normally, I wouldn’t care but I really do love Frankie. I love Evander too. I just want everything to work out.” I’d never cared about much outside of my family and playing the harp. Now, I had these two people in my world and I cared deeply about them. I loved them. They were a part of my family now. Things had to be made right.
“It will, sis. Listen, you get some rest and call me tomorrow when you guys get back, okay?”
“Okay, Navy. Love you.”
“I love you too, Xari, and I’m proud of you.” That last part made me smile even after the call ended. She was proud of me. It meant so much. My heart swelled in my chest despite the cyclone of bullshit I was going through. Hearing my big sister say she loved me and she was proud of me made me feel like I was doing something right.
I’d take whatever wins I could get.
…
TWENTY-ONE
Frankie gave Xari and me the silent treatment the entire drive. I was letting her have space because she needed to deal with her emotions. As much as I loved her, I couldn’t step in and interfere. She felt hurt and betrayed by both me and Xari. I understood that. I refused to let her run away from what was bothering her though.
Freezing me out wasn’t going to make anything better and it damn sure wasn’t going to make it go away. She had to learn how to deal with uncomfortable things. I would have to learn to be okay with it if she wanted to remain upset with me, but she at least needed to articulate her feelings.
I looked out of the window when we pulled around my circular driveway and a frown crushed my face.
“What the…” The words involuntarily fell from my lips when I saw Alexis’s car already waiting. “Frankie, did you call your mother?” I turned to the twelve-year-old sitting beside me with her arms folded in a clear act of closed-off defiance.
“Yes.” It was the first word she’d spoken to me since last night when she told me no after I asked if she wanted to talk to the chef who catered the wedding. Her tone was still cool and barbed.
“Wow,” Xari scoffed from the front seat. I sat in the back with Frankie, hoping she would warm up to me enough to talk. It didn’t work.
“Wanna tell me why you called her?” I asked. My voice must have had enough ice in it to remind Frankie that while she was pissed at me, I was still her damn father.
“I want to stay with her this week.”
“This week?” I hoped like hell I didn’t hear her correctly. “You need to explain this to me and quick.” My eyes drilled into hers and she pulled her shoulders up around her ears, too scared to meet my gaze head-on. I didn’t blame her.