"You know, Dad... now that I'm thinking about it, I don't remember the last time you said, 'I just want to see how you're doing'. You never call me unless you want to brag about something shady you did, or something you just bought, and it's always about you. You never ask me about my cat. You never ask me about my day. If you didn't have to breathe, you'd never stop talking about yourself. So... stop calling me. I don't care, and you obviously don't either." And I hung up on him. This time, I wasn't going to let him talk over me. I wasn't going to let my dad dismiss me. If he ever contacted me again, it better be to say he was sorry and he'd be better. And then, if he didn't live up to that, I wouldn't give him a second chance.
He didn't deserve anything from me.
Straightening to flop my head back, I winced when I hit something, and I twisted sharply. Opening my mouth to yell at whatever inanimate object had the audacity to bang my head, my mouth dried immediately. The naked, dripping wet chest that whirled around to face me rippled with tension, and my eyes almost boggled out of my head. Trailing up, my pupils blew as a familiar, shocked face flooded my vision.
"Melissa?" Carl sounded as surprised as I felt.
My chest tightened as all my emotions hit me square in the gut. He pulled out his ear buds, his features twisting in concern. Huge, fat tears started streaming down my face, and I grappled my chest with both my hands. My lungs were on fire, unable to expand from the sheer magnitude of my feelings crowding them.
"Oh, shit— hey—"
He leaped over the wooden railing of the cabana, crouching on the bench to snatch my purse off the table. My wheezes rose above the rain, blood pounding against my ear drums as my heart rampaged through my chest with no care.
"Here— here, close your eyes and focus. It's okay." Holding my inhaler to my mouth, Carl cupped the back of my head gently. His soft, soothing words barely breached my muddled mind, and I managed a shallow breath of medicated spray. "It's okay. I'm here. Just relax, Mel."
My head spun even as my inhaler did its job, and Carl set it down with a clatter to gently stroke the length of my throat. Icy prickles pierced between my ribs and gripped my heart, and I clenched my jaw hard as I took great, heaving gasps through my nose. Shivering hard, I cracked open my throbbing eyes but immediately shut them again. A strangled noise escaped me, my fists flying to bang weakly on Carl's chest.
"Fuck! Fuck! God damn—" Grinding the slurs through my teeth, a sob tore from my throat. Panting furiously, I glared through my tears as steam practically poured from my ears. My brief attack left my breathless, flames engulfing my chest and spine. Tremors gripped every muscle in my body, and hot air that I couldn't replace invaded the thin space between my brain and my skull.
"Melissa?"
The coo snapped my eyes up, and I tensed as Carl cupped both my cheeks. His touch was so warm, battling the frigid cold that threatened to overwhelm me.
"Hey... what happened, huh?"
"What the Hell is wrong with him?" My voice broke harshly, and my lips tingled wildly as I pursed them together.
Slowly, Carl dragged his palm down to my chest, and I automatically took as big a breath as I could manage. The worry in his eyes didn't ease, but the tension in his face did, and he nodded a little to himself.
"He didn't even say 'hi'!"
"You wanna talk about it?"
Shaking my head hard, my hair whipped at my face, and I sniffled hard. Leaning back, Carl sat down with a low grunt to let the silence fill the air. The rain hitting the concrete sidewalk behind me slowly filtered back into my scope of comprehension, and my goosebumps started receding. An ache began to pound behind my eyes.
"... He told me he met some richer-than-God woman that made my mom look poor." Out of the corner of my eye, Carl tensed at my rasp, his eyes boring holes into the side of my face. Glaring hotly at my phone on the table, bitterness stained my tongue. "She's probably some young divorcee that blackmailed her ex into supporting her lifestyle somehow. Scum attracts scum. He said he was gonna bag her and get all her money. What the Hell kind of person is he that he says that like he's proud of it? That he's got this amazing, genius idea and— I mean— he's balding, for God's sake!"
Blurting out that last part in utter disgust, a hard shiver lodged between my shoulder blades.
"That... I really don't know what to say to that, Mel. I'm sorry you have to go through all this."
Reaching with trembling hands to wipe my face roughly, I sniffed painfully before grabbing my purse.
"For what it's worth, I didn't even notice you or hear anything you said."
"You got what you wanted, though." His gaze on me turned questioning, and I plucked out a tissue from the packet to cast him a sidelong glance. "I had an asthma attack, and you saw it this time."
"You had a panic attack that triggered an asthma attack, so it really didn't help me much. I'm sure it felt a lot worse than it was because of the former."
Scrunching up my nose in distaste, I ducked my head to blow and wipe as discreetly as I could.
"Do you want me to give you the names of a few therapists to help you through this?"
"No— no, I... I think it was a one-off... I hope it was, at least. It's just— my dad said that, and I gave him a piece of my mind, and then you just happen to be standing behind me..." Casting him a curious glance, my eyes ached to explore his faintly defined chest. Carl swiped back his wet hair, his earbuds dangling off his neck and drawing attention to his collar bones. "Why are you running in the rain?"
"Ah, my sister's in the tea shop. I was waiting for her to come back. I didn't even see you over the railing."
He rubbed his neck, almost bashfully, and my heart fluttered lightly at how hot he was. Every time I saw Carl, he got more attractive. Not good.
"I always wished I had siblings. My parents didn't want me, you know? But that never stopped my mom from making me feel like she did. She and I had our problems, right, but she never made me feel like I wasn't her daughter. My dad... he never shared that view." The memories of when I was thirteen and my mom found out about my dad's cheating the first time popped into my head, crystal clear— as if it'd happened yesterday. "My mom sat me down one day after school and told me my dad's cheating wasn't my fault. That she may not have wanted kids, but she was blessed and couldn't imagine her life without me. I may not have been planned, but I wasn't unwanted."
"Do you figure she married your father for you?"
Despite how hard I tried, my lower lip puffed out in despair, and I nodded dully.
"She sounds like an amazing woman, Melissa."
"She was. I think I blame myself an appropriate amount. I know it's not my fault, but it's still my fault, you know? If that makes sense. There's plenty of blame for all three of us."
For a second, Carl looked like he was going to say something but decided against it. Just sharing that made me feel so much better, and I absently reached over to grab his hand. He smiled, relief and tenderness shining in his eyes, and squeezed my hand.
"Thanks, Carl."
"You're welcome." Twisting to glance behind us, Carl cleared his throat a little before nodding firmly. "If you have another emergency today, go to the hospital and shoot me a text, okay? Have you used your CPAP machine yet?"