"I know, but I really want to at least introduce you to him, Carl. I haven't invited him yet. I wanted to ask you first. Your sister already said it was fine." A war rampaged through my chest, and I pursed my lips to hide my grinding molars. I wanted to be open to the idea of my mom being happy and having a relationship, but...
There's just something about the words 'my mom has a boyfriend' that makes me cringe.
"I mean... I guess I could meet him? At least— please tell me he's not my age or something?"
"He's fifty-six. Thank you, Carl."
I kept my damned mouth shut at my mom's happy, satisfied tone. Really, I shouldn't judge the guy when I hadn't met him. He wasn't automatically terrible because he was dating my mom.
"So, I'll let you go for now, okay? I'll see you on Tuesday."
"Yeah. I'll see you on Tuesday, Mom." Hanging up, I stared dazedly at my phone and covered my mouth with my free hand. Squeezing my jaw, my nose scrunched up in distaste. Briefly, I debated texting my sister, but she was probably cramming right now for her test.
What a Hell of a distraction.
Chapter 5
Melissa
"I don't know, Terry. That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen." Leaning on the balcony of my apartment, I crossed my arms as my neighbor shot me a wild look. "He's my doctor. It's against the rules."
"Doctor-smoctor. Just get a new pulmo-whatever, and then you won't be his patient anymore, Mel."
I could only frown blandly at that, and Terry puffed out his lips in a smoochy gesture.
"You don't even have to roleplay it. How much fun is that?"
"I did not just hear that." Shaking my head, I dropped into the comfortable, deep wicker chair to huff.
Terry laughed a happy sound, but I was anything but satisfied with the way this conversation was turning out. My Maine Coon, Kimi, immediately jumped on my lap, and I smoothed her fur down her back. Tearing my eyes off Terry, my brows drew tightly as memories played behind my eyes.
"I just thought he was cute. I mean, we flirted a little, yeah, but that was before I knew he was my doctor. And it doesn't matter anyway. The closest Pulmonologist that isn't an idiot is in Providence. I don't want to make that kind of trip for every test and stuff."
"Well, once you get your machine thing to help you sleep, why don't you just drop him as your doctor?"
That's a good question. Leaning back, I stroked my cat as she started purring noticeably, and my mind whirred. I needed a CPAP machine; the nebulizer just didn't work, and I was out of options. If the CPAP machine failed me, too, I'd have to move somewhere with no pollen— like the moon.
"Because my asthma is getting out of control, and I really would rather not die of suffocation. He's cute, and kind, and seems like a stable guy, but he's also my only option right now." I understood Terry's point well; he'd acted on his spark with his partner, and here they were six years later, deliriously happy. His husband was so sweet, and they'd overcome obstacles similar to mine. Terry was a student in college, and his husband was a TA— it wasn't the same, of course, but there was a lot of stigma they had to overcome.
But Carl was my doctor, and his life could be ruined if he dated a patient. Even if I dropped him as my specialist, wasn't there a certain amount of time we had to wait? Wouldn't his reputation go down the gutter? All for what— a fun time that may last a little longer than either of us expected?
The risks just grossly outweighed the satisfaction far too much.
"Yeah... I guess I can't argue with that. Maybe, you'll get lucky and the hospital will find him a partner? Either way, it's shitty circumstances, Melissa."
I hummed softly in acknowledgment, and I glanced over as Terry leaned on the short rail dividing our balconies. "I'm not sure what I would do in your situation. At least, with Mark, all I had to do was switch to taking the class online..."
"Isn't the obviously best option to not do anything at all?"
He didn't have an answer for me, and I didn't have one for myself. Honestly, I wasn't even sure how this conversation came to the point of validity. Dating Carl wasn't going to happen— nope, no way. I wasn't going down that rabbit hole even though Carl was cute... and nice... and just as tall as I liked...
Shaking my head viciously, I reached by my chair to grab my glass off the floor and take a large gulp of lemon water. My thoughts didn't stop racing, but changed trajectory slightly, and an ache formed behind my eyeballs.
Here I was, talking about Carl— a man I had almost no experience with— when my own dad was refusing to talk to me because it'd mean he'd need to apologize. Not only for my asthma attack a few days ago, but also because he didn't even stick around to see if I was okay.
"Do you think I should seriously consider cutting my dad out of my life?" The question sent a pang through my chest as it rolled off my tongue. I loved my dad, but he had so many faults, and they were having a negative impact on me. "He literally disregarded my health concerns. My asthma attack could've been a lot more serious than it was, and it was really bad. All because he 'had something special to say'... which we never got around to, by the way."
"I think you should seriously consider expressing your feelings instead of hoping things get better next time. We've been neighbors for years, Mel, and you've never had an encounter with your dad that you didn't bitch about afterwards for some reason. I have a feeling that if you told your dad exactly how you felt, you wouldn't need to cut him out— he'd do it by himself rather than try to change."
My cheek twitched in a small frown. Terry was able to perfectly put my anxiety into words, and I instantly slumped in misery. Scratching Kimi's head absently, I frowned as I wiggled my bare toes on the ottoman.
"You're an adult, but you're still his kid, Mel. It's not and shouldn't be your obligation to deal with him just because he's your dad. Considering all the grief he's put you through, I'm honestly surprised you still put up with him."
"I don't know. I guess... I just... Mom's gone, you know, so I guess I don't want..." Trailing off uncertainly, I pursed my lips thinly while Terry nodded out of the corner of my vision. "I don't want my cat to be the only thing in the world that loves me, even if it's a fantasy. Until I have no reason to believe it, I'll keep on."
"You literally just said your dad didn't care if you died, as long as he felt good about himself by taking you somewhere nice." Terry hung his upper body over the short, 4-foot divider to snap at me— not rudely, but like he was trying to wake me up. His wide, brown eyes grew wider when his brows disappeared above his hairline. "Hello! Melissa, are you seriously going to say that shit and then ignore it? Just because your asthma attack could've been 'more serious' doesn't negate the fact that he knowingly brought you somewhere that triggered it, even after you pointed it out and suggested alternatives. Okay— your dad knowingly put you in harm's way. It doesn't matter that you're okay now— you could've had to be hospitalized or worse— you could've suffocated right at that table and died. If your dad purposely ran you over with his car, but you didn't die, would you forgive him? This is exactly the same."