Rage blazed in her eyes. “I don’t guilt you. If you feel guilt over the way you abandoned your family—”
“I left to go to school. Most parents would be proud!”
“Oh, you were eager to leave us. You hate this life. You probably hate us.” Her voice broke, and I could see the sheen of tears in her eyes. Goddamn, but she was so good at this. Maybe she even had herself fooled. But I couldn’t let myself fall for it, even if it did make me feel heartless.
There was one sure way to end this.
“I don’t know what my future holds,” I said in a shaky voice, “but I’m seeing someone, and he has a few more years left of school, so I probably won’t be home. I could visit on holidays if —”
“He?”
There it was. The horrified tone that would set me free.
“Yeah, Mom, I have a boyfriend. And wherever I end up, it’ll be with him.”
Tense silence swept in, the calm before the storm. I spoke quickly before my mother could decimate me.
“I’m bisexual, and I love him, and he’s my future. Not you. You’re my parents, and I love you, and I hope — I really do hope — we can have a relationship, but I can’t promise to come back and take care of you.”
“We don’t need you to take care of us,” Mom sneered. “Just go on and run off and be selfish. We’re used to it. You live your life, and we’ll happily live ours. I don’t judge; I leave that up to the Lord. I just hope you find your way before it’s too late.”
That hurt. But it was almost a relief. I had permission to leave this time, permission to live my life, even if it was caustic and resentful.
I swallowed hard, my heart aching.
It was one thing to know your family took advantage, and it was another to have them dismiss you from their lives. I wanted freedom, but I also wanted love. Maybe there was no way to have both.
“Call me if you change your mind,” I choked out before fleeing out the door.
I was in the middle of the street before Earl caught up with me. “Ace! Wait up.”
I turned, wary of taking more abuse. “I should get going,” I said tensely.
He lifted a hand as if to pat my shoulder, then dropped it to his side. “Give your mom some time. She’ll come around. You know how hot her temper can be.”
“I do.”
“You did good, earning a college degree. I’m real proud of you. Take care, all right?”
A little stunned, I nodded. Earl rarely interfered, letting my mother take the lead in “parenting.” Though I hadn’t missed the fact that he waited until we were outside, with no chance of her overhearing.
When I reached the car, Jeremy was leaning against the hood, talking with Enrique, from across the street.
“Hey, man,” he said, reaching out to slap my arm.
“Hey. How’s it going?”
“Good, good. Just back on holiday, you know. I’ve been at school. My mom is missing me like crazy. I had to get out here, get away from the smothering.”
“That’s cool,” I said. Enrique’s mom worked her tail off to take care of him and his brothers. She was a hugger; Jeremy and I had both experienced firsthand the squeeze of love Enrique’s mama liked to deliver to boys she thought needed it.
Jeremy straightened. “We gotta get back. I’m starving. Good to see you, Enrique. Tell your mom not to work too hard.”
He snorted. “She won’t listen but will do. Happy Turkey Day.”
“Stuff yourself and be fat and happy,” Jeremy returned with a grin.
Once we were in the car, I let out a shuddering sigh, all the tension I’d been carrying finally releasing its hold.
“Want to talk about it?” Jeremy asked.
I shook my head, in no place to relive that confrontation. I just wanted to get back, take a minute to myself, and process what I was feeling.
Jeremy, being the good friend that he was, started the car without another word and drove us home.
20
Benji
“I still can’t believe Benji’s in looooove,” Steph teased as she bounced around the kitchen, making a pest of herself. While I chopped veggies for a salad, she ate half a jar of olives. “And with Ace!” She wrinkled her nose. “That’s like being in love with a brother.”
I scoffed. “Don’t even play. I wasn’t the only one with a crush.”
She turned red. “I don’t know what you mean.”
I’d been fifteen when Ace left for college, but Steph had been thirteen. Old enough to crush on the hot friend who came around and was always super nice.
“You’re just jealous he’s mine,” I said, even as I wondered where the heck he was and if he even cared that he’d taken off without a word to me.
I heard the front door open and abandoned the veggies I’d been wrangled into chopping.
“Where have you been?” I demanded as Ace and Jeremy walked inside. “I’ve been here working while you guys just take off and leave me?”
“Sorry,” Ace muttered, brushing past me. “Bathroom.”
I watched him stalk toward the back hall, my mouth hanging open. “Did he seriously just blow me off?” I turned to Jeremy. “I thought I was more than his friend’s little brother.”
“Then maybe you should act like it.”
“Excuse me? You guys are the ones who took off and left me like old times. So great that you worked out all the friendship angst though. Who cares about the guy stuck molesting a turkey!”
Jeremy grabbed my arm, dragging me toward the hallway. He spoke in a low, tight voice as we crossed the living room.
“Benji, this isn’t about you. Ace just went to see his parents.”
“Oh.” My heart sank, remembering that all the time he’d spent around our house when he was younger was partially an escape. His mom had always been volatile. Jeremy had witnessed her blow up more than once.
“Obviously, it didn’t go super well,” Jeremy added.
“Okay, I didn’t realize… Do you know what happened?”
“I waited outside, and he didn’t want to talk on the ride home. Just … go in there and do your boyfriend shit.”
“My boyfriend shit?”
“You know … be supportive.”
“You said he didn’t want to talk.”
Jeremy rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath. Then he fixed a stern gaze on me. “He didn’t want to speak to me. You? I don’t know. Just go in there and show him that you care.”
“Right.” I nodded. “Thanks, Jer.” I hesitated. “And, uh, sorry I didn’t tell you we were dating right away. I was afraid you’d ask him to choose.”
He looked baffled. “Choose? I don’t want to date him.”
I shoved him, barking a laugh. “You know what I mean, dummy.”
He smirked, reaching out to ruffle my hair. “Kid, I’d never steal your boyfriend, even if he was my best friend first. Now go be considerate. I know it’s a stretch, but—”
I flipped him off as I turned toward the bathroom. I could be considerate. After all the times Ace let me cry on his shoulder? I owed him. But even if I didn’t, I wanted to be there for him, to be the person who could give him comfort and love.