“If you’re smart, you figure out your own way to set boundaries without them ever realizing they’re respecting them,” Nicola states, leaning forward. She’s sitting across from me, her eyes bright and mischievous as she shifts her gaze from side to side.
“Nicola is right,” Lenora states.
Suddenly, I have the attention of the entire table. “I’ve seen how these men are. I’m sorry, but I don’t think there are any boundaries that can be set. They do what they want, the way they want. They take what they desire, when they desire it. They do not understand the concept of consequences for their actions, not when it comes to women or power.”
The entire table is silent. That is, until Nicola reaches across the table. She takes my hand in hers. My gaze is focused on the table, I’m too embarrassed to look at any of them. My outburst was rude and extremely uncalled for.
“Luciana and I know what you’re saying, Pippa. We have seen the way the old school men acted. If that is all you know, then your assumptions are correct,” Nicola says, surprising me.
Lifting my eyes, I blink in surprise as I look up at her. “She’s right, you know?” Luciana agrees with a nod.
“You’re telling me a generation is completely opposite of their fathers, just like magic?” I ask. My skepticism is clear in my voice.
My father was a good enough man, but I’m under no illusion that he was good in any sense of the word. He had a side whore, he fucked over the famiglia. He was branded and killed a traitor.
The only reason my family was taken care of is because my mother bartered with Antonio Rossi for Bellarosa. Her body for continued support of us. My mother sold my sister into a life of sexual servitude to keep from having to get a job and support three daughters all on her own.
In the end, it didn’t matter much. Rossi and his men dragged my mother off after he took Bella and we never heard from her again. Bellarosa entered into her new life and my sister and I lived with Aunt Irene who gladly accepted my sister’s hard-earned money.
Lenora clears her throat from a few seats down. Shifting my gaze over to her, I watch as she smiles in my direction.
“Maybe because I wasn’t raised in this life, I don’t know what the other men have been like. But I just want to say that although it isn’t going to be easy, from my experience, just talk to him. They may be hardheaded, they may be stubborn, but I think that most of them are reasonable.”
I can’t help it. Shaking my head, I let out a laugh at the same time. They probably think that I’m on the verge of losing my shit and maybe I am. It’s hilarious though. How they think that these Made Men are somehow different from any other Made Man of the past is hilarious.
They aren’t.
These women are just like all the others before them, blindly in love. I’m not the kind of woman that is going to burst their bubbles. There’s no point to it. Instead, I smile and shrug my shoulder.
“I suppose I shouldn’t judge him before I even know his name.”
Lenora smiles, Nicola smirks, but Luciana’s gaze narrows. She knows I’m just saying that to shut them up. Thankfully, she doesn’t call me on it. Instead, I watch as she reaches for her glass of water and takes a big drink.
I focus back on my salad while the conversation shifts to something else. My mind is consumed with a million different thoughts. Everything flits around in my head. I wonder what the wedding decorations will look like, the cake, and every other tiny detail that I won’t have time to pick out myself.
“Have you decided on a wedding planner?” Luciana asks me a while later.
The luncheon is starting to wind down, Lenora’s baby is becoming a bit fussy from being stuck at the table in her lap. I watch them for another moment, hoping that I’ll be able to be where she is one day in the future.
“I suppose I’ll need one. I have no idea how to plan a wedding, or even who to invite. The only person from my side that I want there is my sister. I have a few friends, but they wouldn’t understand any of this,” I admit.
I know that my friendships with my high school and college friends are now over. They know nothing about the famiglia. They won’t understand anything about my new life and I won’t be able to tell them very much, either.
It’ll just be easier if I fade away. I agreed to this arrangement. I need to dive in headfirst, all in and holding on to my past, seeing my friends go to school, fall in love, get married, work their dream jobs and start families isn’t healthy. Not when I know that I won’t have any of that for myself.
Luciana clears her throat. “We’ll get you set up. Can you meet up tomorrow?”
I almost snort at the ridiculousness of her question. Where the hell else would I go? Instead of being a smart-ass, I clear my throat.
“I’ll be around. I’m still staying at the casino in one of the suites right now,” I admit.
Luciana’s eyes flash. It’s an unreadable expression and she wipes it off of her face before she replaces it with a smile. “We’ll come by and see you tomorrow,” she says. “Maybe Mia will come by and visit too?”
“I like Mia,” Lenora announces.
“You like everyone.” Chloe laughs.
Lenora wrinkles her nose. “I didn’t like Wynter,” she mumbles.
Luciana leans forward. “Nobody liked Wynter, not a single human on earth.”
I don’t ask who Wynter is. I’m not sure that I want to know and with the way they’re talking, I won’t ever have to worry about her. We part ways, I follow Lenora toward her SUV. I wave at all the other women, but I can’t deny that I’m happy to be heading back to the casino and my solitude.
Lenora’s driver, Enrico, is waiting close by. I don’t know where he’s been this whole time, but I have no doubt that he’s had his eyes on Lenora every single minute. He gives me a half smile and helps all of us into the SUV before he makes his way toward the driver’s seat.
The ride back to the casino is in silence. I’m glad. I need the quiet. As soon as the SUV pulls up in front of the unmarked brick building, Lenora reaches for my arm.
“I know that you’re going through a lot. Just believe me when I say that we’ve all been through it. Luciana and Nicola probably more than me. I fell in love with Carlo before I knew who he was. But they were raised in the life, they know more than I do about all of this. Take their advice, they are good women and they only want to help.”
I shake my head, closing my eyes slowly. “They didn’t have to choose between selling their bodies to the highest bidder or selling themselves into a marriage with a stranger. None of them are like me, but you’re sweet.”
“You don’t know their stories, trust me, you’re more alike than you think,” Lenora calls out softly.
I don’t look back. I head toward the door where Enrico is waiting for me. He dips his chin, unmoving as I approach. Tilting my head back, I look into his dark eyes.
“You will be fine, cara. Trust your gut on this, trust your gut on everything you do in life and you’ll be okay.”
“How do I trust my gut when I don’t know what the fuck is going to happen to me?”
He smirks. “Sometimes great things come from the unknown, sweetheart.”