“I’m just thinking about what Brax told us,” he admits in a hushed murmur. “And…and how happy I am to have you back. I missed you, Hadley. More than I care to admit.”
Is it possible for a heart to simultaneously flutter to life and break at the same time? Preston’s confession causes butterflies to take flight in my stomach and my heart to pound erratically. At the mention of Braxton, my mood sours, and that previously beating heart stutters to an abrupt halt.
If what Braxton told me is true—and I’m not doubting him for even a second—then Caius is stealing the essences from souls, trapping them in Hell, and then transforming them into monsters. Beasts. Hideously grotesque creatures that lurk down below.
But why? What’s the purpose? Caius told me that he’s ingesting the essences in order to survive, but once he gets his body back, he’ll be able to put the essences back inside the souls. Did he lie to me?
Of course he did. Everything he told you was a lie.
I shush my mental voice, pressing my lips into a solemn line. Something about this entire thing doesn’t add up, but I can’t tell if it’s because I’m confusing my fake emotions with my real ones, or if it’s because I’m seeing a man who doesn’t actually exist. I want to see the good in Caius, believe that there’s a sliver of the man I’d thought I loved in the dream world. Before Braxton’s revelation, I’d had hope. Just a flicker of it. An ember that wasn’t quite a flame. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to guide me through the dissonant chaos that has become my life. Now, that hope is gone, smothered like a blanket being pressed over a flame.
Cancer hadn’t been able to kill my soul, but Caius? He might actually succeed.
“Got something on your mind, Hadley?” Preston smiles sweetly and clutches my hand tight. “You know you can tell me anything.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say stiffly, quickening my pace. Preston’s long legs are easily able to keep up with mine.
“I’m sorry. I know the others don’t understand, but I do.”
I pause on the pathway, turning to face him with raised brows. “You love someone who is the epitome of evil and may or may not be killing souls to create a monstrous army?” I ask point-blank.
Preston’s cheeks turn crimson as he ducks his head, kicking out his foot. “No. I just meant that I don’t begrudge your feelings. You’re scared and confused. I don’t know what exactly happened in that dream world, but I know it fucked with your head. You don’t have to ever explain yourself to me.” He takes a tentative step closer until the toes of his Academy-issued loafers are pressed against my bare feet. “I’m okay with only a piece of your heart, Hadley.”
“Pres…” Overcome with the enormity of my emotions for the timid boy in front of me, I cup his cheek tenderly. His eyelashes flutter closed at the contact, his lips parting ever so slightly. “You don’t just have a part of my heart. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like…it’s like I have a surplus amount of love, like my heart beats for each and every one of you. It sounds stupid…”
“Not stupid,” Preston insists instantly, covering my hand on his cheek with his own. “Before you died…” His customary blush returns to his cheeks, and I can’t help but smile. He clears his throat, dropping his hand and shuffling from foot to foot. “Before you died, I watched you. On Earth. You were so fucking strong and beautiful. You looked death in the eye and gave it your middle finger. Throughout it all—all of your chemotherapy and radiation, all of your pain and suffering—you never once lost your kindness. You smiled at every fucking doctor and nurse that entered your hospital room. You smiled at the boy who’d broken your heart and the best friend who had her heart broken. You comforted those who should’ve been comforting you. So, no. I don’t question your capacity for love. I’ve seen and experienced it firsthand. I’m so fucking lucky I have you in my life, Had.”
Tears blurring my vision, I push up onto my tiptoes and press a kiss to Preston’s soft lips. It’s chaste, over too soon for my liking, but it causes fire to sizzle in my veins.
“Let’s grab my clothes before Auston has an aneurysm and dies a second time,” I say, only half teasing. I’m actually surprised the others let me out of their sight. According to Braxton, there was a lot they needed to discuss following his discovery.
We step up to the Dearly Departed dorms, and I feel a pang of nostalgia in my chest as I enter the grand, opulent lobby. A single Demon mans the receptionist desk, but he pays us no mind as we hurry down a long corridor. Door after door line each side, each one inscribed with a number and two name plaques. We stop at the farthest one down, and my heart gives a little kick when I see my name engraved in gold.
Hadley Jameson.
It feels like I’ve been training at the Academy for years to become a Ghost, a Reaper, a Demon, or an Angel, when in reality, it’s only been months.
“Are you okay?” Preston asks worriedly, casting furtive glances in both directions to make sure the coast is clear.
“Just thinking.” With a sigh, I try the handle, unsurprised to find it unlocked. Aggie has always hated using her key, claiming there wasn’t enough space in her vagina to carry it.
The room is exactly as I remember it, with two beds on either side of the small space. Desks flank each bed, touching in the center of the room. The one on the right has an assortment of…sex toys. Everything from a monster-sized dildo to pink handcuffs to anal beads. The bed is rumpled, blankets strewn about, and I spot a thong wrapped around one bedpost and a lasso around the other. The other side of the room is empty, the bed perfectly made and pressed.
My throat closes as emotions bombard me. I’m not even able to put into words what these emotions are, just that they consume me like a tidal wave.
“I’m just going to grab some clothes and toiletries,” I murmur to Preston. He seems to understand better than me that I need to be alone. With a curt nod, he steps back, allowing me to survey the room in peace.
If Caius hadn’t taken control of my body…
Anger thrums through me. At Caius. At the Academy. At the world. At the Fates who deemed me fit enough to help run the Afterworld.
Fuck ’em all.
Taking a fortifying breath, I grab a duffle bag from underneath my bed and begin filling it with clothes. Underwear and bras. A few pairs of leggings and yoga pants. Shirts. I hesitate, only briefly, before shoving my Academy uniform into the bag as well. I know I can’t attend classes until we get things straightened out with the staff, but I’m hopeful I’ll be able to soon. Regardless, at the end of the first year, I’m going to get my classification. I’ll be put into the house that best suits me—whether that’ll be Angel, Demon, Reaper, or Ghost.
I hurry into the bathroom and nearly vomit when I see the dildo plastered to the shower wall.
Really, Aggie? You thirsty, old bitch.
I grab my entire bag of toiletries that I always kept under the sink. I’ve just straightened from my crouched position when indignant voices reach me.
“I can’t let you in,” Preston stammers.
“It’s her room, asshat,” Layla protests. “What the hell are you up to? Is it Hadley? Did you find her?”