I have to tell her everything. Talk to her about telling her parents too. Need to wipe the slate clean of anything that might try and pull us apart. Then I’ll be able to shake this feeling and not worry that at any moment my Tinsley could be gone. Because now that I’ve had a taste of her, I’d rather starve than have anything else. She is it for me. Always was and always will be my everything.
I stand, making my way to my closet to get dressed. I head down the hallway, hearing Tinsley ordering pizza. I smile, knowing the order is going to be beyond ridiculous. I step into my office to turn off the light when my phone rings. I look down at it, seeing it’s Tinsley’s dad. Why the hell is he calling me? They always call her.
“Fuck.”
That bad feeling creeps back in. I won’t lose her. It’s too late. There’s no going back now.
She is mine.
18
Tinsley
I pull on some leggings and a sweater before I put my hair up in a knot. I stop to look at myself in the mirror. I feel different. That might sound crazy, but I do. I think I look a little different too. It might have something to do with the fact that I’ve never been happier in my life.
Things are finally coming together. Reed loves me, and that’s all that matters at the end of the day. It’s funny how easily things can change. I touch my neck where I see a small love bite. They are pepped all over my breasts too. He couldn't keep his mouth off me. It felt like he was marking me.
I grab my cell phone as I head toward the kitchen to go through the pizza takeout menus. I settle on the place around the corner, knowing they’ll be fast and they have my favorite white pie. I call in my order and while I’m at it I order a mix of a few things.
I enjoy having a variety of things to pick from. When they ask about dessert, I can’t help but get that too. Who doesn’t want fresh zeppoles? I ask for extra powdered sugar. My mouth waters thinking about all the doughy goodness. Maybe I should eat those first. Reed is going to tease me when he sees how much food I ordered.
Where is that man, anyway? I head back down the hallway toward his office. It’s where he spends most of his time when he’s home. I’ll be changing that soon. That man works too much. He needs to relax more. Enjoy his life a little bit. Maybe even go on a vacation. But I’ll ease him toward that. I don’t think it will take much. We’re in love. Everything else should be easy.
“It’s not what you think.” I stop walking when I hear Reed’s voice. Who is he talking to? I peek around the door to see he has his phone pressed to his ear. He’s pacing back and forth. He runs his hand through his hair in frustration. “I am keeping her safe.”
I can’t hear the responses of the person that he’s talking to, but I can see the worried look on Reed’s face. His whole body is tense. My stomach knots.
“Sir, I assure you that I haven’t taken advantage of her. I would never do that to her. She asked me to help her, John, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.”
My nails dig into the trim on the door. The pain I feel from his words almost has my knees buckling. He’d do anything to help me. I’m not sure why I’m so hurt. Isn’t that what I asked him to do? To help me get over what had happened to me? To chase my fears away? Too bad my biggest fear of all is him not being mine.
I don’t want him to be mine out of some warped need to protect me. He doesn’t really want me. He may love me but not in the way I love him. I can’t even be mad at him. He did exactly what I asked him to do. But I thought things had changed in the mix of everything. That he saw me in a new light. Not the little girl who needs protecting. I guess I’ll always be that to him.
I step back, not wanting to hear anymore. My eyes burn with tears. My stomach turns. I have to get out of here. I can’t let him see me like this. It would make him feel horrible. It’s not his fault. I grab my bag by the front door before hitting the button for the elevator. I call Carly. Thank God she is finally here.
I put my hand to my mouth as I step onto the elevator, knowing everything is about to change. I could stay. Keep him. He’d be mine physically, but I’ll never own the part of him I want more than anything else. I bet he would even marry me. Give me everything I could ever ask for. But you can’t ask someone to love you. Not in this way.
He’ll always see me as the girl scared of her own shadow. Maybe I am. Or maybe I put myself out there knowing I could fall. And now I have.
My finger hovers over the button. I don’t want to leave, but I have no choice. I have to leave for him too. He’s always trying to do right by me. Now it’s my turn to do right by him. To set him free. To relieve him of this need he has to protect me.
“Tinsley. Babe.” I hear him call me. I push the button. He rounds the corner. His eyes lock with mine as the door starts to close. His whole face changes. He knows I’m leaving. Really leaving. “Tinsley!” He runs towards me. The doors close on him. The whole elevator shakes when I hear him pound on the doors before it starts to descend.
I take deep breaths as the nausea eats at me. I wipe the tears from my eyes when the doors finally open. I make myself move, knowing I have to get space between him and me. I’m not strong enough. If he gets ahold of me I’d crack. I’d beg him to keep me, knowing he would. I can’t let that happen. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
“Tinsley.”
I look up, seeing James standing there. He gives me one of his easy smiles.
“Hey, James.” I give him a forced smile and keep walking. I start to feel dizzy. I pull my phone out and text Carly.
Change of plans.
19
Reed
I push the button hard. I don’t care if it doesn't make the elevator come up faster, it still feels good. Rage courses through me as I stare at the dent I put in the door of the elevator. She left. Why?
I search my mind wondering what the fuck just changed. When I saw her I knew immediately that something was different. It was written all over her pretty face. Pain. I want to fix whatever has caused it. I close my eyes, trying to get myself under control, not understanding the rage.
Flashes of her being under me and smiling up at me flood my mind. Her arms wrapped tightly around me as though I was her everything. There was nothing but love in her eyes. How did it all disappear so quickly? She must have found out about all the things I’ve done. What a sick fuck I am. That my love for her borders on obsession. That I keep taking and taking because I’ll never get enough of her. I know I won’t ever be able to stop. She must know it now too. The thought of her being scared of me slices through me. I’ve done the one thing that I’ve tried to protect her from all of these years. Hurt her.
She was right in one aspect, though. There is no stopping me. It makes her running pointless. It is too late. The door opens and I step on the elevator, pulling my phone out from my pocket. I fire off a text. I have no one here to follow her. She is out there and I don’t have eyes on her. My phone vibrates in my hand when the doors open, setting me free to search the city for my girl. I’ll tear it down until I find her.