“I can walk with it, but for me it’s not faster or safer than a wheelchair, and its definitely more tiring.”
She chewed morosely, waiting for Gus to ask her to give it a whirl. People always asked once they found out it was a possibility. They needed to see her walk, either to confirm that she could or because they would prefer that mobility device over her wheelchair. Either reason sucked. And when they saw her use the walker, her ataxia more apparent as she focused on keeping her balance, there was the inevitable disappointment because that wasn’t up to their standards either.
“Makes sense that you don’t use it much if it’s not as safe,” Gus said with a shrug. “Do you want dessert now?”
She snapped her gaze to his. “You don’t want to see me use it?”
“Should I want to?” He looked from her to the walker and back, lips pursed and brow furrowed at the sharpness in her tone.
“People always ask to see.” She didn’t know why she was continuing to talk about this. She was starting to get upset, her hands shaking more.
“If you want to show me, you can, but I don’t need you to,” he said. “You just told me it was tiring and not safe.”
That was what she wanted to hear. Exactly what she needed to hear.
His response still upset her for some reason.
“Aren’t you even curious? About my disability?” Reggie regretted her tendency to push in that moment, but she was already feeling things that were scaring the shit out of her. Better to find out what his deal was now. There had been a week of kissing and touching and he hadn’t even asked the question complete strangers felt fine lobbing at her. Was he ignoring it?
“Of course, I am. Because I’m curious about you. I’ve Googled stuff because it’s been a week and I’m already moving way too fast. I didn’t want to be nosy.” His expression had been neutral, but he frowned in the brief silence after his explanation. “Do you think that not asking means I don’t care? Because you haven’t asked what’s up with me, or my brain.”
There was defensiveness and frustration in his voice, and Reggie regretted broaching the topic like this. She wasn’t usually so . . . emotive, but her feelings for Gus had her head spinning.
“You have a great brain. I didn’t ask about it because my brain isn’t typical either, so I haven’t had many questions yet.” She sighed. “Sorry. I guess I’m kind of freaked out because you seem so, well, not quite perfect, but . . . I don’t know. In the past, people I’ve dated have kind of . . . slowly, or not so slowly, started nudging me on things. Trying to fix me, or something. And I guess I was trying to see if you felt the same as them, behind that almost-perfectness.”
He shook his head, his frown disappearing and relief loosening his expression.
“I want to know everything about you, but I’m fine with learning piece by piece because for me this isn’t some short-term thing. We have time. Also? I just really like who you are now, even without knowing everything that led up this.” He moved closer to her. “It’s the opposite of not caring, the other end of the spectrum. And I’m definitely not waiting to reveal I’m some jerk who wants to fix you. Fix what? I’m the one who’ll tell those jerks to go kick rocks, not that you need my help with that.”
Reggie’s chest went into Tony Stark mode again, a bright blue burst of energy powering up all the possibilities that had been building inside of her.
Gus was looking at her in that puzzle-solving way. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, not right now. I got meningitis when I was younger. That the basics, and I don’t need us to have any kind of emotional thing about it.”
“Good, because I’m not great at emotional things. Adequate, because I’ve worked on it, but not great. I guess that’s something that’s useful for you to know, as far as brain stuff goes.”
“Look, you’re clearly better at it than I am,” Reggie said. “Don’t sell yourself short.”
He smiled, a gentle private smile that let him know she’d pleased him, and then reached for one of the bags he’d carried in and pulled out a box from the Italian bakery down the street. She’d slowed as they passed the store’s window on the walk they’d taken the night before, for the briefest moment, but it had already been closed so she’d kept going. She hadn’t even broken her conversational stride, but Gus had noticed, and now he’d delivered.
She would never let him say he wasn’t good at emotional things again because that was a damn lie. He cared enough to pay attention, and he acted on what he saw. That was more than most people managed.
He made a dramatic showing of lifting the lid, revealing four tarts: lemon meringue, plum, apple, and chocolate pistachio.
“You said you were only bringing veggies,” she said playfully.
“I’m full of surprises.” He lifted the chocolate pistachio one onto a plate and started cutting it in half. “I bought these because you gave them very cute puppy dog eyes yesterday—”
“I don’t do puppy dog eyes,” Reggie interrupted.
Gus glanced at her sidelong, contemplating. “Of course not. Anyway, regardless of why I bought them, they’ll now be eaten in celebration of you confirming that we’re dating.”
“What?”
Gus laughed his evil kitten laugh. “You compared me to other people you’ve dated, meaning you see us as dating, too. You also said I was almost perfect. And you didn’t say no when I said I don’t want this to be short-term. That’s a perfectly good reason to celebrate.”
“You know what?” His directness meant she’d either have to say they weren’t dating, or she’d have to admit that they were. She reached out and held his arm as he directed a spoonful of the celebratory tart toward his mouth. “If we’re celebrating, I think it would only be fair to give me the first bite.”
He blinked a few times. “You want me to feed you?”
She understood his surprise—he’d picked up very quickly on the fact that she didn’t like being coddled. She pushed her glasses up her nose with her other hand, and then held his gaze. “Yes. Give it to me.”
Gus’s skin went warm beneath her hand, and his expression went serious. He guided the spoon toward her mouth, his gaze intense and his eyes dark. She closed her mouth around the spoon, the rich sweetness of the tart melting over her tongue as she licked it from the smooth metal.
Reggie’s eyes drifted shut, and she allowed herself to savor the mélange of dark chocolate and bright pistachio as if she was in a food-themed anime. “Mmmm. So good.”
She felt his face near hers before she opened her eyes, and her stomach tightened as she imagined his gaze on her. Gus had a way of looking at her that was respectful and also made it 100 percent clear that he was thinking something seriously naughty.
She opened her eyes to look right into his dark brown ones. Yeah, he was thinking something naughty, perhaps even nasty if she was lucky, and his body was tensed as if he was ready to act on it.
“Is there a reason you chose the chocolate tart first?” she asked
His gaze darted down to her mouth and then back up. “You know the answer to that.”