“I know that,” I say, keeping my grin in place. This is the thrill that I love. The monster that revels in the blood and danger. I raise the gun and point it at him before pulling the trigger. A thrill races through me as I watch his lifeless body fall to the floor. Ava and Amelia both scream but I just smirk. The fact that he would even think of doing something like that makes me sick. Glancing over, Ava has Amelia’s eyes covered, shielding her from this moment of reality.
“Let her go,” I demand. Ava’s eyes come to meet mine as she shakes her head slowly. She doesn’t want her to see this? She needs to.
“She doesn’t need to see this,” she pleads. Her hands don’t move and that pisses me off further. A piece of my insides burns with a fury that can’t be ignored.
“She does need to see this! She needs to see that he won’t hurt her ever again!” Ava doesn’t move her hands; she just shakes her head.
“She doesn’t need that! She’s a child, Cord!” Ava screams in protest. Slowly moving the gun, I now focus it on Ava. Her eyes widen as she takes me in.
“Take your hands off her.” The low growl in my tone makes her move quickly.
“You see that? You see what happens to men that mess with family, Amelia?” Her little eyes are focused on the man that lies on her floor in a puddle of his own blood.
“You’re crossing a line, Cord!” My eyes move back to Ava’s before lowering my gun.
“No, I’m showing you and her why I can’t love anyone! I’m showing you the side of my life that you refuse to think exists! This is me, Ava! This is who the fuck I am!” Roaring at her, I turn to Nikolai.
“Get someone to clean this shit up.” Nodding his head, he gets on the phone. I brush past them and head towards my room with my mind in a blur. The look on Amelia’s face was torture. It was complete torture and fear. She has to understand this life though. There is no way around it. She’s a part of this world now and I need her to understand that she’s safe. Once I’m in my room, I drop onto the bed, running my hand through my hair when Ava storms in.
“You are some kind of piece of shit, Cord! That poor child has had enough death and you added to it!” Ava roars like a lion. Watching the way she runs her hand through her hair does something to me, something feral.
“She needs to see it. That’s all she’s going to see being a Vitale.” Smirking at her, I know she’s getting pissed, but this is the reality of what we are.
“Are you insane? You killed a man in front of her!” Ava moves towards me quickly when I stand. Her hands land on my chest as she shoves me. My stance doesn’t waver at all. My eyes burn into her, ready to take her down a notch before she stops.
“How could you ruin her like that?” she sobs. Tears stream down her cheeks before I take a step away from her.
“You’ve been locked away in your little world, Ava. You are too blind to see what’s right in front of you. You’ve been sheltered from the real world and there is no other choice than to make Amelia see it for herself!” Snapping at her seems to work. She lowers her head.
“You’re ruining her innocence, Cord. Just because you had yours ripped away doesn’t mean you have to tear hers away.” As much as that means to me, I can’t do it. I can’t let Amelia learn to feel.
“She has to learn, Ava. This life holds nothing more than pain and regret. Everything she’s going to live through being a Vitale is going to ruin her. I’m just helping her on that journey.”
Chapter 18
Her cries pierce the silence like they do most nights. I walk into the hallway knowing that I can’t comfort her. I don’t know how. Instead I stand outside her door with my forehead pressed against it. So many nights I’ve thought about going in there, holding her. But in the end, what good would it do her? This world is a rough and unstable place to grow up. The faster Amelia learns that, the better off she’ll be. Do I hate that she lost her mother and came into this hell? Of course I do, but what can I do about it now? She’s here, she’s family. As much as I wished I could love her as family, I can’t. I don’t know how.
I lean my head against the door much like I’ve done every other night. Its times like this I wonder what life would have been like had my mother not died. Would she have left my father? The life she knew? There are nights when I feel like I can hear her voice whispering in my ear.
“Don’t do this to them. Be a better man than your father.” Over and over, the mantra repeats.
But I’m not better than him. I never have been and for the foreseeable future, I won’t be.
My life doesn’t allow any kind of wiggle room where emotions are concerned. Amelia’s door opens as I take a step back. I come face to face with Ava. Her bright blue eyes glisten with tears.
“What are you doing here?” I ask her. Looking at her, she looks like she’s aged in the past few weeks and not in a good way.
“I stay with her sometimes.” I’m taken aback by her admission. She stays here and I didn’t know it? Or was I just too damn stubborn to see it? Nodding my head, I turn to walk away when she stops me.
“She needs someone,” she says behind me. Lowering my head, I don’t turn to look at her.
“She has Antonio. I made sure that shit would never happen to her again.” Ava’s in front of me in seconds. Her eyes pleading with me. “Don’t do that. Don’t look at me like that!” I roar as I point at her.
“She needs her brother! She needs to be loved!” I know what she needs. I just know that I can provide that.
“I can’t love her, Ava. Don’t you understand that?” Screaming at the top of my lungs, she jolts back.
“I hate you, Cord. I hate everything about you!” Her words should hurt me, but they don’t. Instead they make me smile.
“Don’t let hate rule you, sweetheart. It’s a dark place to live.” She won’t look at me and I can’t blame her. I reach for her, lifting her chin so she has to look at me. “I warned you, Ava. I warned you that once I got ahold of you my darkness would overtake you. You made that choice each time you came back to my bed.” The pure rage that eats at her is visible. I can see it within all her depths.
“And yet here I am walking away,” she says almost sounding sure of herself. Ava takes a step back away from my hand before she turns and walks away. I watch her as she makes her way down the hallway, so confident and full of herself.
“She’ll be back,” I whisper to myself.
Chapter 19
“Where the hell is my shipment?” I roar at the top of my lungs aiming my gun at the asshole in front of me on his knees.
“I don’t know, Cord. Last I heard the Gambino family was in that area! I swear to you!” Eyeing Marco, I want to blow his brains all over the wall behind him. I’m slowly falling into a pattern, a routine of killing, and I can’t say that I’m sad about that.
“Gambino. I’m so fucking tired of hearing that name.” Jordy drags Marco’s wife into the warehouse. His eyes dart to hers before coming back to me. Jordy shoves her to the floor before I aim the gun at her.