I surprise Troy by stopping abruptly, panting. He passes me, his sneakers thumping to change course. He pants as he flips around and yanks his long hair up, spinning it quickly into a bun so the sweat on the back of his neck has somewhere else to go. “You’re oversimplifying. There are so many levels to this!”
He has no reaction to my tears, no softness in his face. He still looks pissed as fuck. So I point to my cheeks. “I’m crying!”
He throws up one arm. “You desensitized me to it, remember? You gave me this big speech about how it’s just you letting go of your emotions and not to baby you.” He rubs his face, the word hitting him as he mutters, “A baby…there’s going to be a baby.”
A passing couple glances over.
I don’t keep my volume down because it’s not in my character to do so. “Yes, this isn’t what I expected either. Didn’t plan to get pregnant! Definitely should’ve thought ahead. I was having too much fun and completely forgot to renew my birth control. Lucky me. But back there you said you wanted to keep this baby.”
More heads are turning and Troy looks around because he’s on the spot. “Did I? Because you never asked me.”
“Your face said it. I came out of the bathroom with that pregnancy test positive and you were all about it.”
He runs his hands down my arms, lowering his volume in hopes that I will, too. “I’m just telling you what I need.”
“Why do you need it? What happens if it’s Jack’s?” A woman audibly gasps from a pretty good distance behind me. I shoot her a look and demand, “What do you know about my situation?!! Keep your judgey gasp to yourself!” Turning back to my man I grumble, “Fucking strangers!” and discover he’s smiling at me. Not a big smile. The circumstances wouldn’t allow it. But the light in his eyes is back, the Troy I know and love gazing at me.
Relaxing, too, I touch his face, stroke his bottom lip with the pad of my thumb and whisper, “Nothing has to change.”
His smile vanishes. “It’s the exact opposite.”
He walks away with me staring after him, helpless and hurt and angry and defiant.
I don’t want him to go.
At the same time, I do.
I’m from the South.
We do not chase our men.
They chase us.
Chapter Thirty-One
MARION
This hotel is designed for relaxation, making love, swimming, eating delicious food and getting not so drunk that you can’t do daytime water activities. It certainly isn’t made for drama.
I’m walking alone through weaving architecture under a blue sky so clear clouds wouldn’t dare insult it by intruding. I thought I’d never get over the view, but it looks different to me today, the sea vast and never-ending.
I’m trapped.
Island fever, finding yourself on a small body of land that doesn’t touch any others and realizing this is it, has set in.
I want home.
I want Atlanta.
I miss it.
Which is weird.
And even weirder, I want to talk to my mom.
We’ve barely spoken since she ran off with her secret lover, Kyle, but that doesn’t stop the twinge of longing in my chest for her today. Mom, I’m pregnant. And I’m scared.
A phone call won’t cut it.
I need to find Jack.
He’ll help me get home.
Where did he go?
Jack…
My Jack.
The one she made flirtatious comments to — or about whenever she knew damn well he was within earshot — is my man now. I’ve avoided telling her about my unusual relationship. Not because I’m acting out a vengeance to get back at her for breaking up our home. If I wanted to do that I would’ve rubbed this in her face as soon as it happened.
The truth is, I never wanted her opinion on it. I couldn’t care less what she thought about who I chose to love. This is my life and I respect myself even if some people don’t.
Now I’ll have to tell her.
That’s the price I’ll pay.
Groaning, I close my eyes as I grip the railing overlooking the sea. A breeze tries its best to wake my numb skin, but fails terribly. Even though I’m carrying a child, I feel hollow.
“Marion?“
Glancing to my right I see the woman-friend I met walking up, her hair curly and free from dozens of braids it had before. She looks beautiful in a long summer dress, her concern for me evident.
“Hey Lynn.”
She fills the empty space beside me and asks, “What happened?”
“I’m pregnant.”
She touches my arm to ask, “I’m guessing unplanned?” At my small nod she holds onto the railing, too, wringing her thoughts into the steel. “What are you gonna do?”
“I’m keeping it. Even though I’m the most selfish bitch on the planet, somehow I’m keeping the child. Don’t ask me how this happened. I couldn’t tell you. Jack wants to have the baby. Troy wants a paternity test. And you know what I want?” I lock eyes with her. “My mom.“
Lynn tilts her head and pulls me into a hug. “Oh sweetie, of course you do.” Pulling back she offers a smile. “You could pretend I’m her if you want! I know it’s not the same thing, but I’ll be your shoulder.” She rolls her eyes and adds, “At least for the next half hour because then I’m meeting Travis.”
Returning to the view I sigh, “You’re a lot more forgiving than her, Lynn. But thanks for trying.”
“Is your mother a harsh woman?”
“No, but she is a hypocrite.” I close my eyes. “I have to go find Jack.”
“You lean on him.”
“He’s my rock.” Letting go of the railing I lock eyes with her, pointing behind me. “Which way are you going?”
“I’m heading in the other direction so I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Okay.” My flip-flops sound like a duck in tap shoes as I make my way down winding steps. There’s no way he’s in our hotel room, but I really don’t know where else to look. I’ve been wandering around for a while now, haven’t run into him, and so I might as well check there first.
Inside I find a maid staring back at me, standing near the door. She gives me space to enter and I don’t bother asking her if she’s seen my boyfriends. We found they don’t speak any English right after we got here.
But the bathroom door opens and Jack strolls out, feet bare. He pauses at the sight of me, glances to the maid and asks a surprised, “When did you get here?“
My eyes dart to her and back, narrowing into jealous slits. “Did I interrupt something?”
A smile spreads, and he says on a laugh, “Don’t be stupid. You know me better than that.”
Remembering my mother’s warning about being called crazy, or stupid, or paranoid — they’re interchangeable — I demand, “Then where are her cleaning products?”
Still amused he says to her, “Why did you come here?”
With an accent she replies in perfect English, “To tell you my uncle can bring you to the airport off-schedule.” She holds up her left hand where there’s a simple gold band on her ring finger. “He’s cute, but I’m catholic.”