Facing life with family you love where we support each other offers security to get me through tough times. I can’t rely on pure love and the safety net of caring for my father because even he is showing me what I feared to embrace. Dad has always jumped in the deep end. From accounts of his time with Mum, it’s what attracted her to him. Dad is fearless. He gave me no warning about Bernadette. It rocked me, and on top of what went down with Reef, it gave me the motivation to take this road trip. And I found adventure with people I barely know.
I have to believe in myself. Take a risk. Search outside my comfort zone. Like Chance, find happiness in small things. Find my own form of scrap metal to transform junk into joy. Because if Dad all of a sudden decides he doesn’t need me, I’ll be left with nothing but an empty heart.
I remember the day Mum left. Remember how it tore out my heart, and after seeing Reef with other girls, I allowed the same cruel emotion to swamp me. The feeling of being inconsequential to someone important to me.
Disposable.
Dad has never thought of me as insignificant. But I know I’m replaceable not as his daughter but by the help I give to make his life easier and safe.
Safe.
Shit, is Dad trapped living with me?
The more I think, the more I believe I’m imprisoned by my own emotional baggage.
Reef needs to know I didn’t play him because I’m not that person. It’s why I tried to keep to the rules of it being about the sex.
Denying I cared for him was stupid. It proved nothing. He deserves to be heard because he said nothing had happened with those girls. I reacted because of my own insecurities.
I inhale a deep breath, ready to type a reply to Reef.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was taking this road trip.
I didn’t know myself until I woke up to an image in my head of you on the couch with those girls in bikinis.
You were laughing.
I didn’t have a right to intrude. After all, we’re not together.
I have no say in what you do, but it did hurt me, and the feeling scared me.
Scared me into thinking I can’t see you again because I don’t want to feel afraid or hurt by your decisions.
What changed for me was coming on this trip with Chance and Adele.
So, don’t be mad with your mate because I now realise I want to take a chance and see you more.
Ride the wave with you.
I can delete some of it before I send. Right now, I need to get out what’s in my head and heart. Deep in my heart, there’s always been the notion of wanting to ride the wave with him. Only I wouldn’t admit it, and in my mind, it was a tidal wave I couldn’t handle. I’m not saying I’m ready but more so trying to be less guarded and aware I could get hurt, preparing for if I do.
“What do you think?” Adele asks.
“Sorry, what?”
“A weekend in Melbourne and Chance can get us tickets to a game.”
I think about how my dad would love to see a game. Now that his eye medication has improved his sight and balance, and he’s off the beers and in better health, I know he could go to a local game.
“I’ll do my best, but I’d love for my dad to get to an Adelaide game.”
“Consider it done,” Chance says before I ask. “I’ll have some signed memorabilia sent to you, too. Message me your address.”
“Wow, thanks. He’ll love it.”
Adele groans. “Buying your fans again?”
“I don’t need to buy them with a face like this.” He grins at Adele.
“Whatever. You’re yet to play a game, so don’t get too cocky.” She looks to the window, and for the first time, I empathise how hard it must be having a famous brother—one with a face enticing every female’s head to turn when he passes by. Without a sibling, I don’t need to compete with anyone for my father’s attention. I wonder if she feels she has to be someone special to prove herself to family. Or by doing other things—like hooking up with Zane and getting other forms of attention from her brother.
I’m still waiting for Chance to say something about the kiss. It’s not my business, but Adele and I shared a room, and I noticed her bed was empty throughout the night. I didn’t think anything of it again until I saw the way she kissed Zane.
And I won’t be the one to mention it.
Chapter Fifteen
MACY
Call me.
I’m done with the messages.
It’s a text from Reef after I sent my message when we gained internet coverage closer to Adelaide.
I’ll call you when I get home.
I’m catching an Uber from the airport where Chance is dropping off the rental car.
He doesn’t want to miss his flight and we’re already running behind in time.
Walking beside Chance and Adele toward the terminal, I thank them both for asking me along for the ride.
“I know you needed cheering up, and it’s making memories that give the most happiness.”
“How did you know?”
“Hanging out with Reef and his mates isn’t your wisest choice. You chose the wrong football code.” He winks at me.
“Argh. Here we go.” Adele rolls her eyes and lops her bag strap over her shoulder.
“Shut up. I’m serious. Was it that obvious?”
Adele shoves his shoulder, although he barely moves a muscle. “You’re so annoying.”
“Is he always like this?”
“Always,” she says, and waves as she heads toward the departure gate without him.
“I just know these things,” he says after she leaves. “If you ever need a friend to chat with, message me.”
“Same goes for you,” I tell him. “Keep me posted about your dad.”
“Will do. Tell Reef I’ll call him later tonight.”
“Is there something I should know?” A deep voice sounds from behind us.
We both turn, and my heart skips a beat seeing him standing there.
“Hey.”
Reef and Chance smack each other’s back. Reef’s eyes remain on me while he’s greeting Chance. “I took good care of your girl and showed her some of the outback.”
“And your infatuation with junk,” I quip.
My comment gives Reef reason to smile. “You still trying to create art with crap?”
“Am creating,” Chance corrects. “I got to go. I’ll let Mace tell you all about it. I’ll catch you in a couple of weeks when you’re back in Melbourne.” Chance turns and hugs me. “Say hi to your dad for me. Don’t forget to send me your address, so I can send through some gear.”
“Your dad follows his team?” Reef’s eyebrows arch high.
“Yeah.”
Chance chuckles. “Mace’s old man knows a good thing.” He laughs again and turns to walk away, his copper locks blowing in the wind.
When I meet Reef’s blue gaze, we stand in silence. “So, a road trip… can I give you a ride home?”
If I agree, it will be the first time I’ve allowed a guy to know where I live.
I inhale a breath. He’ll know more about me, and by allowing it, I’m opening my heart to him—a risk I want to push past. I can do this.