Blake’s heart wrenched. It’d be so easy. Right then and there, when he and Farrah were the only people in the world, it’d be so easy to tell her the truth. It wouldn’t set things right—he cheated on her, even if he didn’t remember doing it—but at least she’d know. Everything he did, everything he told her was true. She was the love of his life.
Then he remembered the look on Cleo’s face when she told him she was pregnant. His family’s reaction. The folder of parenting e-books on his computer. How his mom was already picking out color swatches for the nursery.
He remembered all the reasons Farrah couldn’t know the truth, and so he said the words that scraped his throat raw when he forced them out.
“I hope you find him.”
Farrah’s nostrils flared. For a split second, her stony mask cracked, and he saw the hurt in her eyes.
His heart wrenched again.
Farrah turned and walked into the ballroom without another word.
All Blake could do was watch her leave. There was nothing left to say, except the three words he could never say to her again.
I love you.
Chapter Thirty-Five
The FEAers ended their night at the only place that made sense: Gino’s. Their home away from home. In the past year, they spent enough money here to keep the bar in the green for at least another twelve months, which may have been why the owner treated them to a round of free beers on their last night.
Courtney raised her drink and looked around at the dozens of faces staring back at her. “Guys, we’ve made it this far. This is our last night. Our last chance to make sure we don’t leave Shanghai with any regrets. Say what you want to say, do what you want to do, or forever hold your peace.”
Farrah flicked her eyes toward the back of the group, where Blake stood still as a statue.
I hope you find him. His words echoed in her mind, taunting her.
“We go back to our own cities and lives tomorrow, but no matter what happens, I think it’s safe to say this is a year we’ll cherish forever. So, cheers!” Courtney raised her drink higher. “To FEA, Shanghai, and a night we won’t remember with friends we’ll never forget!”
“Cheers!”
Farrah lifted her glass as FEA erupted into a cacophony of chatter and glasses clinking.
In her peripheral vision, Farrah saw a tear slip down Janice’s cheek. The end of the semester hit everyone harder than expected.
Janice caught Farrah’s eye, and the two girls exchanged watery smiles. They were roommates, not friends, but Farrah wouldn’t forget the way Janice comforted her the night of her breakup with Blake. Part of her wished she’d gotten to know Janice better this year, but it was too late for that.
“I can’t stand this sentimental shit,” Kris said.
“Don’t lie. You love it.” Olivia draped an arm over Kris’s shoulders. “I’m going to miss you.”
Kris sighed and finished her cranberry vodka. “I’m going to miss you too.” She caught Farrah’s eye and rolled her eyes jokingly. Farrah smiled. Kris may be prickly, but she would kill for her friends. That type of loyalty was hard to come by.
The music switched to The Wanted’s “Glad You Came,” one of Farrah’s favorite throwback songs. Her heart ached at the lyrics. Of all the cities in all the world, they ended up here. But what if they hadn’t? Even if one person chose another city, this whole year would’ve been different.
In that way, the lyrics couldn’t have been more fitting, though she knew the song was about orgasms.
That was fitting too.
Farrah’s mouth tilted up at her own inside joke.
She might have loose ends to tie up. She might never forget Blake, and she might not see half the people here again, but she was grateful for everything that happened these past eight months. How lucky was she to have spent a year in Shanghai, to have strangers turn into family, and to have loved so deeply it left scars on her heart?
Her and Blake’s story didn’t end in a happily ever after, but he’d showed her that love—that deep, all-consuming love people wrote songs and movies and books about—was real. Farrah experienced it, even if he hadn’t. While this story hadn’t turned out the way she hoped, perhaps the next one would.
Farrah took a deep breath and pushed her sadness aside. It was her last night. Time to enjoy it.
She joined her friends on the dance floor. Sammy’s unbuttoned shirt bared his muscular chest, a sure sign he was drunk. Courtney hopped onto Luke’s back and fist-pumped the air, even though they weren’t playing fist-pumping music. Olivia and Kris took turns spinning each other around until Kris crashed into Nardo, who tried to start a conga line. No one except Flo joined him, but it was nice to see him loosen up for a change.
“Farrah, get your sexy ass over here!” Courtney climbed off Luke’s back and corralled Farrah, Kris, and Olivia into a group hug.
“I love you girls,” she said, her blue eyes bright with emotion.
“No crying,” Kris warned. “It gives me the heebie-jeebies.”
Olivia’s jaw dropped. “Did Kris Carrera just use the term ‘heebie-jeebies?’”
“No, I didn’t. You can’t prove it. If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.”
They cracked up at the same time. Farrah took a mental snapshot and tucked it away in her box of cherished memories. She hoped she never forgot the love she felt in that moment.
“This is it, guys.” She squeezed her friends tighter. “Let’s make it count.”
And for the rest of the night, they did. Farrah and her friends soaked up the magic of their last hours together, surrendering themselves to the music, the lights, and the pulsing neon energy that coursed through Shanghai.
Tomorrow seemed like ages away.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Midnight came and went. Blake didn’t join FEA’s revelry, afraid of the secrets that might spill out should he drink too much. Nevertheless, he couldn’t bring himself to return to the dorm.
After Courtney’s toast, Blake went outside for some fresh air. He ended up staying on the bench by Gino’s entrance, watching the comings and goings of after-hours Shanghai: the street vendors hawking meat skewers to drunken revelers. The cab driver chain-smoking out his open window. The group of hip teens drinking by the curb, even though it was a school night and they couldn’t be older than sixteen.
Blake tried to square the scene in front of him with his life back home: neighborhood barbecues, white picket fences, and minivans in the Texas suburbs. He couldn’t.
He remembered arriving in Shanghai and being overwhelmed by the noise, the people, the strange foods and sounds and sights. He’d never visited Asia before. Hadn’t even thought about it until he quit the team and the ensuing chaos forced him to run as far away as possible.
Blake hadn’t expected to love this city so much. It had its flaws, but this year it became his home away from home. Here, he was free to be who wanted to be—and he liked who he was in Shanghai.
It opened his eyes to a world beyond Texas, and now that he’d seen it, he didn’t want to go back.
His son or daughter would grow up, and if the bar was successful, he’d expand. If not, he’d try a different market. Either way, Blake wasn’t meant to stay in his hometown for the rest of his life. That, he knew for sure.