And while he was thinking about guilt, that particular emotion had doubled and then tripled within him after the kisses they’d shared. The first time he’d kissed her, his guilt had been minimal. It wasn’t the most noble thing to do, to kiss a woman who didn’t know who you truly were. But he’d quickly dismissed that doubt when she’d responded so enthusiastically. The second time they’d kissed, he’d gone a bit farther, risked a bit more, and it had been pure bliss, until she’d announced that she detested the Earl of Kendall. That had made it all too clear that he was nothing more than a liar.
This charade may have begun as a lark, but it was turning into something all too serious. His lies were multiplying. It made it worse that in the middle of lying to her about who he was and what he stood for, he’d gone and kissed her. Such bad form.
He had absolutely no excuse for his behavior. He had no right to speak to her, let alone kiss her. She hated him. Well, she hated Lord Kendall, who he really was. She didn’t know her friend Lucas, the footman, was the same man she detested.
How would he ever explain himself to her? How could he? She’d been busy pouring out her heart to him and he’d been her sworn enemy all along. It didn’t matter that he didn’t know he’d been her sworn enemy. He knew it now and he was still not telling the truth. He had to figure out a way to make this right. At the very least he had no right to kiss her and he would not do it again.
“How do you stand the guilt?” he asked Bell, who was currently helping him into his right boot. Bell was serving as his valet for two reasons. His own man hadn’t come with him for obvious reasons, and Bell was interested in practicing his skill at valeting every chance he got.
“What guilt?” Bell asked with a laugh.
“You never feel guilty? You’re a spy. You lie for a living.”
Bell straightened at that accusation and gave him a blank stare. “I do what is necessary to fulfill my duty to the Crown.”
Lucas expelled his breath. “No matter what I tell myself, I’m not doing this for a noble pursuit. I’ve told so many lies I don’t recognize myself any longer.”
Bell contemplated the matter for a moment. “I suppose it helps that most of the people I have to lie to are either lying to me as well or guilty of something.”
“Yes, well, Miss Wharton hasn’t lied to me and I doubt she’s guilty of anything,” Lucas replied, sliding his stocking foot into the boot. “This entire experiment—as Clayton likes to call it, it’s not at all what I imagined it would be.”
Bell grabbed the other boot and held it out for Lucas to step into. “Because you’re falling in love with Miss Wharton?”
Lucas’s jaw dropped. “What? No, I—”
“That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? To find true love? I do admit it’s turned a bit dubious given the fact that you’re spending time with her and she knows you as a servant, but it’s not insurmountable, you know? I was right about the dowry though, wasn’t I?”
Lucas nearly growled. “Yes, you were right about the dowry. If only I gave a toss about a dowry. I began this thing looking for a true wife. I never thought about the fact that I would need to be a true husband. Even if I was madly in love with Miss Wharton, I couldn’t have her now if I wanted her. All I’ve told her is a pack of lies. This entire idea was ridiculous to begin with. I should just go back to London to marry the first lady my mother points to.”
Bell’s laughter filled the room. “Where’s the fun in that?”
“There may be no fun, but there is no guilt either.” Lucas groaned.
Bell shook his head. “Guilt isn’t the worst feeling, Kendall.”
Lucas put his fists on his hips. “Oh, really, what’s worse?”
Bell shrugged. “Regret.”
Lucas tipped his head back to look up at the ceiling and expelled his breath once more. “It doesn’t matter any longer. I’ve made my decision. This afternoon I’m speaking to Sir Reginald about the Employment Bill. This evening I intend to keep to myself in the servants’ hall and far away from the dining room. Tomorrow morning I’ll say good-bye to Miss Wharton, and then I’m leaving.”
A sly smile spread across Bell’s face. “If you’re not in love with her, why say good-bye?”
“Don’t make me dismiss you on your first day as my valet,” Lucas nearly growled.
Bell’s laughter was interrupted by a knock at the door.
“Come in,” Lucas called, still shrugging into the coat Bell had just held out for him.
The door opened and one of Clayton’s footmen, Arthur, entered. He held a silver salver with a note lying on it.
“For you, my lord,” Arthur said, bowing to Lucas.
“Thank you, Arthur.” Lucas flipped him a coin. “That will be all.” He pulled the note from the salver and set the plate on a nearby table.
“From Clayton?” Bell asked nonchalantly as he folded and placed Lucas’s livery in the wardrobe.
Lucas shook his head. “No. You won’t believe who it’s from.”
“Read it,” Bell prompted.
Lucas took a deep breath and spoke aloud the words he’d just hastily read to himself.
Lord Kendall,
We have not met, but I have something important to discuss with you as it pertains to your Employment Bill. I’ve been informed that you are joining the house party and would like to request a few moments of your time. I appreciate that you’re a busy man and I thank you for your consideration.
F. R. T. Wharton
“From Miss Wharton?” Bell asked, arching a brow.
“It must be,” Lucas replied. “I assume she used her initials so that I might believe she’s a male.”
Bell frowned. “What does she think you’d do when you discover you’re meeting with a young woman instead?”
Lucas shrugged. “My guess is that she intends to worry about that when the time comes.”
Bell shook his head. “Miss Wharton should take care. She has to know it’s inappropriate of her to ask for a meeting alone with a man.”
Lucas nodded. “No doubt that’s why she didn’t sign her Christian name. Blast. What am I to do with this?” He held the note aloft.
Bell pursed his lips. “I could meet her and pretend to be you.”
“No!” Lucas nearly shouted. “No more playacting. This entire affair is convoluted enough as it is.”
Bell laughed. “Very well. But if you change your mind, do let me know. I’m something of an expert at pretending to be people I’m not.”
Lucas glanced at his friend. “Yes, as to that, how’s it coming with the lady’s maid you mentioned?”
A low growl was Bell’s only answer.
That was interesting. Bell never lost his cool. Lucas would have to poke into that story more when he had time to ask additional questions.
Lucas checked his pocket watch. He had to admit it was nice to wear his own clothing again, have his own items at his disposal. “I’m late. I must get downstairs to meet Sir Reginald.” He strode to the door. “Theodora promised to take all the young ladies and their mothers out for a picnic this afternoon in order to clear the house of them while I’m downstairs.”