“Not really.”
“Well I do. I want to know the truth, Reed. What was it? You just got bored with me? You were done fucking me so you tossed me aside?”
“Don’t do that, honey,” I said. “You’re going to lose this battle.”
“The fuck I am,” she said. “You have no idea what I’ve been through.”
“I don’t really care,” I said. “You got a gig. You got a side gig with my band. And you got yourself some good cock last night and this morning. Call it even.”
“Fuck you,” Abby said. “Call it even? You’re a piece of shit, Reed.”
“And you just figured that out?” I asked with a laugh. “What the fuck did you think this was here, Abby? We were going to fuck like crazy and then talk about the past and… what? Write a hit song together? Is it always about money to you?”
“Have you ever struggled once, Reed?”
“Oh, fuck that,” I said. “You know what the band has been through.”
“Been through?” Abby yelled. “Here’s what I know… while I was scrubbing fucking vomit off the floor at a dive bar, you were making millions. While I was singing at one in the morning to a bunch of drunks who would never remember me, you were making millions. Every time I turned on the radio, I heard one of your songs. Watching guys enjoy your music. Seeing drunk women singing your songs. Hearing them talking about wanting to fuck the band. Are you kidding me?”
“Did you get their names?” I asked.
“What?”
“You said there were women who wanted to fuck the band,” I said. “Did you get their names?”
“Fuck. You.”
“What? They’d appreciate what I have to offer. But not you, right? Nothing is ever good enough for Abby. I’m surprised you didn’t latch onto someone else yet.”
Her face turned bright red.
And here it was… typical Reed and Abby.
Fucking one minute, fighting the next.
“I hate you, Reed,” she said.
“I know. That’s why the sex was so good. I felt you pumping that hate, honey. Driving those legs of yours up and down, wishing you could hurt me, knowing you were flooding me with your juices.”
“Juices? That’s gross.”
“Not to me,” I said. “I’ll take a drink right now.”
Abby showed me both middle fingers. “And just like you always are… nothing can be serious.”
Her voice crackled.
She blinked fast.
Oh, no, no, no…
“I just wanted an answer,” she said. “The truth. I thought I could get it now.”
“Why? You think I’m still feeling high from your pussy? Please. You should have caught me while my cum was spraying all over your belly button.”
“You’re a terrible person, Reed. No matter how famous you are. Or how much money you have. You are terrible. You know what? I hope you’re alone. I hope you’re lonely. You have this big house, a personal chef, a recording studio… but what does it matter if you’re alone?”
“I’m never alone, honey.”
“Yeah, because of money. You buy time from people.”
“You didn’t mind receiving it,” I said. “You’re getting paid, Abby. So shut up and enjoy it.”
“That’s what you think last night and this morning was?”
“What else would it be?” I asked. “You want some kind of fucking deal. Just admit it. You’re worried about royalties on a song you sing backup on. That’s the shit that makes nobody want to work with you. You can’t just get the chance and go with it. You have to have it all figured out beforehand. It’s fucking sad to watch. No wonder you sing the way you do now.”
Tears leaked from Abby’s eyes.
I was tearing into her.
I couldn’t stop though.
All of this had been building up for so long…
“Anything else you want to say?” Abby whispered.
“Plenty,” I said. “You can’t handle it. Go dress up and pretend to be someone else.”
“You’re one to talk,” she said. “You pretend to be someone else every day of your life. Don’t act like you don’t regret what you did to me. What you did to us. Don’t act like it doesn’t crush you.”
“Maybe it does,” I said. “Maybe you’re right. But you know what, honey? I just send one text and it all goes away. Someone will be here in your place in ten minutes, Abby. And she’ll be on her knees, appreciating her time with me.”
Abby turned and hurried away.
I balled my hands up into fists and watched her go.
My heart was racing.
Really fast.
Really hard.
Nobody did that to me.
Except Abby.
She did it back then.
She did now.
Did I hurt her just now?
Of course I did.
Sometimes the past would come back to bite you.
16
ABBY
We sang the last chorus for another rousing effort of HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY. We stood in the foyer of an engineering company, singing to the receptionist. Now, in this case, the singing wasn’t all that bad. It was Bethany’s sixty-fifth birthday. I knew the entire thing of hiring us was a big joke, but Bethany reveled in it.
She smiled. Danced a little.
And when we finished, two young men in suits hugged her, and she began to cry.
I looked to my right and Rae was wiping her eyes.
“Why are you crying?” I whispered to her.
“I love when old people cry,” she whispered back. “Leave me alone. I’m hormonal.”
“Are you pregnant?” Jess asked on the other side of Rae.
“What?” Rae asked. “No. I’m getting my period this week.”
“At least you hope so,” I said.
“I know when to make someone pull out,” Rae announced.
Everyone looked at Rae.
“Happy Birthday!” she announced and clapped her hands.
We clapped and laughed.
Sasha all but lunged forward to the desk where she spoke with the two men in the suits. They must have been the owners of the business. Or the bosses.
Sasha always handled that part of the gig.
We just showed up, sang, and eventually got paid.
“Is she done yet?” Jess asked. “I need a cigarette.”
“You’re jumpy today,” I said. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m jumpy?” Jess asked, looking past Rae to me.
Then I had both Jess and Rae looking at me.
“What?” I asked.
“You’ve been a raging bitch,” Rae whispered. “I don’t know what happened, but something-”
“Thank you so much,” Sasha said in a loud voice.
I wanted to know what the hell Rae and Jess were talking about.
I mean, yeah, sure, things sucked a little.
When I came back home from Reed’s place, I took a long shower and then curled up into my bed and fought the urge to cry. I didn’t need the shower, but I needed to wash away anything that reminded me of him. As far as crying went, it just hurt that he refused to talk about what happened the night he kicked me out of the tour bus.