Trent had been his best friend, and he’d slept with his ex-girlfriend. Hilary was her name. I tried not to think about her, because then I got lost in the rabbit hole that was my mind. What did she look like? Was she good in bed? Had he been happy with her, before she’d cheated? Was Trent her first time cheating? Countless of questions, none of which I’d ever get the answers to, because I wouldn’t say them aloud.
“What happens when you see him more?” I asked, mostly curious because I didn’t want Calum to get into any fights, to get arrested or something.
“I don’t know,” he answered, squeezing my hand. He’d pulled it onto his lap not that long ago, holding it there while his other arm was wrapped around my shoulders, holding me close as we sat on the steps and gazed up at the waning light.
Michelle had left to hang out with Kyle while Calum and I were at dinner, so I didn’t get to see her off. Mom and Dad stayed in the house, which gave us some privacy. I knew they wouldn’t eavesdrop on us; plus, it was far too cold to have any of the windows open in the house. My dad was way too uptight when it came to the electric bill to waste heat like that.
“I still get angry when I think about it,” Calum whispered. “I don’t think I can ever forgive him for what he did.”
“How long have you known him?”
“Freshman year in college, so…seven years?” Calum sighed, adding under his breath, “Damn, I feel old, now.”
Even though it wasn’t a funny matter, his last comment made me chuckle. “You are not old.”
“I am. I’m so old.”
“You are not.”
“I’m older than you.”
I found myself chuckling again. “Not by that much.” Five years, sure, but in the scheme of things, five years really wasn’t that long. When you were an adult, five years passed you by in the blink of an eye. If you weren’t careful, your entire life could pass you by.
One of the terrible things about getting older. Because you didn’t have many new experiences, you perceived time differently. Your childhood felt like an eternity, and you could remember certain things in picture-perfect detail—but when you got older, your memories blurred together, and sometimes you zoned out while you drove to work or to college, because you’d done it so much.
“I feel old,” I muttered, frowning to myself. I’d felt so much older than I was for so long now; I couldn’t remember a time when I felt like my actual age.
The hand holding onto mine loosened its hold. Calum lifted his head off mine, turning to swipe at my hair and tuck it behind an ear. “You’re twenty,” he said, smiling softly, “you’re not old.”
“I feel a lot older than that, though.”
“Why?” The arm around my shoulders loosened so he could get a good look at my face. Calum appeared so serious, so intent on me, and even after all this time, I still wasn’t used to it. Would I ever be?
My shoulders shrugged beneath the hoodie, and I muttered, “I don’t know.” Even though, deep down, I did. It was the same reason I felt miserable and sad most of the time. Nature just didn’t want me to be happy. My brain wasn’t wired right. Whatever. “I just do.”
“Well, I’m older than you, so if you’re old, I must be ancient.” He watched me with heavy eyes as I smiled gently. “But you just said I’m not old, which means you’re not, either. Now that that’s settled, we can talk about something that really matters. Now, this one is really important to the state of our relationship—I mean it.” He paused, matching my smile with one of his own. “Leftover pizza. How do you eat it?”
That was not at all what I was expecting him to say, so I found myself laughing into the night air. Leftover pizza. I was not aware that was such a make-it-or-break-it kind of thing, but what did I know?
“Uh…” I bit my bottom lip. “Can I pass?”
The hand on my shoulder fell to my back, snaking around my waist as he held me and grinned. “No, you cannot pass. Answer the question. The more you put it off, the more I’m starting to wonder…”
“Heat it up?”
My unsure answer made him pull away from me and start to get up, like he was leaving, like I’d answered wrong. But he couldn’t do it; Calum couldn’t even stand before his arms found me once more and pulled me in close. “I was going to pretend to leave, but I can’t,” he whispered. “Just so you know, that’s the wrong answer.”
“What’s the right answer?” I asked his chest, oddly comfortable being smothered by it.
“You eat it cold. Come on, Bree. Be real.”
Grinning, I closed my eyes, relishing in the feeling of being so close to him. It was almost too easy to be around him, natural in every way. I didn’t want to see the day when he and I were no longer in each other’s lives. I couldn’t even imagine it.
And yet, at the same time, I realized something as I sat there in his arms, smiling to myself.
I couldn’t keep them both forever. Something would have to give.
And, like always, that something would be me.
Chapter Fifteen – Calum
Now that I knew Bree wasn’t a fan of surprises, I would reevaluate any other surprise visits. I should’ve known she liked routine; that’s what I had to be for her. Even if I wasn’t there beside her every day, I had to be a stable part of her routine. I wouldn’t throw everything into chaos just because I was more spontaneous than that. No, I wasn’t that selfish.
I thought about her a lot when I returned home. How she’d hugged me when I showed up in her room, how sad those beautiful green eyes had been. Was I the only one who noticed the constant heaviness in her gaze, or did everyone else purposefully ignore it? Bree, in spite of her pink hair, tended to fly under everyone’s radars. I didn’t know what to think about that.
Like before, Trent made himself scarce. I wasn’t going to complain about it, because I did not want to see that bastard’s face. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I could ever forgive him. It wasn’t like he and Hilary were never introduced to each other. He knew I was with her, and he knew I loved her.
Loved. Past-tense. Not present. I hadn’t seen her since the incident, since I told her, amongst a string of swearwords, that we were done. At this point, I didn’t want to see her again. She’d tried calling and texting, sure, but I never responded. The moment she thought she’d sneak around behind my back, we were done.
My love for that woman had faded these last few weeks, and the place in my heart that Hillary used to occupy now was taken up by a certain pink-haired girl. With that cheater of an ex, everything had been hot and fast from the get-go, but with Bree, I knew it wasn’t like that. With her, I needed—no, I wanted—to take my time.
Bree had never been with anyone before, and while it might dissuade some men from going after her, it was not going to stop me. Yes, it was nice to have your physical release, to feel skin on yours and orgasm with the help of someone else…but that’s not all that life was about. Sex was not everything, and I was trying to show Bree that I would wait for her.
I might’ve messed up by surprising her on Saturday, but overall, the day went well. No amount of time spent with her was enough, and I knew that meant she had me wrapped around her finger. I knew, deep down, that meant I was already hers.