“Yeah, but I don’t want to…. Aww, don’t make that face. I was thinking about using peanut butter or maybe almond butter for some healthy fats… but probably peanut butter because more people have that in their pantries.”
“I like peanut butter.” Some of the skepticism fell off his face, and his eyes stopped being so narrowed. “You’re not going to use chocolate chips then?”
I shook my head. “No. I want to keep it to less than four or five ingredients.” All of my recipes were as hassle-free as possible. That was part of my “thing” with my recipes.
He wrinkled his nose, and it made me smile again. “Cacao powder is going to be too bitter if you were thinking about using that.”
Cacao powder. Look at this guy. He was going to make me swoon. “Yeah, I know. Cocoa powder might be all right though, and it’s easier to find.”
CJ gave me a thoughtful and disbelieving face, but he nodded after a moment.
“If they’re decent, I’ll bring them over,” I offered.
“What are you going to bring over?”
I turned to find Zac crossing the living room, freshly showered and smiling at me. He was in his normal outfit, his face clean-shaved. “Flourless brownies, but only if they’re decent.” I slid his roommate a look.
CJ grunted, straightening off the couch he was leaning against. “With bananas and no chocolate chips,” he reminded me, making it seem almost like an accusation.
Zac stopped in front of me, and I only froze for a second before reaching up and putting my arms around his neck, his wrapping around the middle of my back as we hugged each other tight. Taking a step back after a second, I smiled up at Zac’s face even as I told CJ, “Maybe it’ll be pretty good. Who knows?”
That had CJ making a noise with his nose. “Like the first time you tried to make Funyuns?”
I stopped laughing.
The other man cracked a smile. “You smoked out your kitchen the first time, and then the second time, you spit out what you did make.”
I could feel Zac’s gaze on my face as I muttered, “There are some things you should leave to the professionals.” I’d forgotten all about smoking out the damn kitchen. That homemade Funyuns fail had been my first screwup at my apartment. To be fair, even the second time, it had still been pretty disgusting, like sandpaper sprinkled with garlic and onion powder. I’d given up after that. Whatever magic they put into the chips was a secret and should be kept that way.
CJ snickered at the same time that Zac asked in a confused tone, those light blue eyes bouncing between his roommate and me, “You two already knew each other?”
It was CJ who replied. “No.” The pause he took gave me enough time to glance at the other man. “You didn’t watch that video?”
Hadn’t I told CJ I was pretty sure Zac didn’t know about my vlog? Well, it had been bound to happen eventually, especially with how much we’d been seeing each other. I scratched at my cheek and carefully crouched, pretending to tie my sneaker while I gave myself a couple seconds to figure out how the hell I was going to explain this.
“What video?” my old friend asked.
I grimaced at my black tennis shoe, but his roommate beat me to it again. “The Funyuns one.”
“What Funyuns one? Like the chip?”
Yeah, he had no clue.
I took my sweet time finishing the knot that hadn’t needed to be tied in the first place.
“On her vlog,” CJ answered for me. “The Lazy Baker.”
Shit. Well, there was the truth. I stood up straight and instantly caught the blue eyes that had swung toward me.
Zac was frowning a little bit. “What? Like on WatchTube?”
“Yeah.”
All right, this had definitely not been the way I had hoped this would happen, but I guess it could have been worse.
Okay, I wasn’t sure how it could have possibly been worse, but I was sure there was a way.
I had, on purpose, not told him something big when he’d specifically asked me how life had been going. To be fair, I hadn’t thought we’d see each other again so soon. But none of those excuses mattered right then because I was busted in the worst way.
Then Zac glanced down at me, and I felt about three inches tall.
For what had to be about the twentieth time since we’d seen each other, I shrugged again, like no big deal, even though some part of my gut realized… well, that he might not think it wasn’t a big deal that I had purposely skipped around a big part of my life.
Or maybe it was just my guilt for purposely not telling him when I’d had plenty of opportunities to do so.
I’d had good intentions, but they were hard to explain.
Lying had this ability of making a person feel like a piece of shit—sometimes a little piece of shit, sometimes a giant piece of shit, but a piece of shit nonetheless. And now my small piece of shit ass had to own up to what I’d done: not told him something that was important to me. Very important to me. Because I’d been an asshole. “I have a WatchTube channel, Zac. I film videos and upload them,” I tried to explain to the confused man looking down at me. “I try to make things—food—for fun.”
Okay, that was all a stretch. I had a schedule. I posted videos at the same day and time every week. They were all just about the same length. I picked my clothes out and ironed them before filming. Did my makeup with care. Straightened my hair. Spent hours editing each video. Answered hundreds of emails and comments a week. Worked on my website regularly. Haggled with sponsors who wanted me to promote their products in my videos.
I’d made money from it and a little bit of a name.
And I’d almost lost it at all. Keeping it had come at a really high cost. I’d wiped out my bank account for it. It was why I hadn’t thought about quitting the gym until recently.
That handsome face swung toward me even more, eyebrows furrowing, and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was genuinely thinking about what I’d just explained. “Why didn’t I know that?”
Because he hadn’t asked about me in years, but I didn’t say that. I just shrugged. Again. “I don’t really tell anyone about it unless they bring it up. Only one person at my job knows—the girl I introduced you to.” I scratched at my nose again. “It’s not a big deal,” I tried to insist.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watched CJ’s face screw up. “Don’t you have a million subscribers?”
He wasn’t helping, he wasn’t helping at all, and the expression I shot him conveyed that. “Somewhere around there.” It was more than that now, but….
Zac’s frown got even deeper, and there was something in his eyes that made my stomach clench. “You bake in the videos?” he asked.
“Bakes, makes meals, snacks, but the recipes are all off the top of her head, and she messes them up every once in a while,” CJ explained for me, still not helping, but probably thinking that he was.
Bless his heart.
Well, I had brought this upon myself, and I had to own up to it.
“I make them up as I go along, and I don’t write anything down until I’m in front of the camera,” I confirmed. It always annoyed the shit out of me that people assumed I butchered recipes on purpose. “Messing up is part of what viewers like though. People like to watch other people fail.” My most viewed videos were of my screwups without a doubt.