It was you. I didn’t know it then, but it was just you that I wanted.
“Nothing. I wanted nothing from you. I was trying to help.”
“You wanted to help a stranger. Am I this year’s charity case?”
I ground my teeth and stood up. She rose as well, standing only inches away. My hands wanted to cradle her face like I’d done so many times, but I didn’t have the right to touch her anymore.
“You changed me. You worked on it. You tricked me into loving you—you showed me this guy, this guy I could trust and love and not be afraid to be myself around. You showed me that I could have family that I could trust. You gave me an illusion. All your help with the coffee shop…and then when I was sick—you were right there, but you were acting, playing with me. It was all a lie, Jack. You were nothing but a lie, and you’ll never know how much it hurts me to know that. I wanted something real with you. You knew what Joshua had done to me, but what did you do? You went ahead and did the exact same thing, just with a different game.”
A few tears escaped her eyes, rolling over her skin before she quickly wiped them away in anger. I did nothing but watch, my pulse racing and my blood roaring in my veins, helpless.
“I hope you got what you wanted out of this. I hope it was worth it.”
“I risked losing you to have a shot at you, Rose. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
She shook her head and, her shoulder brushing mine, walked away. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I turned around to watch her leave me.
She stopped with her hand on the door, her head hanging.
“Say something, Jack. Apologize. Something. Please say something.”
Her words were a whisper that sliced me open. I took a step forward but then stopped. Now that she knew some things, I wouldn’t lie to her about the rest. I wouldn’t say something I knew she wouldn’t believe.
“I paid twice the amount of the property’s worth to Bryan after he showed up at your coffee shop before the opening.” Her head snapped back, her expression horrified. “He didn’t like the fact that we pulled the rug from under him. He was going to contest the will, he called me countless times, threatened me with you. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe the marriage, I think he did after you moved in with me—especially after he saw us together at the coffee shop and then later at the event—he just didn’t want you to have the place. I paid him after that night at the charity event. That’s why he let it go and I told him not to show his face to you again. He was going to be a problem, so we reached an agreement. I paid him off.”
“How could he believe what we had is real? Why wouldn’t Joshua tell him you paid him?”
Had. Past tense.
“I believe he is playing your cousin, he couldn’t admit to what he is. He wouldn’t tell.”
“Why didn’t you buy the damn place if you could before you married me, Jack? Why not rent the place to me if all you wanted was to get close to me?”
“Would you have accepted the offer? You’d never agree to pay low rent. That’s not you. It doesn’t even matter, I still tried to do it, but like I told you that first day, Bryan was adamant about not selling. You were going to lose everything and lose out on the coffee shop. I thought if I jumped straight to marriage you’d think I was in it for the property, for other things. You wouldn’t even consider that I was in it for you. And you didn’t. You didn’t even like me.”
For a second she appeared to be at a loss for words, so I pushed forward.
“I won’t apologize for something I’m not sorry for. I’m not happy with how things went down, but I wasn’t going to do anything after marrying you. I wasn’t supposed to come close, and I tried my best to stay away. I did my best, Rose, trust me, but the more time I spent around you, the more I got to know you…I couldn’t stay away. When I realized I didn’t want to stay away, couldn’t stay away, I decided I would try to be what you’d want, what you deserve. Try to win your heart. I’m not lying when I say all I wanted to do was help you when I offered to get married. At the end of two years, we were going to get a divorce and you’d never see me again. That was the plan, but somewhere along the way, I fell for you, and because of that, I’m not sorry. I’d do it again. I wouldn’t take back a single moment I had with you.”
She turned to look at me, and from the look on her face, I knew she’d already left me. “I will never forgive you for this,” she said.
“I know,” I whispered. “I love you anyway.”
Her posture stiffened even further and she squared her shoulders as if trying to shield herself from my words. She must’ve known I was falling for her. I knew she was falling for me, so she must have known. It couldn’t have been just me. I knew that.
“Love me?” Her lips curved up, but it wasn’t the smile I loved so much. “You don’t love me, Jack. I don’t think you’re capable of loving anyone.”
I would never know if it was the last words I would hear from her that did me in or if it was watching her leave me. When she was out of sight, I walked to my desk, picked up a glass paperweight and threw it against the wall.
I stayed at the office until midnight working my ass off. I finished proposals and called clients, doing everything I didn’t need to do to pass time and not go home, but there was nowhere to hide. I’d known what I was doing from the very beginning. I’d knowingly decided against telling Rose what I had done.
I had paid Joshua three more times, and he had still gone to her.
Truth be told, the reason I was avoiding going home was because I knew she wouldn’t be there anymore, and I wasn’t willing to have that truth slap me in the face. Rose had acted exactly like I’d expected her to. I’d earned her parting remark. Even I hadn’t thought I was capable of loving anyone like I loved her before it had happened. Why would she believe me now?
At a quarter past twelve, I got in my car.
“Sir, are we heading home?”
“You can call me just Jack, Raymond. You call my wife by her name, and I don’t see a reason why you can’t call me by my name.”
His eyes met mine in the rearview mirror and he nodded. “Home? Or somewhere else first?”
“To the apartment, please.”
I looked outside, my gaze on the empty streets. It was quieter than usual as traffic lights let us pass one by one. A few minutes into the drive, Raymond broke the silence between us.
“She wanted to walk.”
My thoughts scattered all at once. “Excuse me?”
“Rose. It had just started snowing so I offered to take her home, but she said she wanted to walk.”
I imagined she did.
The rest of the car ride was quiet up until he pulled up in front of our building—my building. He stopped the engine and we sat there for a long moment. I wasn’t sure why I thought sitting in the car and prolonging the pain I was feeling in my chest was a good idea when I knew what I’d find up there, but there was still a small part of me that was hoping.
“Okay,” I said out loud and ran a hand over my face. “Okay then. Good night, Raymond.”
“Would you like me to wait here?”