“I put it on after you left,” I whispered, my hand still in his. Then he gently put it down on the island again.
“Good.”
I forced my eyes open but didn’t look up at him. I was still feeling the ghost of his touch on my skin.
“Ready to leave?”
I nodded. “Mhmm.” I put the last container away and quietly got ready, my eyes safely away from him.
However, it didn’t escape my notice that my movements were getting more sluggish by the minute. The adrenaline was leaving my body, and pretty quickly, too.
As I took one last look at the coffee shop before I locked it down for the night, I felt immense pleasure knowing I’d get to come back the next day and do it all over again.
Thinking about Jack and the business deal between us, I went down the other road, too, the ex-fiancé road: Joshua Landon. I was a little surprised with myself that I wasn’t thinking of him more. We’d had good days. In the beginning. He had swept me off my feet. He’d been perfect; said everything I didn’t even know I needed him to say, acted as if I was his world and slowly won me over when I wasn’t interested in something serious. After I’d said yes to his proposal things had started to change. He had started to change. If we’d married, if he hadn’t disappeared on me after breaking the engagement over a stupid text, would I have had this? Would he have dropped by every day after work to help me? I didn’t think so. I’d been with Joshua for a whole year and I couldn’t remember a time he’d gone out of his way to help me with something—unless, that is, he wanted something in return. I hadn’t needed his help; I didn’t even remember ever asking for his help. That wasn’t the issue, though. I hadn’t needed Jack’s help either. I hadn’t asked for his help, yet he’d been there anyway, day after day.
For the first time, I didn’t say a word in the car, didn’t try to engage Jack in small talk as Raymond drove us back to the apartment. He ordered Chinese and I went up to take a quick shower before it was delivered. When the doorbell rang, I was coming down the stairs. By the time he paid and closed the door, I was standing next to him. I took one of the bags and we headed toward the kitchen.
“You’re quiet tonight. You barely even said anything in the car.” I only realized how hungry I was when the delicious smells coming from the containers had my stomach growling. A little embarrassed, I stepped away from him to put some distance between us and opened the fridge to take out two water bottles.
“I have a little headache,” I mumbled. The fact that I had a headache wasn’t a lie in itself, but something else was wrong. I had no idea what had happened, but I was feeling even more awkward next to him than I had before that day. Maybe it was the lingering kiss or the multiple hugs or maybe it was the thought of Joshua.
His eyes cut to mine, but I avoided his gaze as he took down two plates and we started to spoon out a little of everything.
“Rice?”
I nodded, and he dumped some on my plate. Then, grabbing both our plates, he walked straight out of the kitchen. “Let’s eat at the table. I’m tired of sitting at the kitchen island alone.”
Wordlessly, I followed him and stood in the doorway as he stopped next to the dining table. I watched him put down our plates, pull out a chair, and look at me with a raised eyebrow.
“Will you join me?”
As a kid who had taken most of her meals in the kitchen, a dining room table always reminded me of one thing.
Family.
Which I’d never had.
I walked toward him and sat down as he pushed my chair forward.
He sat across from me, reaching for his chopsticks.
I was staring straight into his deep blues.
Shaking my head, I got up and just as I was going to walk past him, his hand gently curled around my wrist, his thumb gently sweeping up and down, effectively stopping my forward movement. My words got stuck in my throat and I just stared down at him, at his eyes.
“Rose.” He spoke softly, as if he was talking to a kid. “Are you sure everything is okay?”
“I forgot the water.”
Deeply conscious of the way his presence and his hand on my skin were making me feel, I waited for him to let go of me. It took a few seconds, but when he did, I almost ran to the kitchen.
Back in my seat, keeping my hands under the table, I rubbed my wrist, trying to get rid of the weird tingles.
The silence and familiarity calmed me down, and I realized it was normal now, being with him, like this. We were just two strangers who had gotten married for the wrong reasons sitting at a big, ten-person dining table, and it felt normal and good.
As soon as my plate was cleared, I rose, and Jack pushed up to his feet with me even though he wasn’t done yet.
“You’re going?” he asked, something that sounded very similar to disappointment in his voice.
“I…should go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be another long day. I’ve been getting these little headaches recently, so it would be better, I think, if…”
“I understand.”
I took my plate and again tried to walk past him, but he touched me again.
“I’ll take care of it.”
“I can—”
“Rose. Go away. Get some rest.”
I gave him a smile. Exactly when had my name become so…so effective in making me break out into goose bumps?
I felt the ghost of his touch and the warmth of his fingers on my skin almost up until I fell asleep.
The number of times Jack Hawthorne smiled: not even a single one.
Chapter Ten
Jack
For two strangers who had met and gotten married roughly a month and a half ago, we had fallen into a routine faster than I’d expected. Day after day, I found myself helping Rose at her coffee shop. Even when I didn’t intend to drop by, or let’s say even when I knew I shouldn’t drop by, I still found myself on her doorstep. I’d lost count of how many times I’d lied and said I had a meeting nearby or found other convenient lies. I don’t think she believed them anymore. Maybe I needed the lies for my own sake.
By the time her place was ready to open, it had felt like she had destroyed the small barrier I’d tried my best to put up between us. Something had shifted. It was there in the way she looked at me, or sometimes the way she wasn’t looking at me. I wasn’t sure just yet if it was a good change or what it exactly meant, but it was a change nonetheless.
I woke up earlier than I was used to. After having received another text from Joshua Landon after Rose went to bed, I had some issues sleeping. I sighed and got up, going straight to the gym in the next room. I couldn’t think of any other way to work out my frustrations with myself and the situation. This business deal, Rose, this marriage was the worst decision I’d made in my life because I was losing control and losing it fast. I was doing everything I’d thought I wouldn’t do. Yet it was too late to back out. It’d been too late to back out ever since I’d met her at city hall.
I hated running, but I ran on that damn treadmill for over an hour, watching the night sky slowly change color as the sun replaced the moon. When I jumped off, I was still angry and frustrated to the point that I was ready to risk everything and come clean, even though I knew it wasn’t the right time, that it might never be the right time.