I think Jack and Bryan exchanged a few more words, I could hear Jack’s clipped and anything-but-happy tone, but the pounding in my ears prevented me from making out specific words. Starting to feel a little dizzy, I took my shocked eyes off of Joshua when Jodi leaned up and whispered something in his ear, earning a low chuckle from him. I’d been on the receiving end of that chuckle before, and I had loved the warm sound. Now it made my stomach turn.
I leaned harder on Jack, thankful that he was so big and strong next to me. He moved our joined hands from between our bodies and rounded his arm around my waist, my hand still very much attached to his, my arm bent.
I didn’t exactly know what to do with myself, so when I felt Jack’s warm lips against my temple, I looked up at him with a dazed look.
“You want to go find our table?”
I studied his face, his beautiful but angry eyes. He looked so good in a tux, so unattainable, yet there he was, not mine but still holding me up.
“Yes,” I whispered. “Please.”
Jack bid good evening to my cousins and Joshua, and I managed to force a faint smile on my lips. Jodi and Joshua were already walking away.
“Looking forward to hearing back from you, Jack,” Bryan said and touched my arm which made me instinctively jerk and then he walked away too. I couldn’t even make sense of his words.
“What’s he talking about, Jack.”
“Don’t worry about it. Would you like to leave?” Jack asked, and I turned my unfocused eyes back to him.
“Yes.”
My husband, the strong man who was still holding me up, started to gently turn me toward the door we had just come in through. Two steps later, I put my hand on his arm and stopped him.
“No. No, wait. We made a deal. I’m sorry. I’m not going to leave.”
I was talking to his chest, but he nudged my chin up and looked deep into my soul.
“There is no deal, Rose.”
“Yes, there is. This is a business deal. There is no reason for us to leave.”
“Rose—” he started, but I cut him off.
“That was Joshua, my ex-fiancé, with my cousin.”
His lips tightened. “I know who he is.”
“I was surprised, that’s all. I’m okay now.”
“I didn’t know,” he ground out after a few seconds of searching for something in my eyes. God, his eyes were beautiful. “If I had known they’d be here, your cousins and… I didn’t know, Rose.”
I smiled, just a little. “I know that.”
“What was wrong with Bryan? He called me just a few days ago, still threatening. Why would he talk like he just did?”
“You didn’t tell me he called.”
“It wasn’t important.”
“It is. If he bothers you again, tell me.”
I nodded.
“Rose… I thought you’d enjoy this one, the cause—that’s why I chose it.”
My smile widened and resembled something more genuine. “You’re right. I will enjoy this one because of the cause.”
He shook his head, his expression hard. “I’m messing this up every step of the way, aren’t I?”
I wasn’t sure what came over me, but something in his tone didn’t sit well. So, as if it was the most natural thing for me to do, still looking into his eyes, I rose up on my tippy toes, placed my hand on his stubbled cheek, and kissed the edge of his lips. That was as far as I’d allow myself to go. His hand tightened on my waist, pulling me at least a few inches closer to him. It didn’t close the gap between us, but I was aware of his hand and where it was the entire time.
“Thank you,” I whispered as I dropped down to my heels, busying myself with fixing his bow tie.
He let go of my waist. “For what?”
I didn’t have a straight answer for that. “Just thank you.”
He ground his perfectly square jaw and sighed. “You sure you want to stay?”
I wasn’t sure, but I wasn’t going to leave. I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction, no matter how much I wanted to tuck my tail between my legs and flee. “Yes. Completely.”
As we broke out of our little private bubble, I started to hear everything else around us: a man’s robust laughter, plates clinking, someone coughing, a woman’s giggle, and the low classical music. Jack guided us as he always did, with a gentle hand on my back, and I made sure not to look anywhere but forward. It was very hard not to flinch at every loud noise as we walked around tables and finally came to a stop in front of one that was tucked at the very edge.
Jack pulled out a chair and I sat down. Obviously, I didn’t know anyone at the table, but I didn’t think Jack did either. For a long while, we were quiet. Then I made the mistake of looking to my right, just to see if I could see the kids from where I was sitting, but my eyes met with Joshua’s instead. They were two tables to our right and a little behind. It didn’t look like Jodi was with him at that moment, but Bryan was there, sitting to his right, talking to someone else who was seated at their table. Joshua didn’t break eye contact with me, his brown eyes watching, calculating. Then, so subtly I almost missed it, he raised his champagne as if toasting me.
I turned back around, feeling sick to my stomach and promising myself I wouldn’t look over my shoulder again during the entire event.
“How do you feel?” Jack asked, and my eyes slid to him. He was staring ahead, his jaw ticking again.
In a way, I knew he wasn’t asking how I felt about the situation. I believed he was asking what I was feeling toward my ex-fiancé.
I answered honestly in a steady voice. “Sick to my stomach.” That was exactly how I felt, though somehow I also felt relieved that I hadn’t made the mistake of marrying someone like Joshua—someone who told me how much he loved me so easily and so often and yet, in the end, apparently didn’t mean it at all. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend how he could be with Jodi. They knew each other through me. We’d had dinner together a handful of times with the family when Gary had invited him over and they’d chatted every now and then when we bumped into each other, but I could’ve never, ever imagined…this—not even from Jodi, and definitely not from Joshua. He’d always told me he thought Jodi was like an ice princess and he didn’t care for that type.
My hands were in my lap, almost frozen, so when Jack’s hand covered mine, I dropped my eyes, watching him slowly link our fingers together again, just as he had done so many times in the last hour. I was fascinated by it enough that I let go of every single thought about Jodi and Joshua evidently being together and focused on the only thing that was warming me from the inside out.
“Your hands are cold,” Jack muttered under his breath, and I realized how close we were sitting to each other.
Had he moved? He kept our hands on my thigh, mine tightly grasped in his, and I decided I liked the feel of it, the heaviness, the warmth. So I held on just as tight. “I know.”
His thumb started rolling my wedding ring around my finger.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
It was such a weird sensation, feeling his skin on mine. Did he feel the same? The tingles?
He nodded once and I peered at him under my lashes, trying not to be too obvious. So what if he was just pretending? I could do the same. I could take this comfort from him and let myself feel loved. I could just stop thinking and enjoy my seconds and minutes with him. I didn’t have to analyze my every move. I could just be whatever I wanted to be with Jack while we were out in public like this. I could fool myself, happily, before we had to step back into the real, harsh world.