“Give me a minute and we’ll help you down.”
Rose didn’t listen to her. I doubt she even heard her. She pushed her legs out from under her and tried to put her foot on the little ladder they had, but her legs didn’t hold her up and she stumbled. I rushed forward and caught her before she could fall on her face. She fisted my button-up shirt in her hands, but with her eyes swimming with tears, I doubted she could even make out any of my features.
My jaw set, I got my arm under her legs and lifted her off the table and into my arms. The fact that she didn’t protest only wound me up tighter. Her arms rounded my neck and she pushed her face into my neck, her tears running down my skin.
Without a word to Rose or the technician, I quickly walked out of the room with her clinging to me and moved back into the small space where we had gotten ready. I closed the door behind us with my shoulder and gently sat down on the bench next to the wall. I stayed quiet until her breathing was finally on its way to getting back to normal.
“It’s over now. Calm down.”
Her head moved just a fraction, but she still stayed put. I closed my arms a little tighter around her, just holding her close.
She pressed her palm high on my chest and held it there. “I can’t…I can’t seem to catch my breath, Jack.”
I closed my eyes. Her voice was scratchy, and it bugged the hell out of me. “You’re doing fine. Just keep breathing and that’s enough for now.”
Her chest moved against mine when she released a small snort. “That’s enough?”
“That’s enough.”
She burrowed in closer. “I’m sorry—for embarrassing you, for freaking out, for not being able to move right now even though your shirt and skin are soaked with my tears and some brain fluids.”
My eyes still closed, I dropped my head back with a small thud against the wall. She was killing me.
“I was fine the first ten minutes or so,” she whispered, pushing her forehead into my skin. “But then I couldn’t breathe. My head started spinning like crazy and the tears just started coming down on their own. I was afraid they were gonna stop and start it all over again, so I don’t even know how I stopped the shaking.”
I kissed her temple. “You did fine and it’s done.”
“I should get up.”
“Yes.”
We didn’t move, I kissed her temple again. I couldn’t stop myself. She was still trembling slightly, but when a knock sounded on the door, she stirred in my arms.
“Give us a second,” I called out, raising my voice only enough that whoever was outside could hear me.
Pressing her hand on my chest, Rose pushed herself off of me before I was ready to let go and slowly got back up on her feet. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she opened the locker and grabbed the tissue she’d apparently left inside, quickly wiping under her nose and tilting her head back. Holding the tissue and sniffling at the same time, she started to pull out the rest of her things. Still sitting down, I watched her eyes dart around, her face blotchy and wet. I caught sight of her blue lacy bra and rose to my feet.
“I’ll wait for you outside.”
As I was moving to go pick up my own things—my watch, belt, and wallet—from the desk, her voice stilled me.
“Jack?”
I pressed my lips together and glanced back at her over my shoulder, waiting for her to go on. She was standing in front of the locker with her socks on, hugging her bra and her coat to her chest. For the first time, she really looked ill, not to mention lost and alone, and that image didn’t sit right with me. No, it pissed me the hell off.
“This isn’t enough, I know, but thank you. Thank you for being here when I know you… Thank you.”
“I didn’t do anything,” I muttered, my tone harsher than I intended, before giving her a curt nod and stepping out of the room.
When she stepped out a few minutes later, she looked better. She even offered the technician a smile before walking out the door. She had licked her wounds and was ready for the rest. I believed that was why I was starting to fall for her.
I placed my hand on the small of her back, maintaining whatever contact I could with her all the way to the car.
They had scheduled her surgery for the following Tuesday after her eventful MRI. That one week was hell on earth for both of us. On Monday they needed us to come in so they could do the last few tests that were necessary for the surgery to go smoothly. An eye exam, an echocardiogram, and a pre-assessment with the anesthesiologist were just a few of the things we—she had done. Rose thought all of it was fun. That was her go-to word the last few days leading up to the surgery, and she was laying it on thick with the sarcasm. For me, it had been anything but fun.
She was all smiles when she was working—welcoming the customers, laughing and joking around with Sally and the other one—but as soon as she closed the place down with me standing right next to her, she turned mute.
She barely talked to Raymond and didn’t ask about his latest date, which I had gathered was her favorite thing to do in the mornings and in the evenings as he drove us back to the apartment. She barely said hello to the doorman, Steve, and left me to do the talking.
Me.
The days after the MRI, as soon as we got home, she disappeared into her room, mumbling a few things that ended up with her saying something about having a headache and being tired. I believed her. I knew she was tired, could see she was having headaches more frequently, but on Monday when we got back from the hospital and she ran straight up to her room without a word, I finally reached my limit and couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t going to let her revert back to the way we’d been when she’d first moved in.
I’d managed to convince her to skip going to the coffee shop the day before the surgery. It would be her first day off of many until she felt all right enough to get back on her feet.
She looked heartbroken when I had to gently keep her moving toward the car with my hand on the small of her back as she kept looking back at the coffee shop over her shoulder as if it’d be the last time she’d see it. I felt like I was taking her baby away from her. When she went straight up to her room, I let her be for the time being.
I took off my suit jacket, rolled up my sleeves, and walked straight into the kitchen.
An hour later when it was six PM and the table was ready, I reached for my phone and sent Rose a quick text.
Jack: Can you come downstairs?
Rose: I don’t feel so great, Jack. If it’s not anything important, I’d like to stay in bed.
Other than the simple fact that I didn’t want her to be alone, she also hadn’t had anything to eat the entire day, and no matter what she said, I wouldn’t let her spend the next however many hours hungry. She had three hours before she needed to stop eating.
Jack: I’d really like your help with something if you could just come down.
I knew that would get her moving, because it was probably the first time I’d asked for her help with anything. Just the curiosity alone would get to her.
Sure enough, two minutes later, I heard her door open and close. Then footsteps started down the stairs and she came into the living room. Her hair was up in a simple ponytail with a few strands of her hair framing her pale face. She was wearing a chunky and oversized sand-colored sweater that fell way past her hips, and under that she had on what looked like simple black leggings and some cozy socks. Her sweater’s arms were pulled down, and in one hand she was grasping a tissue, something that had become a constant for her these last few weeks.