Happiness!
That’s what this feeling is.
After the months and months of self-doubt and misery, I’d almost forgotten what it feels like to be happy. No wonder it took me a while to recognise it. Perhaps feeling happy makes you braver and more capable of crossing slippery rocks with confidence!
We reach the other side and start walking over to the harbour cafes.
‘Coffee or something stronger?’ asks Gabe.
‘A salted caramel latte,’ I say firmly. ‘And it’s my treat.’
‘You don’t have to do that.’
I smile up at him. ‘No, I do. I want to thank you for the jump start. So you’re not allowed to refuse.’
He shrugs. ‘Well, thank you.’
‘It’s okay.’
His gaze rests on me. ‘So, Lucy Honey, it’s great to see you smiling. You seemed really down earlier.’
‘I was. It’s amazing what a walk along a sunny beach will do for you.’
Our eyes meet, and his eyes crinkle at the corners in a smile that makes my insides do a funny little somersault. A few hours ago, I was in the depths of despair over my wage packet. But there are people in life who can lift you up – and Gabe Jackson seems to be one of them.
‘So where do your parents live?’ he asks. ‘In north London?’
I nod. ‘I live with my Dad. My mum died a year ago, and I miss her like crazy.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s fine.’ I glance down at my feet. ‘Well, it’s not fine at all. I’ve still got Dad…and I miss him terribly, too. But that’s just the way it has to be at the moment.’
‘Right.’
I look up and he’s studying me with a sad, puzzled look.
I shrug. ‘It’s complicated.’
‘Do you think you might get home to see him soon?’
A lump rises in my throat. ‘I’d like to think so.’ But not with Eleanor in residence.
‘He must miss you,’ Gabe says, a little awkwardly, and I nod, grateful for his kindness. But Dad is so wrapped up in Eleanor, I doubt he even has time to miss me. Just thinking of this makes my mood flip, as if there’s a dead weight inside me.
‘You okay?’ asks Gabe.
His smile cheers me. ‘I will be when I get that salted caramel latte.’
*****
Much later, I lie awake in the camper van, staring into the darkness, thinking about my day.
I can’t believe I actually bumped into Gabe again.
It must be Fate at work. Too many coincidences!
We exchanged phone numbers in the café and he said he’d be in touch about Saturday, but he didn’t say when, which means I’m going to be on edge the whole time until he calls.
If he calls…
Turning over for the millionth time to try and get to sleep, I think to myself that at least thinking about Gabe has stopped me worrying about Dad for a while…
A text pings through and I scramble for my phone.
It’s from Gabe.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I read the message, my heart pounding.
Enjoyed the walk and thanks for the coffee. Still free for dinner on Saturday night?
I grasp the phone to my heart in a daze. Saturday is just three days away.
Calm down, calm down!
I stare at the message. Can I reply now? Or would waiting just thirty seconds before accepting qualify me as completely desperate?
I try out a few cool replies.
Then I think: Hang it. Life’s too short for playing games.
So I type: Yes, walk was lovely. Saturday good for me. Looking forward to it!
Within seconds, he texts back. Great. I’ll book a table for 7.30pm? Meet you at the harbour?
I reply in the affirmative and he zooms a smiley face back at me.
It’s not just the modest smile emoji. It’s the smile showing lots of teeth, which is surely a good sign? Maybe this isn’t just a sympathy dinner because he feels sorry for me and my penniless state?
Maybe this is a proper date?
I shake my head, laughing at myself for actually analysing the emoji he chose. That’s the sort of thing you do when you’re a love-struck adolescent. (As in: He likes the same flavour Wotsits as me, so we’re obviously meant to be together.)
I need to get a grip and stop acting like a teenager. Dreaming up scenarios about how Saturday night will go is only going to lead to disappointment. Better to just look upon the evening out as two new friends getting to know each other a little better.
Just seeing Gabe again under any circumstances will be lovely…
I put my phone down and snuggle under the covers, and within minutes, I’m drifting off to sleep, with happy thoughts of discovering a sensational dress for a pound at the charity shop…
*****
I spend the next few days painting the boats in the harbour and planning how to look nice enough to sit opposite Gabe on Saturday night - on a budget that’s practically non-existent.
Combing the charity shops in the town, I eventually find a summery knee-length dress in a pretty pink and lilac floral pattern, with pink spaghetti straps. It skims my curves in the right places and looks good with my tan and the one pair of summery sandals I threw in my bag when I left. I plan to go for a swim on Saturday afternoon so that I can shower and blow-dry my hair into submission in the sports centre. (Applying make-up in the large mirrors there will be so much easier than crouching at an awkward angle to use the tiny mirror on the hook in the camper van.) Then I’ll walk down to the harbour to meet Gabe.
The weather has changed. It’s cool and cloudy, although for the sake of an uplifting picture, I’m still painting blue skies and sunny horizons. I’m not too bothered about the lack of sunshine. It means I can wear my cap and waterproof camouflage without looking like a total weirdo.
I fall asleep on Friday night, trying not to feel too excited about my dinner with Gabe. It’s a friends thing. That’s all…
*****
A banging on the window next morning wakes me with a start.
‘Lucy? I’ve been knocking. Are you awake? I need to speak to you.’
Relief courses through me. I spring up and go to the door.
Mrs West is standing there in her rollers and dressing gown. ‘The factory job is on for today. Be ready in twenty minutes and I’ll drive you there.’
‘Oh. Right.’
She beetles straight back to the house as I struggle to process this.
‘Mrs West?’
She turns.
‘How many hours do you want me to work today?’
She frowns. ‘Is there a problem? Because I can always give the job to someone else.’
‘No, no, it’s not a problem. It’s just I…have a meeting tonight.’
‘A meeting?’ Her frown deepens and I feel myself blushing.
‘Well…not a meeting exactly. I’m having dinner with a friend.’
She shrugs. ‘Nothing to do with me. Get your work done and your evening is your own.’
I nod uncertainly as she vanishes indoors.
It’s good that I’ll be earning again. But this scuppers my plans for getting ready at the sports centre. If I finish work by six, though, I can rush back and shower here and maybe borrow a hairdryer…
I’m ready and waiting soon after eight when Mrs West emerges twenty minutes later, and she drives me the mile or so out to an industrial estate and what looks to be an old stationery factory. Two slim, dark-haired girls are waiting by the doors when we arrive, and I’m surprised and relieved when Mrs West introduces them as Irina and Elena and says we’ll be working together, as a team.