“Nope.” I shake my head and Summer laughs. She takes him from me and my arms feel a sudden emptiness. I study him in her expert hands. He snags his little fist into her hair and tugs.
“You can’t have that,” she coos at him and he grins up at her.
“How old is he?” I haven’t a clue.
“Four months,” she says, her body swaying. “You were younger than JoJo, right?”
“Yeah, two years younger.”
“He probably didn’t remember too much about you being a baby, then.” She shrugs. “Maybe he did. I wonder sometimes how much Harmony will remember. She regularly tries to smother her baby brother—with love of course—so you’d think she’d remember it, but she’s so young.”
“I don’t remember much.”
Her smile is sad. “That isn’t your fault, Esther. You were young, much too young.”
I feel curious about Summer’s life as we talk about mine—where she grew up and what her family was like—but I don’t ask. That’s way too much conversation for one day.
“We’ve had twice the people in today than we normally do.” Finn is awake and waiting for me at the door when I arrive at the shop. I’m thirty minutes early, but his anxiousness makes it seem as if I’m late.
“Great,” I say—unsure why he tells me. That’s not really a huge feat. We normally have one to two customers an hour. Sometimes, in the evening we’ll go an entire hour without anyone coming in.
“They’ve all come because of your display.” Finn’s navy T-shirt is tight over his broad shoulders. There’s a quote on the front that I don’t recognize, but my eyes continue to shift to the breadth of his shoulders and the flatness of his belly.
“Really?” I force myself to look at his face.
“Really. Dad’s calling the paper today. He’s got a friend there and he’s going to see if they’ll do a story.”
“Whoa. That’s cool.” But I feel sort of edgy inside.
He grins, meeting my eyes. “You should come to Dominic’s tonight.”
“Another fire?”
“Yeah.”
I bite my cheek. “Are you sure you should go?”
“I already have a mother, Esther.”
“Right.” I slide a stack of books off the counter and into my hands—Marley’s newest additions. I head toward the bookcases, but glance at my tree as I go.
“So is that a yes.”
“I don’t know, Finn. I didn’t enjoy myself last time.” But really, I have come to think of Finn as a friend, and the way he behaved at Dominic’s isn’t appealing to me. I’d rather just leave things the way they are.
“Right.” He watches me, his eyes like lasers, but I just search for the N’s on my row and try to ignore it. The bell to the store rings and he slips from the aisle.
I push another book onto its correct shelf and feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I know its Cytha—before I even look, I know. I didn’t call her yesterday or today. I texted a crazy faced emoji to let her know I was busy, but really I am avoiding telling her about my new dream. She’ll have theories and ideas and she’ll tell me it’s going to happen. When it’s not.
It’s just a dream.
I think.
I also haven’t sent her the picture of me, Finn, and the tree yet. I’m not ready to go into the explanation yet.
I barely have a hand on my pocket when I hear a loud gusto voice. “Essie!”
“Harmony?” I whisper.
“Yeah, this way,” I hear Finn say.
Why do I feel caught? I look for where the next book goes, not seeing the names and not remembering the letter I need to search for, when Rodrick’s family appears at the end of my aisle.
“Essie!” Harmony bellows again in that loud voice of hers.
“Har-mon-y,” I grit my teeth through each syllable of her name. “What are you guys doing here?”
The little girl tromps over, wrapping her arms around my legs. Angelo stands next to Summer, who pushes Brayden in a stroller. “We needed to get out,” Summer says. “So, we thought we’d come see your tree.”
I scratch behind my ear, feeling nervous with Finn watching us.
“Hi, I’m Finn,” he introduces himself—maybe because he knows I won’t. “I work with Esther.”
“I’m Summer.” The two shake hands and have just started a bit of small talk when I think I may lose it.
“Aren’t you here to see the tree?” I ask, exiting out the opposite end of the row. Harmony follows close behind me. “I mean you had to have seen it when you came in.” But they just had to come find me anyway.
The others straggle behind, Finn and Summer chatting in this friendly, irritating way.
We reach the front and I bring my hands out, letting them fall and slap at my sides. “Well, here it is.”
Angelo gapes up at the large structure as if he did miss it when they came in and Harmony’s little eyes search. Summer pulls out her phone and takes a picture, then another with Angelo and Harmony in front of it.
“Look here, Harmony,” she says, shaking her phone, but Harmony tips her head, searching behind her.
“Now you’ve seen it.” I shrug—hoping they’ll go.
“Do you have a children’s section?” Summer asks Finn.
They stay another twenty-five minutes, and when they go, Summer has to leave the stroller with Angelo and pick Harmony up to physically remove her from the store. I’m sweating buckets by the time they finally exit the place.
“I thought I’d seen you uncomfortable before.” Finn looks me up and down. “Yeah—I was wrong.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “So, that’s who you live with?”
I’m ready to defend Rodrick’s family. They aren’t that bad.
“They were so… nice. I mean, that lady is sweet.” Sweet sounds so wrong coming from Finn. “And you were writhing like you had ants crawling all over you.”
“This coming from you? You have great parents and you talk about them like crap half the time.”
His face scrunches as if what I’ve said isn’t true. “That’s different. You have no idea what it’s like to be a legal adult who can’t even take a breath without stares and attempts of putting an oximeter on your finger.”
“You’re right, Finn. I have no idea what it’s like to have parents who worry about me.”
“I’m just saying—I don’t get your complaints.”
I ground my teeth and attempt to hold back my snarl. “And I’m just saying—you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”
14
Another text from Cytha.
Where have you been?
I sit outside, eating my lunch on Rodrick’s back porch. The sun blares down on me like a warm, comforting blanket. I stare at my phone and maybe it’s the comfort of the sun, but I finally text her back.
I’m sorry. Big project at work. It’s kept me busy and tired.