“That was an accident, I apologized, and it hasn’t happened since.” I fill another glass with scotch and salute him with it. “Sometimes mistakes are made. I have no intention of laying a hand on her again. If I do, you are free to come back and kick my ass.”
He cocks one eyebrow. “I will.”
I resist the urge to yawn in boredom at his idle threats. “Okay, then.”
Joaquin turns to Ernesto. “Sooo… Papá… do I get to hear more about what the primos have been—”
“No,” Ernesto clips as he pushes off the couch and crosses the room to grip the back of Joaquin’s neck and drag him toward the door. “You get to come with me and spend time with your sister before we leave.”
“I’ll be along to join you all momentarily,” I say as they step out of the room.
“Take your time, mijo.” Ernesto raises his glass in the air with his back to me. “Good work with all this.”
“Thank you.”
Once alone again, I meander to the couch where Ernesto was seated, pick up the folder of intel from Vinnie, and thumb through the photos again, suddenly wondering why I’m even bothering with any of this.
Why do I even care if these cretins sink their claws into her and drag her all the way to her death?
But even I know the answer to my own silent questions.
After all, having Isla with me again and the realization of what her proximity to me has turned me into is slowly chipping away at my armor of hate and righteous vengeance. Again, I’m not a monster. I have my reasons for my treatment of her. Reasons she thrust upon me. She turned me into this. And if I don’t continue to remind myself of that… especially now that we’re actually about to have the child we’d always wanted… the chink in my armor is going to ultimately unravel all of it.
Eleven years might as well be a millennium when it comes to technology, so I’ve replaced my phone a number of times since then. But I kept the one I had when she ended everything. Kept it charged. Kept it safe. Kept it close, because I can’t even lie to myself about the fact that I have been tempted to abandon all of this, and forgive her, and simply put the past in the past.
I hate her… I hate her… I hate her…
But sometimes… even I know I’m just kidding myself.
You don’t love the way I did—do—and just let it go.
When you’ve been betrayed the way I was by the person who possessed your very soul, you have to fight against love for the sake of personal protection.
Fighting ultimately leads to weakness, and to fortify my strength and resolve, I stare at the last messages from her on the old phone.
Carrying the folder with me, I return to the vault that houses the jewelry and the gun, and then open the small lockbox stowed on a low shelf in the corner. I pull out the phone, power it on, and open the message thread.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
MALACHI
Twenty Years Old
MID-TERMS WERE GOING to damn near kill me this semester. I was so fucking over college. The closer I got to graduation and permanently moving back to New York to be near Isla while she was still attending Columbia, the more tedious literally all of it became.
“No te preocupes, amor,” Isla was saying over the phone as I pushed my way out of the lecture hall, holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder, a massive stack of books and notebooks under both arms. In an effort to assist me with my last Spanish classes, she had taken to speaking mostly in her native tongue to me. “Solo recuerde la diferencia entre ‘ustedes’ y ‘vosotros.’ ¿Cómo se dice ‘trabajar’ usando ‘vosotros?’”
“Uh…” I wracked my brain as I continued to speed walk back to my dorm. “Trabajáis…?”
She chortled over the phone, and my chest filled with warmth despite all the stress and anxiety of the looming mid-term exams. “¡Que encantador! Tu acento es maravilloso, cariño.” Her laughter dissipated as she sighed. “You’ll do fine. You speak and understand Spanish well.” She giggled teasingly. “After all, I’ve been training you a long time, haven’t I?”
I chuckled. “You have.” I shifted all of the books to press the button on a crosswalk. “I really appreciate it.”
Isla giggled again and then put on a faux serious tone. “En español, por favor.”
I smiled. “Gracias por todo, mi cielita. Te amo.”
“Mmmmm…” She sighed. “I love you, and I miss you.”
“I miss you, too.” After jogging across the street, I shifted the books again to pull open the door to my building. “Are you going to do anything fun tonight, or are you going to hit the books?”
“Actually, my friend, Elise asked me to go with her to a birthday party for one of the girls in her sorority.” There was a sound of her shuffling paper in the background. “It’s at an actual sorority house. I’ve never been to one before. I thought it might be fun, but I also thought I could try to be Elise’s wing-woman if she needs it.”
I laughed as I slipped in the elevator and waited. “Wing-woman, huh?”
“Yeah.” She snickered and then lowered her voice. “There’s this boy in her biology class that she kind of has a thing for, but he’s very shy. She heard he was going to be there, and I was going to help her get him to talk to her.”
“Matchmaker, matchmaker,” I sing-songed as I stepped out of the elevator.
“Well?” Isla tsk-ed. “Don’t you think everyone deserves a chance at the amor magnífico that we have? What if he’s her soulmate? I need to help her.”
“Well, nobody has a chance at replicating this amor magnífico, but they can certainly attempt to find something almost as good.”
She laughed loudly. “That is true, and that’s why I’m going to be her wing-woman.”
I closed and locked the door to my room and dropped all the books on the bed before lying down. “Okay, then, wing-woman.” I grinned at the ceiling. “I hope you have a good time, and I hope Elise’s shy guy comes around.”
“Thank you, cariño.” She paused and sighed happily. “I love you so much, and I miss you.”
“I love you, and I miss you, too.” I glanced at the wall calendar. “Only about a month left.”
“Ugghhh…” she whined. “It kills me!”
“I know, baby girl. Me too. Won’t be much longer.”
She sighed again. “I know. Don’t study too hard. You’ll be fine.” She paused mischievously. “And before I go to bed, I’ll send you something special to wake up to.”
“Mmmm…” I hummed, my dick stiffening at the thought of all those very special pictures she sent nearly every single night. “I look forward to it.”
Isla giggled. “And then tomorrow, we can have a little video call to celebrate how amazing you’ll do on your exams.”
“Ugghhh…” I rubbed my aching junk. “Yeah, let’s definitely do that.”
She giggled again. “We will. I love you. I’ll call you tomorrow.”