She is the opportunity I don't want to miss.
Not anymore.
Chapter Sixteen
Angie
"Are you ready?" Ricardo asks, and I flinch in fright. I wasn't expecting him to come out of the bathroom that quickly.
The pill bottle slips out of my hands and rolls on the floor, right where Ricardo is standing.
"What's this?" Ricardo asks when he looks down.
"It's nothing!" I exclaim and reach to take it, but he grabs it first.
"Birth control?" he asks in surprise, narrowing his eyes as he reads the inscription.
"I said it's nothing!" I raise my voice, snatching the container from his hands and placing it back in my bag.
I try to take the pills when he doesn't see it. It's just today I was stuck answering work messages and forgot to take them at my usual time.
I don't know why I'm hiding them from him. It's not like I can't take them.
No, I'm lying. I didn't want to tell him about the pills because then he'd find out the truth about me leaving London that day.
"Since when do you take these pills?" His voice is sharp and he comes closer.
"Don't you know it's rude to look at someone else's personal stuff?" I raise my voice, trying to defend myself.
"I wasn't searching for them in your stuff, they just fell on the floor, and you know that!" he barks back.
Why didn't I transfer the pills into another bottle with no description on it so he wouldn’t ask questions even if he'd noticed them? And why the hell is he acting like he's jealous or something?
"I’ve been taking them since I came back to Tuscany," I say, more calmly. "I went to my gynecologist and asked her to give me something."
"So that's why you ran away from London like your ass was on fire?" His voice is low but still terrifying. "Because you were so afraid to get pregnant that you couldn't wait a couple more days?"
I say nothing, lowering my gaze.
He's right: I was terrified at the thought of getting pregnant, but it's only half true.
"Talk to me, Angelica!" He comes closer and takes my chin, moving my face until our eyes meet.
Just a minute ago, everything was fine. We were supposed to have a date. A real one: no wine tasting, no talking about work, only me and him, together. He told me he arranged a surprise, but when I tell him the truth, he'll probably cancel everything right away.
"I thought I was pregnant." My voice is trembling as I finally confess, and I bite my lower lip to stop myself from crying. Not that it makes a difference because my eyes instantly get wet anyway.
For a couple of seconds, he simply looks at me, still holding my chin between his fingers. I feel my legs shaking, and I'll probably have to take a seat, but it’s like I’m frozen in place, waiting for what he'll say.
I didn't want him to know that my period was a week late, which I realized only after talking to Amanda.
The idea that I might already be pregnant freaked me out so much that I couldn't stay in London any longer. I got my period on the airplane that same day, but still, the first thing I did after coming back to Tuscany was call the doctor and make an appointment as soon as possible. The doctor told me my body was under stress because of the flight, and that's the reason I was late. She gave me birth control pills, and since that day I’ve been taking them every morning.
"You thought you were pregnant and you didn't tell me?" He raises his voice again, rough and demanding, piercing me from the inside out.
I nod silently because I just don't know what to say. I breathe heavily as I look at him: standing still, looking at me without even blinking, but it’s like he could explode any second.
After a long pause, he finally breaks the silence. "I knew there was something else when I saw you the day you left."
He's not yelling anymore. It seems like his anger has transformed into sadness.
I lower my eyes to avoid his gaze.
"Why, Angie?"
I clear my throat and whisper, barely breathing, "I was afraid you weren’t ready to hear that yet."
"Me or you?"
Yes, maybe it wasn't him. It was me who wasn't ready for that yet. It was me who ran away to find out as soon as possible. I'm the one who's not ready.
"I don't know," I lie.
"Don't lie to me," he says right away and cups my face in his hands to make me look at him again.
I don't want to see his eyes. He's disappointed with me, and I can't stand it. I want to bury my face in his chest, to melt into a hug, to hide.
But he won't let me. He holds me so I can't do it. Can't lie anymore.
"Maybe," I confess.
Please, just kiss me, make me feel better…
He lets me go and pulls away, leaving me standing there alone while he starts walking back and forth from corner to corner.
"Why is it so terrifying to have a baby with me, Angelica?" He says my name as harshly as a judge pronouncing a condemnation. "What's so scary about finding out that you might be pregnant from a man who loves you?"
"I didn't know how you felt about me then…" I justify myself, although I know it's a weak excuse.
"Didn't you see it?!" he barks right away, stops pacing, and spreads his arms. "What if you really were pregnant? How could you not tell me? Did you think I'd be the worst father on the planet?!"
No, of course not, I think but don't say. Ricardo is kind, generous, and just amazing. He would be a wonderful father. I’m the one who was afraid to find out the truth.
"I didn't want to tell you before I knew myself," I say so quietly that I'm sure he barely even hears me.
"Bullshit!" he yells, putting his hands on his hips and turning away from me, looking out the window now.
We’re silent for only about a minute or so, but it seems like an eternity to me. I don’t move and barely breathe while he stands right in front of me, just staring out the window.
All I hear is his hard breathing. He's furious.
Does he still love me?
If this happened a month ago, I would have just left. I'd run away and hide from my problems until everything resolved itself. I’ve done this all my life, in every relationship. Usually that would result in a breakup.
But not this time. I can't run any longer. Not from this man.
"I admit I should've told you," I whisper, breaking the silence and stepping closer. Ricardo doesn't turn to me, still standing with his face to the window.
I force myself to come closer. I'm a little afraid that it's not what he wants right now, but I do it anyway.
I open my arms and wrap my hands around his waist, squeezing him tightly and burying my face in his navy shirt.
He doesn't stop me, letting me hug him from behind.
"I was afraid because I’ve never gotten this far before," I say quietly, speaking to his back. "I was scared to death. I didn't know how I felt about it. I didn't know it then. But now I do."
I take a deep breath.
It's the right thing to do, Angie, just tell him the truth.
I tell myself, but my mouth gets so dry that I'm no longer able to speak.