“And maybe you would have ended up with Jean-Luc.” Apparently, Dani was also a dreamer.
“Maybe. But right now, thinking about the young man who wrote this letter, I feel awful for what I did to him.”
“Hey, he did okay,” said Jaelee. “He’s successful, well-travelled. He even got married, you said.” I winced at the thought of the beautiful Vanessa, but Jae’s point rang true. It wasn’t like I’d ruined Jean-Luc for love.
The only person I’d ruined for love was me.
“Okay, so now what?” asked Dani. It was a good question, but I didn’t know what was next. I’d already apologised to him, but a thought niggled at me, like a canker sore inside my head.
“I … what if I had dumped Scott? What if Jean-Luc and I had ended up together?” Hearing myself say it made me feel sick. Had I really wasted fifteen years of my life?
“Is that helpful?” asked Jaelee pointedly. I saw Lou shoot her a look, but I probably needed a dose of Jaelee’s pragmatism.
I shook my head. “You know what? You’re right, Jae, it’s not helpful. I spent five years with Scott and it wasn’t all bad. And whatever it was—good or bad—it led me to my life in London, which I love.” Was I trying to convince my friends or myself? “So, let’s enjoy the rest of the gondola ride and finish those bubbles.”
“But are you going to see him again?” Clearly, Dani was unwilling to let the “Jean-Luc and Cat” sub-plot go.
“I don’t know. I guess it’s up to him. I mean, I definitely want to stay friends and we’re connected on Facebook now.” She made a face. It said, “That’s not what I was talking about.” I ignored it. “And, he’s ridiculously hot, so if there’s a chance of sleeping with him, I’ll jump at it.” I was making light, but none of my friends even cracked a smile.
“But he told you about being in love with you. If he didn’t wonder about you two having a future, he wouldn’t have said anything about love.”
“That’s a good point, Dani,” said Lou. Great, they were ganging up on me.
I looked to Jaelee for support, but it wasn’t forthcoming. “Dani’s right. It all comes back to that. I think you need to be open to whatever happens.”
“You mean sleeping with him?” That’s what she meant, right?
She shrugged. “Sure, maybe, but probably more than that. I mean it, be open to whatever happens.” I could tell she was losing patience with me, but the thought sat heavily in my mind. If seeing him meant risking him falling for me—again—maybe I shouldn’t see him. I didn’t want to hurt him—again.
At least we’re Facebook friends.
It was my last thought before I put an end to the Jean-Luc conversation by asking Dani about her and Jason.
She waved her hand, “Oh, it’s just a bit of fun—kissing and stuff. We’re not sleeping together. I mean, where would we even do that?” It was a good question. I hadn’t even thought about it. I guessed if they wanted to, there could be some Tetris-like rooming changes, but it would be a little obvious on a coach tour.
“So, you don’t think you’ll see him again after the trip?” Lou asked Dani. I breathed a slow sigh of relief that the conversation was no longer about me and Jean-Luc. As much as I needed their counsel after I’d read the letter, my friends had given me more than enough to chew over for the time being.
“Nah,” said Dani, laughing. “I mean, he lives in New Zealand! It’s, like, literally on the other side of the planet.”
Whereas Jean-Luc and I lived a three-hour train ride from each other.
Our gondolier with the golden voice held out his hand to steady us as we stepped off the gondola, one by one. I was the last off and as my feet hit terra firma, he said in perfect English, “I hope you enjoyed the journey. Have a lovely evening.”
Lou and I looked at each other, horrified. He spoke English!
I could only hope he hadn’t heard Jaelee whining about not having a hot one. I dug into my bag and pulled out a twenty-euro note and showed it to Lou who nodded. When I gave him the tip, he smiled warmly, “Thank you. Grazie.” I smiled back. If he had heard Jaelee, the tip was as much an apology as thanks for a lovely ride.
“And thank you for the singing,” said Lou. “It was beautiful.” He bowed his head.
“That was a big tip,” said Jaelee as we walked away. Lou grabbed my hand, which I read as, “Say nothing, she knows not what she does.” I kept quiet, which was very hard for me. Our gondolier had been lovely and Jae had been so rude, simply because of his looks. I can’t abide that kind of rudeness.
Gondola ride
We spent the rest of our time in Venice wandering and Jae was right, it was sublime. I asked the girls about stopping at a mask shop, so I could buy one of those elaborate Venetian masks made of papier-mâché. I ended up buying two. I couldn’t help myself—they were just so beautiful, and I knew Sarah would love the one I chose for her. Although I’d be carting the damned things around for another week and, enveloped in bubble wrap, they were nearly twice their actual size. I thought about asking Jaelee to stuff them into her Tardis luggage.
We made it to the pick-up point with twelve minutes to spare, even beating Georgina. I was relieved, because being in her firing line was becoming exhausting.
Ah, Venice, I thought again as we left the floating city in our wake. Six hours was not long enough; I would have to go back. I longed to wander her streets and canals, to get lost in her for days on end, a certain Frenchman by my side.
A man who had loved me once.
Venice
***
We arrived at the campsite around 9:00pm and, taking advantage of an early night, disappeared to our respective caravans. Apparently, there was a bar at the campsite, but our escapades the previous night had left me craving an early bedtime.
Lou and I said goodnight to Jaelee and Dani—hugs all around—and after a quick trip to the ablution block, were in our wee-ridden cabin and ensconced in our sleeping bags by 9:30pm.
“That was an incredible day,” said Lou.
I turned my head so I could see her in the dim light seeping in through the skylight. “I am so glad, Lou. Those plans you had with Jackson … well, it must have been hard for you.”
“I’ve been doing so well up ’til now.”
“You have. You’re amazing.”
“But then the whole thing with the gondola … it just brought it all back, you know, the hundreds of times I’d tried to work it into conversations—every time we talked about how to spend one of his work bonuses, or where we wanted to go for our vacation. All those times I hoped—that he would get better, that we’d actually go somewhere.” I could hear the anger in her voice, then she was quiet for a moment.
“All the times I hoped I hadn’t married the wrong person.” The fight had left her voice, resignation in its place. I wanted to comfort her, but I didn’t know what to say. Lou would know, if our situations were reversed.
“You girls, you were awesome today,” she added, giving us far more credit than we deserved. “I loved Venice.”
“Even the Jaelee-and-the-gondolier incident?”