“Uhhh … I’m sorry?” I say, unsure. “Your hair must have tickled my nose.” What a sad attempt at an apology that was, even to my ears.
A light vibration shakes the bed. I peek over my shoulder to see Lana laughing silently and feel the corners of my lips lift as the sight. She is so damn beautiful.
As I watch, her silent laughter turns into full-on belly laughter and she goes from looking like an angel to looking like a screaming hyena—a cute one, though—as she clutches her stomach. Tears stream down her face.
Her adorable laughter aside, why the fuck is she laughing? How did her mood change so quickly? Is she on her period? I can’t very well stare at her groin with x-ray vision to see if her uterus is weeping. My face shifts into what I’m sure looks like a perfect expression of constipation as I try to figure her out.
Fuck me. Women are so confusing.
Then it fucking hits me. Stupid! This is my opportunity to escape! I’ve done my part. The guys can do the rest. I’m sure she already has enough questions to cover every inch of the four walls of her bedroom.
No fucking way am I dealing with that shit alone. Or at all.
It’s my turn to throw them to the wolf— or hyena— now.
Avoiding eye contact with the deranged predator, I throw the comforter off my legs and make a beeline for the door. Just as my feet skim the threshold and sweet, sweet victory stares at me in the face, her laughter halts altogether.
“Where are you going, Ashy?” she says in a sickeningly sweet voice that’s doing bad things for my hard-on.
Not today, Satan. I’m not falling for that.
I can practically hear the wheels in her head turning, stowing a plan to screw me over with, under her sleeve. I know Lana and her payback for sneezing on her? Not something I want to be here for.
Without turning around—isn’t there a rule to not turn your back on your enemy? Desperate times—I slowly inch my way to the door. “Gotta take a piss. See you downstairs for breakfast!”
I hightail it to my room and shut the door behind me, slamming my back against the wooden door in relief. I sink down the hard surface until my ass hits the ground. My heart hasn’t stopped racing. I let my head hang down and take in a deep breath when the guest of honor waves at me from beneath my shorts, begging for attention.
Well, hello there, dick. No, I haven’t forgotten that you want some attention from her. Don’t worry, we’ll get through this together, buddy. I resist the urge to pat my dick in a comforting motion.
Fuck me, I’m as deranged as she is.
I put my hand underneath the waistband of my shorts and fist myself tightly. Using my precum as lubricant and my dreams about Lana naked in my bed as inspiration, I rub once and groan. God, what I want to do to her body. I want to hear her moan my name as I—
“Boys! Lana! Breakfast is on the counter. I’ve got to get to work now. I’ll see you tonight!” Beth’s loud declaration fills the house and I almost bang my head against the wall. She may as well have thrown an ice bucket over my head and boner.
It’s just wrong to hear the voice of the woman you consider your mom and then continue to try and rub one off after that.
Sighing dejectedly, I remove my hand from my dick and pick myself off the floor. I grab the first shirt and pair of shorts that touch my hand and don’t reek, and head to the bathroom. Throwing my clothes on the counter and turning the shower on, I strip my shorts and boxers off before I step into the shower—
And am instantly assaulted by what must be water directly from the fucking Arctic ocean.
“Ahhh! Fuck a duck! What the fuck!” I yell as I hop out of the shower before my balls shrivel up to the size of raisins. Grabbing a towel, I wrap it around the family jewels to give the poor guys some warmth.
I sounded like a girl, whining.
Giggling sounds from the outside of the door and I groan.
Lana.
Sly, vindictive woman.
I’m never going to hear the end of this.
Hoping a little bit of groveling can procure some hot water, I swallow my pride and simultaneously place my balls in her purse. “Lana … I’m sorry for sneezing my bodily fluids onto your gorgeous face.”
Wait … fuck. Don’t do it, Ash. Don’t do it. Do not think of your other body fluids on Lana’s face.
My dick hardens right back up. Here we go again.
Well, that was a waste of an unexpected cold shower.
“That was a shit apology, Ash, However, I’m feeling generous. Therefore, you may have your hot water back. You’re welcome,” she says, all high and mighty. “You owe me! Don’t forget it.”
Oh, thank God. I’d give the woman anything she wants at this point, if it meant getting the hot water back.
Note to self: do not sneeze on Lana again, even if it’s an accident. Lesson learned.
Steam begins to rise in the room. I sigh and step into the shower, enjoying the scalding heat against my skin.
I look back down at my poor, tortured friend. Let’s try this again.
Fisting my dick, I pump with slow motions, groaning, thinking about finishing on that beautiful face.
I am not about to walk around with blue balls all morning.
Zedd
Lana skips into the kitchen, a great, big, Cheshire cat grin on her face, basking in the glory of a successful prank and Ash’s panicked yell. A matching smile stretches my lips.
Early in the morning, she came into my room, still in those tantalizing sleep shorts and white camisole that left little to the imagination. She bounced on my bed like an excited puppy, rubbing her hands like a villain as she told me her plan. Personally, I thought we could have done without the demonic laughter at the end but Lana’s nothing, if not dramatic.
Since she’s never turned off the water heater before, and doesn’t even know where it is, she very nicely requested that I do her ‘dirty’ work for her. And why wouldn’t I? So I marched down to the basement, eager to obey, my mind on all the other kinds of dirty work I could do for her.
What can I say? I live to serve.
In the face of the joy radiating from her, my heart swells. I bet Ash wouldn’t be so pissy if he saw the look on her face right now.
She’s changed into faded jean shorts and a white t-shirt, prioritizing comfort over style. Her copper hair cascades down her back in soft waves, framing her delicate features. Without even trying, she would put Aphrodite to shame. Her beauty constantly leaves me speechless. Over sixteen years later and I’m still fumbling like an awkward preteen in the presence of a supermodel.
She throws me a cheeky smile and a conspiratorial wink over her shoulder, making me blush. But she’s too busy sipping her coffee and sighing in pleasure to notice. What I wouldn’t give to be the one to make her sigh that way…
Not that I would know the first thing about how to make that happen.
After the conversation last night with the guys, I’ve been thinking about what my relationship with Lana will look like. Out of all the guys, I’m the only one who didn’t try to date while we were growing up. I’d always known that she was it for me so I’d waited, hopeful.
The downside is that I have no experience with women because of it. My lack of experience in the ‘bedroom’ department has me feeling both insecure and a hint of pride that I held out for my girl. Well, you win some, you lose some.