He’s been taking this really hard, as he should. But it’s just one more reason why I can’t let this break me. Not yet. Because right now I’m the only one holding us all together.
A few days ago, I assumed I’d be spending today with Fallon in New York. I never imagined I’d be spending it at a funeral home, picking out a casket for the one person in this world who knew me better than anyone.
• • •
“What do you plan to do with the house?” my uncle asks. He pulls a beer from the refrigerator. As soon as he closes the door, he opens it again and takes out a casserole dish. He lifts the corner of it and sniffs it, then shrugs and grabs a fork from a nearby drawer.
“What do you mean?” I ask, just as he shoves a spoonful of chilled noodles in his mouth.
He waves the fork around the room. “The house,” he says with a mouthful. He swallows and stabs at the casserole again. “I’m sure Jordyn will move back to Nevada with her mother. Are you just gonna stay here by yourself?”
I hadn’t thought about it, but he’s right. It’s a big house, and I doubt I’ll want to stay here by myself. But the thought of selling it fills me with dread. I’ve lived in this house since I was fourteen. And I know my mother is gone, but she would never want us to sell this house. She even said so herself.
“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.”
He pops the lid on his beer. “Well if you plan to sell it, make sure you let me list it. I can get you a great price.”
My aunt speaks up from behind me. “Seriously, Anthony? Don’t you think it’s a little too soon?” She looks at me. “I’m sorry, Ben. Your uncle is an asshole.”
Now that she brought it up, I guess it is in poor taste to be discussing this with me just ten minutes after they show up.
I’ve lost count of who all is at my house right now. It’s almost seven in the evening and at least five cousins have stopped by. Two sets of aunts and uncles have brought us casserole dishes and Ian and Miles are on the porch out back. Tate is still running around the house cleaning, despite Miles’s desperate pleas for her to rest. And Jordyn . . . well. She still hasn’t left her bedroom.
“Ben, come here!” Ian yells from outside. I gladly escape the conversation with my uncle and open the screen door. Ian and Miles are both sitting on the porch steps, staring out over the backyard.
“What?”
Ian turns around. “Did you contact his old job and let them know? I didn’t even think about it.”
I nod. “Yeah, I called them yesterday.”
“What about that friend of his with the red hair?”
“The one who was in the wedding?”
“Yeah.”
“He knows. Everyone knows, Ian. It’s called Facebook.”
He nods and then turns back around again. He’s hardly ever here because of his schedule, so I guess showing up and not knowing what he can do to help makes him feel useless. He’s not, though. The simple fact that he’s allowing me to stay preoccupied with all the busy work is actually helping a little bit. Especially after not being able to see Fallon today like I was supposed to.
I close the back door and bump into Tate.
“Sorry,” she says, sidestepping around me. “I think I’ve convinced Jordyn to finally eat something.” She rushes to the refrigerator and shoots my uncle a dirty look as she watches him dig through each of the casserole dishes.
“Stop snacking and let’s go,” my aunt says to him. “We have that dinner with Claudia and Bill.”
They hug me goodbye and say they’ll see me at the funeral. When my aunt isn’t looking, Uncle Anthony slips me his Realtor card. When I shut the front door behind them, I lean against it and exhale.
I think having to interact with all the visitors is the worst part of this whole family-member-death thing. I don’t remember visitors being this frequent when my mother died several years ago, but then again, Kyle was alive to play the part I’m playing right now. I sulked in my bedroom like Jordyn is doing right now, hiding away from all the people. The thought of Kyle taking care of things back then when he was so young fills me with guilt. He had to have been hurting over her death just as much as I was, but I needed him to hold things together since I did nothing but fall apart.
I slide my hands down my face, wanting it all to be over with. I want the day to end so we can get tomorrow over with and then the funeral will come and go. I just want things to settle down. But then again, I’m scared of how I’ll feel when the dust finally does have a chance to settle.
I kick off the door and head toward the kitchen when the doorbell rings. Again. I groan, just as Tate passes me with a plate of food. “I would get it, but . . .” She looks down at the plate and drink in her hands.
“If you can just get her to eat something, I’ll entertain the ten million visitors.”
Tate nods a sympathetic agreement, heading back toward Jordyn’s room.
I swing open the door.
I blink twice to ensure I’m really seeing her.
Fallon glances up at me and I don’t say anything right away. I’m scared if I speak, the aberration will disappear.
“I would have called first,” she says, looking nervous. “I didn’t know your number. But I just . . .” She blows out a quick breath. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I open my mouth to speak, but she holds up a hand to stop me. “I just lied to you, I’m sorry. I’m not here to see if you’re okay. I know you’re not okay. I just couldn’t function after you hung up. The thought of not seeing you today and having to wait another year completely gutted me and . . .”
I step forward and shut her up with my mouth.
She sighs against my lips and wraps her arms around me, clasping her hands together behind my back. I kiss her hard, unable to believe that she’s actually standing here. That she went straight to the airport after hanging up with me today and spent money on a ticket to fly all the way to Los Angeles just to see me.
I continue to kiss her as I pull her into the house with me. My arm is around her waist, securing her against me, afraid that if I let her go she’ll vanish into thin air.
“I need . . .”
She tries to speak, but my mouth pressed to hers is preventing her from it. She opens the front door and tries to pull away from me. I release her just enough so that she can say what she’s trying to say. “I have to tell the driver he can go. I wasn’t sure you’d want me here.”
I step around her and swing the door open wider. I wave the driver off and then close the door and grab her hand.
I pull her up the stairs, toward my room.
Away from everyone in the world I don’t want to see or speak to right now.
She’s the only one I wanted with me today, and here she is. Just for me. Because she missed me.
If she’s not careful, I might just fall in love with her.
Tonight.
Fallon
He closes his bedroom door behind us and pulls me in for a long hug.
I’ve second-guessed my decision to show up today since the minute I bought my ticket. I almost turned around a hundred different times. I didn’t think he’d want to see me with everything going on in his life right now. I thought maybe he would be angry that he told me he’d see me next year, but I showed up unannounced anyway.