Day in and day out, I find myself growing so tired. Between the taunting laughter and heinous bullying, I can barely stomach the thought of even sitting in on a lecture. Being super glued to my seat, while everyone is laughing at me, isn’t something I want to repeat. It was embarrassing and had my cheeks redder than a ripe tomato.
The bullying has gotten so terrible and malicious, that I’m doing what I promised I’d never do. I’m considering a transfer after this semester is up, if I can find a college that’ll take me.
Looky there, I guess Hunter does get what he wants after all.
Not because I want to, but because I have to. While I could have swung Maverick’s sudden arrival, if we were found out, I can’t risk my child at the hands of these monsters. My fists and temper will only get me so far.
Maverick’s success depends on me. Instead of allowing my wants and needs to cloud my judgment, as my dad told me after hearing of the incident from Jenna—the little tattletale—I need to think about Maverick’s welfare. His needs. And, like a good mom, for the first time since starting GOU, I am.
Even if it takes me months, I will find what I’m looking for. It’s simply hard because GOU was at the bottom of my list when it came to colleges, anyway. Not many universities will take financial aid for on-campus daycare.
My dad already told me that he has Maverick for as long as I need him to, but I can’t rely on my dad forever. It’s nice, don’t get me wrong. To have such support where it is needed. But it’s not who I am, and I absolutely refuse to become that statistic.
So far, Cassandra has stayed away, but I’m not ignorant. I know that won’t last forever. It’s mostly been her cronies and her eccentric followers who are taunting me.
Still, enough is enough. I’m not going to get bullied because of a guy I have no interest in. We had a moment, so what? We have a past, too. Unfortunately, I can’t get rid of that. Not that I’d even want to. Maverick wouldn’t be here if I did, and he’s my life.
This is really no kind of situation I want to bring Maverick into. Justifiably, when January arrives and a new semester begins, I won’t have much of a choice if I don’t get a move on my search. But fuck, I had to beg and plead GOU to allow me in with a toddler, so I can only imagine how the other college—the ones that haven’t already turned me down flat out—will react.
“Lo,” Jenna says as she comes up behind me. Without a doubt, she notices what’s on my laptop. As predicted, she releases a drawn-out sigh. “You can’t let them win, girl.”
“Easy for you to say, you’re fucking one of them,” I utter harshly, and then close my eyes and release a huff of air right along with my bitchiness. “Sorry. I’m tired of being tied into knots, and I can’t keep doing this.” The lie rolls swiftly off my tongue.
“Maybe I can ta—” She starts, but with a cutting glare from me, doesn’t finish.
“You are not stirring the pot.” Jenna quickly moves back when I start gathering my things. “That’s all I need is for you to go to Hunter and tell him to keep his pursuivants from bullying me. We’re not in high school anymore, Jen.”
“Girl, I’m telling you, Hunt has no idea this is even going on.”
Like I believe that one. I may not be the smartest thing out there, but I was most definitely not born last night. Of course, Hunter has something to do with the bullying and taunting. He never wanted me here in the first place, and Cassandra’s followers are his followers.
Ever since this year started and we moved in together, she and I have grown closer. It actually feels like I have a sister again like it did back then. But the fact of the matter is, nothing she says will make this go away. The only thing that will make it stop is if I pack up and go.
Fuck, she still doesn’t even know I have a son, for crying out loud. A son who will be moving in here if I don’t transfer. She may love me, but she won’t love having a kid around that cramps her style. Jenna is a sexual being. She has a different person warming her bed every other night. More times than not, it’s Easton—and I still don’t know what’s going on there. Not that I even want to. And that just proves the point that GOU just possibly isn’t a good fit.
“I wish I were one of those people who could learn online. It’d be so much easier,” I mumble in annoyance.
“Ditto,” she inserts. “But seriously, I’d never lie to you. Hunt has no idea, and I’m sure if he did, he’d put a stop to it.”
My jaw threatens to unhinge. “Who do you think started all this? It certainly wasn’t the preacher down on Raleigh street.”
Tossing my bag over my shoulder, I slam my laptop closed and grab it and a few other university brochures to skim through during class.
Now that I’ve decided to look for a different option, I need to move as hurriedly as possible. Deadlines on mid-year college transfers require a lot of paper and weeks of sitting in limbo—at least when you use financial aid.
As I go to pass Jenna, her tiny, soft hand catches my arm and pulls me to a stop. The moment my eyes meet hers, I can tell that a Jen-Jen moment is about to come, and I need to get out of here. Tears are blurring in her eyes, nearly falling off her long bottom lashes.
“I can’t lose you again, Lo,” she sniffles, shaking her head back and forth. “I just can’t.”
Fuck. My. Life.
The air steadily releases from my lungs. This would be the moment I’d assure her she won’t, no matter what happens, but I can’t lie to her like that. Last time I moved away, we were only a few hours apart, and the friendship fell apart within a few months. We may be older, but history has a penchant for repeating itself.
So, no. I’m not going to give her false hope. Giving her false hope will give me false hope. And false hope, even though I already know the outcome, will still hurt when I have to leave.
Giving her a small smile, I lightly pat her hand. I know that won’t go a long way to making her feel any better than right now, but it’s all I have. All I can give.
Making my way out of the apartment, I head across campus. Where usually I’d look through the trees and revel in the somewhat cooler autumn breeze wisping around my body, I find that I no longer care if it’s warm or bright with sunshine. My world is a constant state of gray, and I don’t even know how to go about getting my spark back.
Heading into Meece Building, I keep my eyes on the floor and run through what I need to do. First, I’ll need to stop by the financial aid office to see if I can ever transfer. Sometimes, colleges are fickle as fuck when it pertains to leaving. So, I need to make sure they can accommodate me. Hopefully, they can.
Second, I need to tell my dad and Duncan my plan. I’ll probably do that tonight. Duncan will be upset, no doubt, but hopefully, he will help me out a little bit. If GOU made me wait four months and it’s as small of a town as this, then I’d hate to see what hoops a larger university will make me jump through.
Lastly, I’ll need to break the news to Maverick. He’s been so excited to come back to my hometown. Even though he’s two, he’s smart as a tack. He wants me to take him to every place I went to when I was little. Breaking his heart is going to rip mine to shreds. Lord, I can hardly bear the thought.