You’re not a good man.
My words to him came rocketing back. Whatever this was between us, it was intense and clumsy and brutal, all at the same time. It felt like the kind of relationship two powerful children might strike up. When I pulled back, his arms locked, not wanting to let me go far, and his face…
Fuck, it hurt to look at him. His eyes weren’t golden. They were fire, like looking straight into the sun. There was too fucking much for me to get my head around in them, waiting, being walled up and held back, and all to protect me. I watched his mouth thin, his jaw work as he stared into my eyes. His hand went to my cheek, his brows knitting as he stroked the top of my cheekbone.
“Johnno, mate, we’ve gotta go,” Liam said, his tone the softest I’d ever heard it.
“You’ll be here tonight?” Johnno forced out, his voice a ragged mess.
“Of course. No matter what, I’m going to be here,” I said, my voice betraying my ambivalence. It was a fucking privilege and a life sentence all at once, and what else could it be?
“This wasn’t the way I wanted to do this. I’m sorry, Kira, seriously.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I said, putting my hand over his. “We’re feeling our way through this, me included. Just give me time to catch up and find my feet.”
He nodded and then took a step back, my skin missing the warmth of him when he did. “Look after her,” he said to Marlow. “Don’t let anyone in here. I’m sending the sentinels over to guard the bus.”
“Of course,” Marlow said. “I’ve left the talking points for you guys in the green room. Break a leg.”
15
I threw myself down on the bed once the door closed, letting my body go limp. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see or interact with anything for just a bit, the subsequent grey darkness a relief frankly. But I couldn’t help but turn blindly when I felt the mattress shift as Marlow climbed on beside me.
“Tough day?”
I paused for a moment, formulating a million replies, and then opting for the polite one.
“Not tough, just…intense. I spent days, months, years without people paying attention to me. They saw my condition, scanned my body for signs I was going to have another turn, but never saw me. They didn’t need to. I was easy to ignore and of no great consequence, just all part of the general morass of grey people floating around in the background of existence.”
When I opened my eyes, he was lying beside me, facing me but a respectful distance apart, head propped up on his hand, just watching.
“I saw you,” he said finally.
“What?”
“I saw you at the estate a few times. Jennifer asked us to keep clear of you until…until you voiced an interest in getting to know the fae community, but I had to drop into the estate a few times for the Rutherglen. Saw you guys hanging by the pool or day drinking on the patio.”
“Oh god.” My hand went to my stomach. “You saw my old body in a bathing suit?”
His hand covered mine. “I did. Where do you think I got the idea for the dress from? I saw this lush body and…”
“You did not!”
“I did!” He grinned when he saw my horrified expression. “I’m sorry people looked past you before, Kira. I don’t know why. I couldn’t. I can understand that what’s happening is a lot to take in. There’s obviously something…big going on with you and The Changelings that’s landed on you today, but you’ve gotta see what I see. You’re coping so well. You’re insanely resilient. Court, power, fae politics, the kings of Hartley, you’ve faced it all and not missed a beat. So if you are now, and you need a bit of time to adjust, that’s OK.”
I just stared at him, wondering how he could see what he saw in me, but then he placed his hand in mine and all was right with the world. We were capricious things, faeries, our moods moving faster than my still partly human brain could follow. But I will catch up, I thought as I moved to kiss Marlow.
“How about a little pampering?” he said when we finally pulled away from each other. He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “Your nails are a mess, and even beautiful fae locks need protein treatments.”
I paused for a moment as he inspected my hands, talking about cuticles and the fact that I chew them with chiding words, but for the first time, I started to see beyond what he was saying to what he meant.
Let me care for you. Let me take care of you. Let me soothe you and stroke you. Let me show my love for you.
My eyes burned as I just stared at him, watching him stroke my skin, talk about all the things he wanted to do to me, to demonstrate to me that he loved me. I didn’t know Marlow, hadn’t seen what he was like in the morning, what he was like when he got angry. I didn’t know his parents, how he’d landed in Australia, with the Rutherglen. He was a heartbreakingly beautiful mystery. But he yanked at my heart, twisting it in my chest, making me desperate for more of the sweetest of pains.
But that didn’t change what this was. He’d mentioned the L word on our first morning together when he’d… My thighs tightened as my clit throbbed, remembering how his hard length had felt going down my throat. His eyes jerked up when he caught scent of my bloom.
“Yes,” I said, not knowing what I’d agreed to and not caring. I could trust Marlow. He would look after me, no matter what. We were going to talk, I remembered that, about what he’d said. Maybe we could today if I gave myself up to him.
That kind of unconditional surrender seemed to make him happy, his smile so fucking radiant. “C’mon. I’ll get the sentinels. Let’s get off this damn bus and I’ll show you a good time.”
There’s a singular pleasure that comes from being cared for by someone you’re into. If I ever had to go to the hairdressers again after this, it would be a whole other experience. Sentinels were summoned with a call—thankfully, Mark wasn’t among them—and they escorted us across the carpark into a room in the very rear of the backstage area. The hum of activity and the sounds of instruments being tuned all faded away when he shut the door. Now it was just him and me and a whole room full of clothes, makeup, perfume, and accessories.
“Through here,” he said, opening a door on the opposite end of the room to my gasp.
Inside was a large white porcelain bath, filled with sweet smelling, bubbly water. Steam coiled up from the surface in a series of little waves.
“How did you…?”
“Magic, darling. Now get out of my shirt and into the water.”
I didn’t question it too much, the sight of such a luxurious thing making me yank the shirt up and over my head, but when I went to unclip my bra, Marlow was already there. He had it off in a few practised moves, pushing the cups forward, his fingers grazing the sides of my breasts for a moment before being pulled away. We worked together until I was naked, and then I stepped into the bath.
“Oh my god,” I said as I settled into the water. The temperature was the perfect heat to send shivers through me. He came and sat on the rim, soap and a face washer appearing from nowhere. “It’s only been days, but I’m already sick of showering in the bus.”