I nodded. “I’d show up for you, Soph. I would’ve even back in high school. Don’t get me wrong, I’d bust your chops the entire time, but I’d show.”
She smiled. “So…I guess that makes us…what then? Friends with benefits? Pretty sure our families would disown us if they found out.”
“Fuck ’em,” I said.
“Oh… You don’t care?” She arched a brow. “So your family knows we’re sleeping together and have become friends?”
I shook my head. “No, but that’s mostly because I don’t discuss my personal life with them. Neither my father nor my grandfather has ever taken an interest before, and I don’t expect them to start anytime soon.”
“Does that bother you? That they don’t have an interest in getting to know you?”
I shrugged. “It used to. But I’ve spent way too many years trying to get them to see me. For a long time, I thought I was made of poison. Lately I’ve started to realize that venom can come from a family of snakes.”
Sophia looked so vulnerable. Holding her hand out across the table, she nodded like she understood. And I’m sure she did…a little, at least. Though I doubted she fully comprehended what my family was capable of.
Putting my hand in hers, I looked down at our entwined fingers for a long time. “Do you have plans for Labor Day weekend?”
She started to shake her head and then stopped. “Oh—actually, I do. I usually go to the Children’s Hospital’s charity event that weekend. My entire family does. Yours does, too, right?”
I leaned in and lifted her hand to my lips, placing a kiss on the top. “They do. Will you go with me?”
She looked surprised. “Are you asking me to go as your date?”
I nodded. “I am.”
“With all of our family in attendance?”
“Why not? It’ll be fun to see their faces.”
Sophia nibbled her bottom lip for a minute before her face lit up. “Okay!”
I smiled. “Good, then I guess I have a new friend and a date for the event Labor Day weekend.” I slipped my hand from hers and picked up my fork. “Now eat your damn food before it gets cold, so I can get you back to the hotel and decorate that neck.”
***
“So how are things going?” Dr. Halpern asked. She set her pad on her lap and folded her hands on top.
“Fine.”
“Have you been sleeping okay?”
My brows pulled down. “Same as usual. Why do you ask?”
“You look a little tired today.”
I couldn’t even try to hide my grin. “I was up late. But don’t worry, you don’t have to run to my grandfather. I wasn’t drinking or doing anything stupid.”
Well, I guess that would be a matter of opinion. My family would definitely think spending an entire night inside Sophia Sterling was stupid.
“I see. So you’re seeing someone, then?”
I was hesitant to talk about Sophia with Dr. Halpern, even though she’d assured me nothing we discussed, except my general emotional state, went into her report to my grandfather. Doctor-patient confidentiality meant nothing when your resources were limitless—though I did want to work some things out.
“Yeah. I’m seeing someone.”
“Tell me about her.”
I thought about how to describe Sophia. “She’s smart, beautiful, strong, and loyal. Basically, she’s way above my pay grade.”
“You think she’s too good for you?”
I shook my head. “Not think, know. She’s absolutely too good for me.”
“What makes you say that?”
I shrugged. “She just is.”
“Let’s back up for a moment. You said she’s smart. Do you feel you have inferior intelligence?”
“No. We can go toe to toe.”
“Okay. You said she was beautiful. Do you consider yourself unattractive?”
I knew I wasn’t. That wasn’t what this was about. “I’ll save you some time, Doc. We’re not equals on the loyalty front.”
“Is it because you have a tendency to stray and she doesn’t?”
There was no damn way stepping out would be an issue with Sophia in my bed. “No, sex is definitely not an issue.”
“So this is about you being someone she can rely on for things that are not physical?”
I let out a long, low sigh. “I don’t exactly have a track record for being someone people can rely on. Plus… Let’s just say things between us didn’t exactly start off with honesty.”
Dr. Halpern picked up her notepad and scribbled something. “Who do you feel you’ve let down in your life?”
I scoffed. “Probably easier to ask who I didn’t.”
She was quiet for a moment and then nodded. “Okay. Let’s say everything you’ve just said is true, even though I’m certain it’s not. Why can’t this woman be the first person who experiences the new Weston Lockwood?”
“People don’t change.”
Dr. Halpern pursed her lips. “That would render my job useless, wouldn’t it?”
I said nothing.
Dr. Halpern laughed. “You have manners, so you didn’t answer the question with words. I appreciate that. But your face said it all. There are very few things I’ll argue with a patient about, but having the ability to change is one of them. We all have the ability to change, Weston. Maybe not our DNA, but certainly the way we treat people is something we’re all capable of modifying. It’s not always easy, but the first step is awareness—recognizing what needs to be changed and wanting things to be different. Whether what you believe about yourself is true or not is almost immaterial. What’s important is that you believe it to be true, and you have the desire for things to change.”
“No offense, Doc, but that sounds like a lot of psychobabble. If changing is that simple, why doesn’t everyone do it? Prisons are filled with repeat offenders. I’m sure most guys who rob convenience stores don’t walk through the gates on release day thinking, I can’t wait to go rob someone again and come back here.”
“I’d have to agree with you. In that case, things are hard when they walk out of prison. They likely have no money, and the life they knew before has moved on without them. I never said it was easy to change. But if you hit the pavement eight hours a day, every day, willing to accept any minimum-wage job, most people will find something to cover feeding themselves and putting a roof over their head. The problem is, it’s a lot harder to work forty hours a week washing the floor and scrubbing dishes than it is to point a gun at someone and steal a thousand dollars out of a register. So you truly have to want a clean lifestyle at any cost.”
Dr. Halpern shook her head. “I think we’ve gotten off track, but the principle is still the same. There will be situations in your life that tempt you away from being loyal, and sometimes not taking the temptation will cost you something. It’s a matter of how badly you want what you want and what you’re willing to sacrifice to get it.”
She made it sound so simple. It wasn’t like I’d made a conscious choice in the past to screw things up. All of a sudden, I’d find myself someplace, and I usually hadn’t realized where I was heading until I got there.