Sophia’s lips flattened to a grim line. She didn’t acknowledge granting me the thirty seconds, but I figured her not talking might be as good as I was going to get. So I paced back and forth, looking down at the floor, trying to choose the right words.
My ribs felt like a weight was sitting on them, squeezing the air from my lungs. And I knew exactly what that weight was. I had this moment to get everything off my chest.
Now or never.
Don’t be a chickenshit all your life.
So I took a deep breath and looked across the table, waiting for Sophia to look up. Eventually, the awkward silence tricked her into meeting my gaze, and I went for it.
Fuck it.
Go big or go home.
“I love you, Sophia. I don’t know when it started or if it even matters anymore. But I need you to know it.”
At first, I saw hope bloom in her eyes. They widened with surprise, and the slightest hint of a smile formed at the corners of her mouth. But just as quickly as that hope had blossomed, it wilted.
And I watched as she remembered.
Remembered how I’d fucked her over.
Remembered how she’s supposed to hate me.
Remembered how nothing I say should be trusted.
In the span of less than ten seconds, that slightest upturn at the corners of her mouth melted into a giant downturn, and her wide eyes narrowed with suspicion.
“You have no idea what love is.”
I shook my head. “You’re wrong. I might not know a lot of things—like how to have some balls when dealing with my family, or how to tell my grandfather no when he tells me to do something morally reprehensible, or even how to be in a relationship, because fuck knows I’ve never had a real-life role model of what a normal one is supposed to look like. But I absolutely, positively know that I’m in love with you. You know how?”
She didn’t answer. But she also didn’t tell me to stop.
So I kept going.
“I know I love you because for the five years since Caroline died, I have never wanted to be a better man. I’ve never once looked in the mirror and given a shit whether I liked what I saw. But every morning since you got on that plane and made me move out of that window seat, I’ve stared at myself, wondering what I could do today to be a better person—a better man who deserves a woman like you.
“I know I love you because my family would disown me for falling in love with you. And that doesn’t scare me half as much as you leaving this room without believing that my heart belongs to you more than it’s ever belonged to anyone.
“I know I love you because for my entire life I felt like I had no purpose except to be spare parts for my sister…until you.
“I know I love you because…” I shook my head and dragged a hand through my hair. “Because you are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known—and even that is an understatement.”
Sophia’s lips parted, and tears welled in her eyes. I didn’t have to tell her I’d borrowed that one from F. Scott Fitzgerald instead of Shakespeare. A month ago, I’d searched for quotes to taunt her about her ex, but lately I’d started to enjoy reading them. So many reminded me of her, like that one.
I cleared my throat. “Soph, I fucked up. It’s not the way you think, but I realize it doesn’t matter if I intended to give my grandfather any information. I should have told you about it or not led him to believe I was playing his game. I didn’t have to violate your trust to lose it. Even the smallest lie can create the biggest damage.”
She sniffled. “I feel like an idiot for wanting to believe you.” She shook her head and looked down. “I just can’t, Weston. I can’t.”
“Soph, no. Don’t say that. Look at me.”
She kept shaking her head. When a tear leaked from her eye, she looked up at me and whispered, “Countess.”
My forehead wrinkled. Then I remembered I’d made her pick a safe word in case things got to be too much. She’d never said it until now. It felt like my heart was breaking in two.
Sophia walked to the conference room door. I went to reach for her, but she put her hand up, stopping me.
“Please don’t. I need to use the restroom.” Her voice was so soft and filled with emotion that it sliced through me. “Don’t follow me. Please let me be. You said what you wanted to say. I listened. I really did. And I want to be left alone now.”
I dropped my head and nodded. “Go. I don’t want to make you feel worse.”
Sophia didn’t come back for ten long minutes. When she did, I could tell she’d been crying. I felt like an idiot for making her upset right before a business meting. We were both quiet as we waited at the conference table. I stole glances at her while she avoided eye contact. When Elizabeth Barton eventually walked in, Sophia finally met my eyes.
I knew it was causing her pain to sit across the table from me, so I stood as Elizabeth took her seat. I’d gotten what I came for, and the rest of it didn’t matter. None of it mattered. The very least I could do was make Sophia feel a little lighter by not having to look at me.
I buttoned my jacket and cleared my throat. “Sorry, Elizabeth, but something’s come up, and I need to run.”
The attorney looked surprised. “I’m sorry. Should we reschedule?”
I looked over at Sophia. “No. You two go ahead. I’ll catch up with you at some point, if you have time.”
Elizabeth rightly looked confused. “Oh…okay. Well, why don’t you book a time on your way out with the receptionist and we’ll talk later.”
I gave a noncommittal nod. “Sure.”
***
Over the next forty-eight hours, I visited Mr. Thorne four times. It was either that or drink a bottle of vodka. I ignored phone calls from my grandfather and never did catch up with Elizabeth Barton to get the information I needed from her. Just about the only responsibility I didn’t blow off was dealing with the Boltons. The estimates and revised construction plans had come in, and I worked with Travis on cutting some things that would mean we’d still have a shot of finishing everything on time for the first event planned next month. It wasn’t that I gave a shit about the construction anymore than anything else, but Sophia was vulnerable, and I didn’t want her to spend any time with a man who had an interest in her. I might’ve fallen in love, but I was still a selfish prick.
Sophia and I passed each other in the halls. She did her best to avoid eye contact, while I did my best not to fall to my knees and beg for her forgiveness. The hours ticked by as the deadline to turn in our bids neared. In less than twenty-four hours, everything would be over. One of us would bring our family victory, while the other would never live down the loss. But most importantly, Sophia and I would no longer have any reason for contact. One of us would most certainly be asked to vacate the premises as a guest, and we’d go back to what we’d been for the last twelve years—people who saw each other occasionally at an event and stayed on the other side of the room.
The night before the day the bids were due, I couldn’t sleep. I’d emailed my final valuation for the hotel to my grandfather, along with my recommendation for the bid. He’d emailed back asking if I was certain the bid was higher than the Sterlings’. I’d told him it was, though I had no fucking clue.