Maybe it was because I grew up without one, but I was so fixated on my birth mother, I hadn’t thought about who my father could have been. Adam was looking at me like it was making him sick as well, but he didn’t say no.
“I mean, wouldn’t it be?” he asked finally. “Assuming that was your mother in the picture and they invited you and Stella here.”
“Oh, God.” I put my other hand over my mouth when my stomach rumbled. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Who cares?” Adam said. “Honestly, what does it matter? Look at how you turned out, Eva. You’re in Ellis freaking University. You did that on your own. You had Karen, and sure, you didn’t see eye to eye but she obviously loves you despite that. You have Aisha—”
“Had.” I blinked away unshed tears. “Had Aisha.”
“You have us.” He reached for my hand. “You have me.”
As I stood there, I felt something shift inside my chest. Maybe it was the butterflies flapping all around inside of me. Maybe it was the circumstances and the fact that out of everyone I knew, everyone I’d met, Adam was the only one who stood next to me and meant it. Whatever the case was, I decided right then and there that this wasn’t casual, this wasn’t a blip in my story. He was exactly what I never knew I needed and I wouldn’t push him away. Not purposely, anyway. With those thoughts in mind, I got on the balls of my feet and kissed him, his arms wrapping around me as my mouth moved against his. I pulled away quickly, not because I wanted to, but because I hadn’t lost sight of what needed to be done. His hazel eyes searched mine and without saying a word, I knew he saw what I was trying to tell him.
We started walking again until we reached the church. The door was open, and unlike the other morning, it didn’t look as daunting, maybe because I knew it would be empty. As we walked up the steps and walked inside, I braced myself to face Marie. Sister Marie. That was how I knew her. Finding her wasn’t an issue. She was on her knees, scraping the floor with a tool, and looked up at us and back down as if she’d been expecting us.
“Darn monks with their gum.” She set the tool down and stood. “I take it you’re not here for the cleaning position.”
“I need to know why I’m here.”
“Why you’re here?” She raised an eyebrow. “How would I answer that?”
“You helped my mother adopt me. You knew there were two of us.” I paused because I still wasn’t entirely sure about Wendy. She didn’t look exactly like Stella and so I assumed she had a different father. When she didn’t jump in, I continued. “Why did they separate us? Where is our mother?”
“Your mother is Karen Guerra.”
“My birth mother.”
“She doesn’t want to be found. Your birth mother was a vessel, like I once was, like you’ll be if it is determined you’re the chosen one. I can’t speak on why they separated the three of you, you’d have to take that up with the adoption agency, but I can say that because you arrived here on your own accord, you are more likely than Stella to be the one chosen.”
“Wendy is . . . we’re triplets?”
“Yes.”
Adam set a hand on my shoulder and I glanced up at him, eyes wide. I’d spent twenty years of my life dealing with loneliness and feeling misunderstood and all along I had two other people I could have shared that with. Anger burned in my throat, unshed tears threatened. The moment seemed to be closing in on me, threatening to swallow me whole. I anticipated fainting. I waited for it to come. Waited for my knees to grow weak and my vision to fill with tiny black dots.
“Focus on breathing.” Adam stood between Marie and me, setting both hands on my shoulders and holding my gaze. “Breathe.”
I nodded and did as he instructed. When I knew I would be fine, I reached up and placed my hands on his forearms. “Thank you.”
He didn’t say anything, but he smiled with his eyes and that was more than enough. He stepped back beside me again and we both faced Marie, who had gone back to cleaning the pews.
“St. Nicolas’ Orphanage.” Sister Marie lowered her voice and looked around. “That’s where you came from. Now, go on now, that’s the only information I have and they’re due to come back any minute.”
“What happened to Wendy? Was she really kidnapped?” I asked as Adam grabbed my hand and tugged me in the direction of the door.
“That’s what they say.”
“What do you say happened?”
“I don’t say anything at all, child.” Sister Marie smiled. “It’s better that way around here.”
Adam ushered me out of the church just in time to see the mob of monks and nuns headed in our direction. I followed him around the building, deeper into the woods, until we reached a fence. I was about to tell him we had to turn around when he reached for it and pulled an opening.
“Get in.”
I did and he followed. We walked in the direction of the house as the sun set behind us.
“We’re really not allowed to be in the church?” I asked.
“It’s banned.”
“What would happen if they caught us there?”
“They’d probably kick us out of The Swords.” He glanced over at me. “Take their money back and all that.”
“Why though? It’s a church.”
“It’s their church.” He pulled out his phone and started typing.
When he finished, he showed me the screen. St. Nicolas’ Orphanage shut down in 2000. I grabbed the phone and continued reading as we walked. St. Nicolas’ shuts down after controversies surrounded the adoption practices. The article named people who had tried to get their adoption papers and were turned away, parents who tried to find out the truth for their children and were shut down.
“I think I’m still in shock about Wendy.” I handed the phone back to Adam.
“It’s a lot to take in. You just found out you had one twin, and now you find out you have two.”
“And she’s a nun, which would mean she was probably raised in the convent, raised by our mother.” I looked up at him. “I spent so much of my time wishing for that and now that I know this I don’t know what to do with it. Why did she keep her and not me? Or Stella?”
My heart sank as I asked the question. I wanted to find out the truth because I was tired of feeling unwanted, not because I wanted my feelings to be amplified. When we got back to the house, using a side door I’d never seen, and upstairs, I let Adam walk me to my room, but stopped as we reached the door.
“I’m sorry. I need space.”
His expression gave nothing away, but his eyes were no longer smiling and I knew I’d hurt him. I set my hand on his.
“Just for a little while. I’ll meet you in our spot later.” I smiled.
“I’ll be there playing some Chopin for you.”
“I’m sure I’ll love it.” I licked my lips, unsure of what to do next.
We hadn’t said goodbye to each other . . . ever. The few times we’d been apart, one of us had just left while the other was sleeping. This was uncharted territory and oddly enough, even though I needed space, I craved him more. He set his forearm on the door, over my head, leaning in.