‘Thanks, Joanna. Look, it is what it is. No matter what I say, people will be all over it. Let’s just post this fucker.’ Ali cocked an eyebrow at Amy, who shrugged in a slightly defeated fashion and solemnly tapped out a caption tagging SweetLittleLies.ie and rounding off with some relevant hashtags: #apologyvideo #socialmediaapology #Iamsorry #struggling.
‘OK, you sure you’re ready?’ Amy stood with her finger poised over the phone screen.
‘Oh my God, gimme.’ Ali snatched the phone, made her account public again and hit Share. ‘Now, let all the various judgements and hot takes roll in.’
Joanna started tidying her bits back into her mammoth wheelie make-up bag and Amy gave her details for invoicing. Liv poked her head around the door just as Joanna said goodbye and hurried on to her next job.
‘All done? I’m ordering Thai. What do you want, Ali? Amy, are you gonna stay? We could all eat together.’
Liv looked blasé. It was probably taking everything she had to try to look so casual, Ali thought, grinning.
Amy seemed to consider the offer but then her tablet buzzed again and a strained look crept across her face.
‘I’d really like to but Shelly’s got a fashion event on tomorrow morning and I need to get ahead of the Insta admin on that.’
‘How much does she make on one of those things?’ Ali couldn’t resist probing.
‘Ali! You’re one of us now. Instahuns don’t spill the tea in front of Muggles.’ She jerked her head at Liv. ‘No offence. I mean, it’s basically a compliment.’
Liv laughed and held her hands up. ‘Hey, I’m an Insta Muggle and proud. So, I’ll text you?’
‘Yep, see you for dim sum.’
‘And then some,’ Ali threw in, then added a little drum effect. ‘Ba-dum tsssshhhhh!’
‘Uh-huh.’ Amy looked scornful. She stepped past Liv, brushing her cheek with her lips. ‘Can’t wait,’ she whispered. To Ali, she waved and said, ‘I’m on the WhatsApp for the night if you need help fielding comments.’
And she was gone, leaving a dazed-looking Liv in her wake.
‘Oh my God,’ Ali squealed. ‘You’re so in there.’
Liv just nodded mutely, cradling her cheek where Amy had kissed her.
‘This is so exciting.’ Ali bounded over for a hug but was interrupted by the angry buzz of her phone which was lying on the bed. The Insta notification sound brought her right back.
‘Oh, here we go.’ She winced and hopped over to turn down the volume. Liv followed and peered over her shoulder at the notifications that were dropping in at a furious rate.
‘When will we know how they’re taking it? Massaman?’ Liv asked, sitting down on the bed to order the food.
‘Yes, Massaman please. In a way, there’s no point in me even looking at these.’ Ali waved the phone. ‘I’m best just watching some soothing murder and eating my weight in prawn crackers. Then, in the morning, I’ll get a pretty solid sense of the state of play from whatever Notions.ie puts up about the apology.’
‘Ha, that’s amazing.’ Liv exhaled. ‘You deffo think they’ll cover it?’
‘Oh yes, short of some other influencer getting up to some mad shit during the night, I’m guaranteed to be their bread and butter all weekend. The tabloid fodder should get a cut of the ad revenue. We’re basically their raison d’être.’
‘Well, you’re not out of the woods yet, though, right? Careful, you’re sounding way too cocky.’
Ali knew Liv was right but since her meeting with Terry, it was like emerging from a fog. She’d been so caught up for so long in this app, she’d practically forgotten about the whole other world that existed offline.
‘I don’t mean to be cocky. I’m just trying to care a bit less. I can’t control what thousands of strangers think of me. Also, I kind of have an idea of what to do next.’
‘Really?’ Liv was still tapping the phone. ‘I can’t remember – do we get the sticky wings or the spicy ones?’
‘Sticky.’ Ali felt that it was still very soon to be talking about the show that might not happen, but since starting work on the outline the very same day as talking to Terry, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. It had been so long since she’d written anything longer than an Insta caption, she’d completely forgotten how much she loved doing it.
‘Well? You’re smirking.’ Liv cocked a brow in her direction.
‘I’m working on a piece of writing, a script, like, for a one-woman show. All about the baby debacle. Terry from Durty Aul’ Town is helping me.’
‘Shut up! Are you serious?’
‘Yeah, why?’ Ali felt panicked at Liv’s disbelief.
‘That’s fucking brilliant.’ Liv leaped up and threw her arms around Ali. ‘Ali! This is incredible. Yes. Finally! Jesus, I thought we’d lost you to Freakstagram forever. Tell me everything. This is what you’re born to do, Ali. I hated that you lost confidence in yourself. Yes.’ Liv was punching the air with glee. ‘Good man Terry, he finally spotted your talent.’
‘Well …’ Ali was about to protest and get back to downplaying everything, but then she stopped herself. ‘Yeah. He did a bit, I suppose.’
‘Eeeek, what a day!’ Liv was bounding around the place. ‘I scored a date with Amy. You’re writing again.’
‘And I just earned practically a year’s salary in under an hour. Who cares if they still hate me?’ Ali danced around, rubbing her bump suggestively.
‘Oh God.’ Liv abruptly stopped dancing and shielded her eyes. ‘Stop rubbing it. It’s. Too. Much,’ she shrieked.
‘But me and the foetus have to express ourselves.’ Ali started gyrating the bump at Liv, who fended her off, laughing.
‘Right, what soothing murder will we have?’
‘I’m in the mood for something horrif!’ Ali said brightly.
‘Jesus. All right. Fred and Rose West doc?’
‘Eugh, no. I’m not that fucked up. Maybe Ed Gein?’
‘Right.’ Liv rolled her eyes, and then her gaze fell on Ali’s phone on the bed, silent but blinking rhythmically with endless new comments. ‘Are you leaving that here?’
Ali wavered for a moment. ‘Yeah, fuck it. It’ll just be a wreck-the-buzz. Let’s have it just us tonight. And Ed. And his Lady Lamps.’
‘I must admit, I am partial to his nipple belt.’ Liv led the way towards the living room.
Chapter 15
‘Shell-Belles, it is so exciting to be here in the Tullamore Swan Inn. I’m just with my glam squad getting prepped for my Shella-Bella Bumps Roadshow today! We’ll be talking self-care for mamas-to-be, fashion tips for hiding your new unsightly lumps and styling that bump! Can’t wait to see you all soon.’
Shelly put the phone down so Amanda could get back to the laborious task of getting her ready. In-persons were so stressful. The Shell-Belles could be hyper-critical, and she didn’t want to end up on Rants.ie for looking sloppy. God knows they’d be up there bitching about the price of the ticket (€125 including faux-secco on arrival and a goodie bag). They moaned but they coughed up, as Amy always said. The whole tour had sold out in two hours. She was committed to traipsing around regional Swan Inns across the country every Saturday for the next six weeks. All in the name of unhitching from Dan and getting her life back, she reminded herself.