‘Yeah, cool, here’s perfect. Thanks.’ Ali said her goodbyes and heaved herself out of the car, wishing she wasn’t leaving Sam with the lasting visual of her looking distinctly ungraceful and struggling to get out.
She thanked them and waved as they drove out of sight.
It seemed like he couldn’t wait to get rid of her, she thought sadly as she ambled to the bench at the bus stop and stood practically pelvis to eye level with a guy on his phone until he got the message and grudgingly gave up his seat for her.
She WhatsApped Liv.
It seemed to be going great. We went for lunch with Shelly, but then he dumped me out at the bus stop and is now driving her back to her car.
Also, we ducked out of the class early because it was like a hellish combination of Social and Personal Education class in fourth year and the final scenes from Event Horizon. I need cheering up ASAP and to find out how to birth a baby.
She added a GIF of Sam Neill losing it in that last scene of the movie and began rooting for her Leap card.
Liv’s response a few minutes later was comforting.
I got you covered …
It was accompanied by a picture of the coffee table in the living room where Liv had arranged a load of snacks and some latex gloves with One Born Every Minute loading on the TV in the background.
Thank you. I don’t want to know why you just HAPPENED to have latex gloves to hand like that ;) See you soon. xx
Shelly felt bad that Sam was bringing her back to her car. Maybe if she hadn’t been there, Sam and Ali would’ve spent the evening together. It was such a shame those two had gotten off on the wrong foot – though that was, Shelly knew, definitely putting it mildly.
Still, the connection they had was just so obvious. Even in the early days, she and Dan had never had that.
‘So’ – she turned to Sam – ‘you didn’t want to invite Ali back to the very coveted garden-level apartment, then?’ She was pretty sure it was OK to ask, given how much he had learned about her life in the preceding two hours.
Sam shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road, the turn for the health centre coming up. ‘I don’t want to be sending mixed signals.’
‘What constitutes mixed signals when you clearly still have feelings for her and she’s having your child?’
‘It’s more complicated than that,’ he returned tersely.
He didn’t deny he had feelings for her. Shelly made a mental note to WhatsApp Ali as much as soon as she got to her car. She sensed Ali needed cheering up on this matter.
‘How many serious relationships have you had, Sam?’
He looked unhappy with this line of questioning.
‘None really, unless you count Ali and I don’t really count it.’ He sighed. ‘Not with how it ended,’ he added quietly.
‘Can I be your annoying big sister for a minute?’
He shrugged again and indicated left for the health centre. Shelly opted to take his silence as a grudging agreement.
‘You don’t get what you have with Ali with a lot of people.’ She held up a hand as he began to argue. ‘Wait, let me finish. Just park her dumb lie for a minute. You two get each other. You have fun together. You fit. I’ve never had that with anyone, you know. Not even Dan. Never with Dan. From day one, I tried to fit him and then it didn’t work and look at us now. That’s why I can’t bear to watch you talk yourself out of being with Ali. You’ll probably go on and meet someone and she’ll be nice, but she’ll never be Ali. She’ll never be that person who makes you laugh and smells just right, feels right, is right. I truly wish I’d had that, and if I found it, I wouldn’t be tossing it out over one thing that, yes, was brutal and so wrong but my God, Sam, her dad was dying – she was not in her right mind.’
‘I know that.’ He pulled into the car park. ‘Where are you parked?’
‘Up there on the right,’ she directed him. ‘I’m not trying to annoy you. I just like you two. Plus, I guess I know what’s coming down the line. Newborns are a miracle and all but they’re also like someone just chucked a sweet-smelling bomb into the middle of your life. She’s going to need someone to mind her.’
‘I’ll be involved. I was there today, wasn’t I?’
‘Yeah, but it’s more than doing half the nappies and rocking the baby.’ Shelly flashed back on her own lonely, dark days as a new mother. Among her memories of Georgie wailing and her crying helplessly along with her, there was never any sign of Dan. And, worse, Shelly distinctly remembered forcing a brave mask over her shattered face whenever he was around. She couldn’t have him see how much she was struggling.
At the time, she’d felt that her struggling – she’d only recently been able to admit with Berna’s help that it was in fact postnatal depression – would’ve been an inconvenience for Dan, which was probably unfair. She’d never even given him a chance to help her, but she’d never felt able to let him in. That’s why they didn’t fit.
‘Sam, she’s going to need someone who loves her and minds her as much as loving and minding the baby.’
He seemed to soften at these words. He pulled up beside her car and turned the engine off.
‘I do love her.’ He looked so desolate, Shelly had to fight the urge to hug him. ‘I want to move on and not feel bad about any of these things anymore. I started seeing a therapist to try and get all my thoughts in order.’
‘That’s great, Sam.’
‘The therapist thinks Ali is a narcissist and that I should cut ties.’
‘Oh.’ Shelly floundered at this damning assessment. ‘Well, therapists aren’t always right. My therapist is amazing. She’s helped me so much, but I wouldn’t take her word on everything.’
‘Everyone’s in therapy except Ali, the one person who definitely needs it.’ Sam grinned.
‘In fairness to her, she joined a group therapy thing months ago.’ Shelly was careful with her words, not knowing how much Sam knew or didn’t know about CatAnon.
‘Yeah, I know.’ He sighed. ‘She’s been making an effort. And I know she’s completely cut the crap on Insta. Except for this W Y N D thing – what’s that all about? “Excavate your soul and prepare to soar with Holistic Hazel”?’ He mimed wanking and Shelly had to laugh.
‘God, I know. I’m so glad I won’t have to attend. It’s too close to the birth of this one.’ She patted her belly. ‘Still, it’s money in the bank for Ali. Good with a baby on the way.’
‘So, Ali’s going to the festival? Is that safe with a baby on the way?’
‘Oh God, yeah. It’s not like Electric Picnic. This is a luxury wellness summit thing, according to all the press releases. She’ll be completely fine. It’ll be the same as staying in a hotel. Probably better. So, are you going to give her another chance?’
‘I do have a wedding coming up. I’ve got a plus one. I would really like my friends to get to know her outside of all that craziness.’
‘That’s perfect, Sam. Definitely ask her. She will be so, so happy. I just know it.’
‘Yeah,’ Sam replied thoughtfully. ‘I really do want to just get over this.’