I couldn’t very well drop the gift where I stood when she walked away, so I held on to it and stormed off for the server’s station. It seemed as though every single person in the restaurant was watching me, including Tim, who was waiting for me at the station, lips in a tight line, chin jutting out. My stomach sank, every ounce of hopelessness bombarding me.
“Brittany will watch your tables. You take a minute to compose yourself” was all he said to me—which was when I realized I had tears running down my cheeks.
Damn hormones.
I rushed out the back door to be met by a couple of cooks taking their smoking breaks. The second they saw me, they put their cigarettes out and went back inside. Thank goodness for that, since the scent made me nauseous as hell, no matter how much Zofran was pumping into me.
I leaned against the brick wall, breathing deeply, wiping the tears away. Then I remembered the stupid blue gift bag I still held in my hand.
The urge to toss it in the trash was outweighed by my curiosity. I opened the envelope first and gasped. Inside it was a sizable amount of cash accompanied by a small note written in Ava’s perfect handwriting.
For doctor bills and baby stuff. From Kai.
He says he’s sorry and he wants to be involved with everything.
If you accept his apology, he wants you to call him.
Either way, the money is yours to keep.
The money made Ava’s frustration a bit more understandable. Her brother had her bring me money. I wasn’t sure if I was insulted or relieved. It was enough to get me by for a month and pay for a month’s worth of the Zofran crap. I couldn’t help the relief, no matter how infuriated I wanted to be. No matter how badly I wanted to handle things on my own. The relief of not having to work so hard when I was so freaking sick all the time was overwhelming.
The bag also contained a white muslin swaddle blanket with teal feathers all over it and matching baby jammies. Staring at the tiny jammies, I cried in earnest. Being responsible for someone so tiny in a little over five months was terrifying.
Kai was the first one to get the baby something. Even before me. Since I had been so hard up for cash, I could barely afford Dr. Pepper, let alone baby clothes. That thought made me cry even harder. I hugged the blanket and outfit to my chest, breathing deeply to get it under control.
When I finally stopped and had put everything back in the bag, Tim stuck his head out the back door, looking me over before approaching me.
“Britt is taking your tables,” he told me, looking at the bag, then at my face that had to be splotchy red and awful. “You can go home.”
My mouth hung open for a second while my stomach churned before I sputtered, “This wasn’t my fault! Ava sat at my table. She upset me. Please don’t fire me, Tim. You have no idea how much I need this job.” I wasn’t above begging apparently, which had me questioning every choice I had ever made in my life.
He jerked back, mouth twisting. “I’m not firing you.” Gripping the back of his neck, he shuffled his feet. “You’re a bit of a mess, honey. I’m just sending you home for the day. To get some, ah, rest.”
“Okay,” I sniveled, hugging the gift bag to my chest.
“We’ll see you on Saturday, okay?”
I could only nod before he ambled back inside.
After retrieving my purse, I went out the back and started my long walk home. Though I did have a car, the walking was supposed to be good for me or something, and I couldn’t really afford to put gas in said car anyway.
The thinking was necessary. When Kai reacted the way he did, followed by a similar reaction from Ava, I had written them both off and set my mind on doing this alone. But he’d sent a gift with his sister, and he had no idea how much it meant. He’d apologized—for the millionth time, based on the amount of texts and emails he’d sent over those two months. As well as trying to call me every single day to apologize over the phone. He’d gotten the baby something. Acknowledged the thing growing inside me was part his. That brought even more tears to my eyes, which I did my best to stifle.
Ava had been a bitch again, accusing me of lying to her brother. I wasn’t sure I wanted any part of that drama. Not when I’d worked my ass off to remove all drama from my life. I had sacrificed everything to take control. Having to rely on anyone was infuriating. Admitting that I might actually need to with the condition my health had plummeted to was intolerable. I might actually need him in my life, though only for the help. No relationship. No expectations.
That might work.
It had to.
And he would be done in a month, so he could be around to help.
When I got home, I made the phone call I’d been avoiding for two miserable months.
“Kate,” he answered, sounding groggy, which had me realizing I didn’t check what time it might be in Germany.
“Sorry. You can call me later.”
“No!” There was some rustling in the background. “No. I was hoping you’d call. I don’t give a shit what time it is.”
“Umm… okay.” I plopped on my couch, gulping in some air with the hope it would give me courage.
“You saw Ava? She gave you the gift?”
I snorted. “Yeah. She gave it to me. Along with an earful about how I’m only pinning this on you because you’re the only one-night stand I actually remember. And of course, she did this while I was working.” That all fell from my mouth in a tumble of words I didn’t mean to let out. I hadn’t called him to give him the guilt trip.
“Shit, Ava,” he snarled. I bit my tongue to keep from interjecting. “I’m sorry, Kate. For that. For what I said when you told me. For what she said when you told her. All of it.”
“It isn’t like I don’t deserve the speculation. I’ve slept with a lot of guys. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with Ava being a bitch to me while I’m at work.”
“Right.” He sighed. I sighed. The conversation fell stagnant. This wasn’t going how I had planned.
I cleared my throat and picked at some lint on the couch. “Anyway. Thank you… for the gift… but I can’t accept the money.” No matter how badly I needed it, I couldn’t. Accepting it seemed sleazy somehow.
“You can.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “Look, Kate. I was a dick. I didn’t even…. You were straight with me. I knew there were other guys. The number isn’t my business. But I shouldn’t have held that against you. If you were honest with me about that, you wouldn’t lie to me about this.”
Honesty. He thought I was an honest person. He had no idea, no inkling of how wrong he was. My life revolved around lies. A lot like his sister Mia’s life had a while back. She had dealt drugs her senior year. When she tried to quit, they went after Ava, her twin. But she still didn’t tell any of them she was dealing. Instead, she ran off to get away from the lies. She and I probably would have been better roommates than Ava and I had been. We would have understood each other.
I may not have been a drug dealer, but I had my reasons for the lies. For running. Now all those lies, all my secrets, were at risk.
“Say something, Kate,” he urged, jerking me from my thoughts. My stomach churned.
“I… I… I don’t need you. I don’t need your help, your sympathy, or your money.” It all tumbled out in a rush. None of the things I’d decided to say on my walk home. But when the thought of what letting him help could do to my carefully constructed life hit me, it just came out. Letting him help me could destroy everything. I never let anyone close enough to learn anything real about me. Just letting him be there for his kid alone could ruin everything I’d built.