“Fuck.”
“Yeah. After that, it was just endless hookups. I just didn’t want to deal with relationships anymore. I guess I don’t know how to not go in headfirst. I don’t know how to hold back, so I decided the safest thing was to pull out of the game. That’s when my career started taking off anyway, so I just threw myself into that. Eventually, I didn’t even have the energy for hooking up. Now here I am.”
“I get it.”
“So yeah, no big tragic thing. Just a series of nicks in my heart I didn’t want any more of. It’s lonely, but I’ll take that over pain any day.”
I nod. “Same.”
“And that makes this thing we’re doing kind of addictive,” Jude says.
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t tell you how much I’ve wanted to just be close to someone. I like going out with you and your friends, it’s a lot of fun, but I love…” His voice breaks, and he laughs it away. “I love coming home and having dinner with you and talking about our days and cuddling on the couch watching movies. I don’t know why we didn’t do more of this sooner, and I know it isn’t real, but it feels amazing.”
“It’s real in a way,” I offer, slightly stunned by his admission. “I mean, we’re really cuddling.”
He laughs. “True.” His thumb brushes across my cheek. “You make me feel good, Bri. Better than good. Thank you.”
“You do that for me too.”
“Okay, sugar boo, too much mush. Let’s finish this movie.”
I scrunch my face. “Sugar boo is definitely on the no list.”
Jude grins. “Mm, I think it’s a strong maybe.”
A couple of weeks later, we’re out with the guys again, sitting at a table after returning from the dance floor. I take a sip of my cocktail.
“I think we need to address the pink elephant in the room,” Tate says, dramatically draping himself across the velvet couch we’re sitting on to get between me and Jude.
“And what pink elephant is that?” I ask.
“Oooh elephants?” Gen gushes, sitting on the ottoman in front of us with his hand perched under his chin. “Tell us, Tate.”
Tate rolls his eyes at Gen. “You guys are supposed to be in love. Planning a wedding and the rest of your lives.”
Jude nods. “That’s the plan.”
“It’s not believable at all yet. You guys have a friendship bond, but the intimacy of couples isn’t there. You need to juze it up a bit.”
“Juze?” Jude repeats like it’s a foreign language.
“Yes. Touching, some affection.”
“We’ve been touching,” I say. “At home.”
“Maybe a kiss,” Gen throws in, looking like the shit stirrer he is.
My face goes pale as I look at Jude. “Too much to ask of you.”
“No,” Tate says. “Hear me out. You’ll be at a wedding which is obvs a romantic setting. If the two of you are in love, it would make sense that you’re gushy and affectionate. If you’re not, it’s going to look like something’s wrong or worse, that things between you are fake.” He shrugs. “Just being honest.”
“Preach,” Gen agrees.
“He’s right,” Saint says, coming from behind us. He leans over handing us the tray of drinks he went to get. “I’ve noticed too.”
“Okay then,” Jude says, lifting my hand and wrapping it around his. “How’s this?”
“Like first base in grade school,” Cairo says, grinning as he joins the fray after returning from the bathroom.
Jude sighs. “Fair.” He turns to me. “Want to kiss?”
My eyes widen. “Um. No.”
“You don’t want to kiss me?” He puts his hand over his heart. “You wound me.”
I laugh. “I don’t want to kiss you here.”
“But you should, so we can assess,” Tate says.
“Oh please,” I argue. “You just want to watch this for your own kink.”
Tate grins. “Absolutely accurate, but for real, you should do it in front of us so we can help you make adjustments if it’s not right. I assume Jude’s never kissed a boy before?”
“You assume correctly,” Jude answers. “If I’m gonna kiss a boy, it should be Briar.”
I lean in, closing the guys out. “Are you sure you want our first kiss to be here in front of everybody?”
Jude puts his hands on my shoulders. “I told you before, if we’re doing this, we’re doing it all the way. You think I’m afraid to kiss a guy?” He chuckles. “I’m in if you are.”
“If you’re sure.”
Jude’s hand moves up to my neck, gripping gently, before he pulls me to him, his mouth pressing into mine. His lips are warm and soft, much more pliable than I expected. He feels relaxed against me. My lips stay closed even though I so desperately want to feel his tongue on mine, but I resist. If I ever get a kiss like that from Jude, I definitely do not want an audience. He moves back a few seconds later, his eyes softening as they meet mine.
“That was nice,” he says.
I nod. “It was.”
We both turn our heads to see Gen, Tate, Cairo, and Saint staring at us. Finally, Cairo begins a slow golf clap with the others quickly joining in. Saint doesn’t clap, but he gives me an approving nod.
“Bravo,” Cairo says. “Care to perform an encore, gentlemen?”
“I concur,” Tate says, fanning himself.
“Nailed it,” Gen says, pulling his shirt open and closed to signal he’s hot.
“You guys got it,” Saint says.
When I turn back to Jude, he’s watching me, his eyes moving from my mouth to my eyes. “I guess we’ve got that down,” he says.
“Yeah.”
“So, boys,” Tate continues. “I think you should do more of that. You know, at home. Just touching, maybe some hugging or cuddling. Anything to build on the connection you clearly have so that when you do have an audience at the wedding, there’s no doubt.”
“I’m good with that,” Jude says. “Bri?”
“Sure. Yeah. It’s fine.”
“Good.” He pecks my cheek. “I’m gonna take a piss.”
“We’ll be right here.”
Jude stands and shuffles off as all of us watch him. When I twist around again, I take the shot Gen is holding out for me and slam it back. Jude kissed me. Jude fucking KISSED me! I haven’t even allowed my brain to fantasize about that happening, and good thing, because reality far exceeded anything my imagination could have conjured.
“That was so fucking hot,” Tate gushes, pulling me back to the room. “Did it feel as good as it looked?”
“It was good,” I answer, trying to calm the raging sea of lust sweeping through me.
“Good?” Gen repeats, nodding. “Okay, Briar.”
“Guys,” Saint says. “If that’s all Briar wants to say we should respect it. We need to remember that Jude is his best friend, and they have a lot on the line. It could be a lot to process right now.”