My eyes watered. “I love you, Mrs. Linden.”
Her lips curved. “I know you do, and I love you. Both of you. But don’t you think you could call me Enid?”
Throat tight, I whispered, “I love you, Enid.”
She sighed. “That’s better.” Her hand curved around Scottie’s chubby leg. “I missed this young’un, but I was even sorrier to have put you in a pickle. What did you do with him yesterday morning when I was brought in?”
“I figured something out,” I replied, trying to sound nonchalant and probably failing considering she winced.
“You left him at home?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t yesterday, but I’m having to now.”
Curling her finger at me, she beckoned me closer. I leaned over her and couldn’t scent her usual flowery perfume, but a clinical kind of soap instead—why hadn’t I thought to bring her things with me?
God, I was so selfish sometimes. But when I’d finally found the right hospital, I’d grabbed Scottie then hauled us both over here on four buses. Thoughts of perfume hadn’t been on my mind—keeping Scottie comfortable, trying not to fall asleep before our next stop, and catching the right bus had taken all my mental capacity.
“In my cupboard, there’s my purse. I want you to take it with you.”
My eyes widened. “I can’t do that!”
“Of course, you can, child. It isn’t going to do me much good. Not where I’m going.” Her smile was resigned, and I hated the tinge of relief I found there—had she been in so much pain that death was welcome? The thought crushed me. “There’s a bit of money in there, not a lot, but you can take my keys. You take whatever you can and sell it. You won’t get much, but maybe there’s something that will pay for childcare. Even if it’s for a few weeks, it’s better than nothing.” She shook her head. “Thinking of Scottie with your mother makes this old ticker race.”
I reached for her hand and my mouth trembled as I whispered words I wanted to withhold but simply couldn’t. “Please, don’t leave me.”
Both our eyes blurred as she whispered, “Baby, don’t you think I’d stay if I could?”
My throat ached with the power of my sadness, and for a second, my body temperature plummeted as I tried to contain my sorrow.
Because I couldn’t face her, not without bawling, I turned away from her and headed to the cupboard she’d pointed to. It was scratched and had been new back in the seventies, but I reached inside and grabbed her personal items.
“Could you pass me some water, honey?” she asked gently, her focus on Scottie who was fiddling with the hospital bracelet she wore on her wrist.
Nodding, I set her purse on the table then poured water into the sippy cup waiting there, and handed it to her. The tremor in her fingers was worse than before, and I watched the blue veins as she raised the cup to her mouth. They seemed to be duller somehow, and her skin was more papery than just a few days earlier. With Scottie curled up next to her, his body so round and pink with good health, there was a stark contrast between the two of them, and it saddened me all the more.
Because I couldn’t sit still, I tidied her blankets again, which she’d rustled, and tucked her in, all while she cooed over Scottie who was half-dozing and making bubbles with his spit now.
It was gross, but it was amazing how a baby made things acceptable.
I’d been puked on, peed on, crapped on, and all of it now had the power to make me laugh a little—not that I had at the time, of course.
When I’d finished fussing, I returned to her side, and informed her, “I can’t come tomorrow. I have three shifts, but I’ll be back the day after.”
She smiled at me and said, “Give the nurses your number.”
“Why?” I knew the answer.
She wanted them to call me when she died.
Wanted the call to spare me a trip to the hospital.
Oh, God.
I bowed my head, this time unable to stop the tears. She spoke so easily of death, spoke of it like she was heading out shopping for the afternoon, not leaving us forever.
I grabbed the blankets I’d just straightened, gripped them tightly in my hands, and tried to calm myself. Scottie was very sensitive, and I knew he’d sense my agitation, knew it would rile him up too, and the last thing anyone in this ward needed was a sobbing baby.
Her papery hand reached for mine, and she whispered, “Don’t worry for me.”
“I don’t want you to be alone.”
Her lips curved. “These past twelve years, I haven’t been. Without you and this little monster, I might have, but you brought light to my life, baby. You’ve been my joy in these final years, and I can’t thank you enough for that.”
“I don’t deserve your thanks,” I rasped. “I’ve been a nuisance. Depending on you when you’re sick—”
“You gave me purpose,” she argued, instantly dismissing my words. “You gave me a reason to get up in the morning.” She wagged her finger at me. “Don’t take away from the joy you brought me.”
I licked my lips, and unable to stop myself, did something I hadn’t done in twelve years.
Even though I’d wanted to.
Even though I’d longed to some nights.
Mrs. Linden had never been affectionate, but I ignored that and reached over to press a kiss to her cheek. When my soft lips caressed her fragile skin, she released a deep sigh.
“I love you, child,” she said again. “You’ve been like a—” Then she shook her head. “No, you have been a daughter to me. No ‘like’ about it.”
Throat too full to speak, I whispered, “Love you too.”
She reached up and patted my cheek. “You go now. I don’t want you out much later. I know how long you have to travel to get here from our building but, please, don’t forget to give the nurses your phone number.”
“I won’t,” I murmured miserably.
“Now, put my things in your backpack,” Enid directed, then she laughed at my bag. “The old one caved in?”
I nodded. “This is one I kept from high school.” It felt like a lifetime ago, but it was scrawled with pen and littered with drawings I’d thought were good back in the day.
As I stored her few things in there, I watched as she hugged Scottie for what might be the final time, and he began fussing the second I hauled him into my arms.
My body ached with grief as I took a step away from her. Each one physically pained me. Our eyes caught and held, and her possessions were a heavy weight on my back as I put distance between us.
I couldn’t tell her goodbye, but I didn’t know what else to say. So instead, I reached up, and with my free hand, blew her a kiss.
Her smile as she caught it would live with me forever.
Chapter Four
When my phone buzzed the next morning, my one morning off a week before a nightmarish three shifts began later on in the day, terror whirled inside me. When I saw the Caller ID was unknown and not the nurses’ station I’d keyed in yesterday, I frowned and ignored it because I was in Mrs. Linden’s apartment, going through her things, and didn’t feel like being hit up for insurance or whatever else a telemarketer wanted to sell.