“Huh…” He pauses for a second. “I guess that explains it.”
“What?”
Looking me dead in the eyes, he states, “I have no heart.”
I throw back my head and laugh. “For an intelligent man, you are an idiot.”
Thane stares at his glass expectantly, waiting for me to pour another.
“I would happily drink you under the table, moy droog. However, it’s time for the banya.”
I stand up and immediately begin stripping off my clothes.
“Wait…what are you doing?”
I point to a secret door in the wall. “Behind that wall is the path to cleansing our body and mind.”
“And, we need to be naked to do that?”
“Naturally.”
I watch with amusement as Thane strips, his movements slow and uncertain, as if he doesn’t trust me.
After he folds the last of his clothing and places it on the bench beside his coat, I pick up a chapka hat and place it on his head. It is gray and white with a red star set prominently in the center.
He adjusts the felt hat, looking at me questioningly.
Putting one on my head, I answer his unspoken question. “You cannot enter without a chapka.”
Thane looks me up and down with an amused smile. “Somehow, it seems fitting.”
I nod proudly and walk to the secret door which leads to a tiled room. Benches line the walls just outside the sauna.
“Ahh…so banya means a sauna?” he asks with relief.
“Not exactly, comrade.” I open the short wooden door to the sauna. As I do, it releases a thick cloud of steam. I see Thane hesitate, so I push him through the entrance shouting, “S lyogkim parom!”
I follow behind and quickly close it to preserve the heat. The room has three rows of bench seats climbing up the back and right side of the small room. It smells strongly of birch and oak.
The air is so hot that it makes breathing difficult. I can already feel the heat entering my lungs, and I smile.
I can see that Thane is struggling and tell him to sit on the nearest bench. “Relax, moy droog.”
I sit down beside him and throw my head back as the sweat pours off me. I feel the steam curling around me, caressing my skin, and sigh in contentment.
Once Thane has acclimated to the temperature, I motion him to move to the top bench and join him.
The higher you get in the small room, the hotter it is. The rising temperature promotes liberal sweating, which cleans the blood and provides a rush of endorphins.
I am impressed that Thane sticks it out at the higher temperature for as long as he does but, eventually, I motion to him to head out the door.
He nods and leaves. I wait a while longer, appreciating the physical challenge of extreme heat. When I have had enough, I leave the sauna and find Thane sitting on a bench, cooling off.
“Well, that was intense…” he says in a hoarse voice.
I grin. “We’re not done yet, moy droog.”
I walk to the next door and open it for him.
“I’m weak and can barely move.”
“You will feel invigorated soon enough,” I assure him.
We walk into the next room with a large natural pool in the center. The water is crystal clear.
Taking off my chapka, I place it on a shelf and walk to the edge. “This is the best part! The water is ice cold.”
He walks up beside me to stare at the water and shakes his head.
“You must embrace the full experience, moy droog.”
“Fine,” he mutters.
Staring at the crystal blue water, he builds up his courage before saying, “Fuck you, Durov,” and jumps in. He resurfaces, sputtering from the intense cold.
“Well done!” I say proudly just before I do a cannonball, splashing him with more of the freezing water.
The painful shock of the icy water instantly revives me. In that moment, I go from feeling lethargic to my body fighting for its life.
It is a feeling like no other!
I swim to the edge and pull myself out of the icy depths, helping Thane out.
I never feel as alive as I do right after the plunge.
I slap him on the back and shout, “Life!”
He starts laughing. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he is flying high on the endorphins, just like I am.
I throw him a towel, then take one for myself to dry off. Wrapping it around my waist, I tell him to follow me.
“There’s more?”
“Da. It’s time for a massage.”
“Thank God…”
I lead him into the last room where two men are waiting for us. The room smells of cedar and sharp notes of eucalyptus.
Lying down on the wooden table, I instruct Thane to do the same.
When the man approaches Thane holding a bundle of oak leaves and twigs in his hand, Thane mutters, “Oh, hell. I realize what that is.”
“Enjoy, comrade. After the high produced by the plunge, I always find a good venik massage relaxing.”
“You would…”
I smile to myself when I hear Thane grunt as the man begins beating him with the venik. I have instructed them not to take it easy on him because I want my brother to experience the full banya.
I sigh in contentment as the venik strikes my back, bringing renewal to my skin and soul.
I leave the place feeling fully restored, but the real value of a banya is the bonding experience—it has bonded the Russian people for generations.
I am proud that Thane has embraced the experience, taking it like a Russian. I feel closer to him now, which will be important in the years ahead as I navigate the complexities of this unwieldy inheritance.
As we walk back to the vehicle, I explain, “Normally, we would have used the sauna at least two more times, but we still have a five-hour train ride ahead of us.”
“What now?” he chuckles. “Bear wrestling?”
I can’t hold back my excitement and tell him, “We are going someplace only a few people in the world have seen. It is impossible to get a permit, especially on such short notice. Unless you have the money, of course.”
“Good Lord, how much did you spend?”
“I’ll never tell.” I place a finger to my lips and grin.
I leave Igor with the vehicle while Thane and two of my men join me on the train. The sun sets as we begin the long trek to Yekaterinburg. I planned to relax and enjoy a lavish meal, but I find I’m too excited to eat.
Although I planned to keep it a surprise, I start prodding Thane with questions. “Where do you think we are headed, comrade?”
“The obvious answer would be a vodka tasting at a dungeon filled with willing submissives of every size, color, and shape.”
“I like the way you think, moy droog. But you would be wrong.”
Thane stares at me and smirks. “In all the years I have known you, I’ve never seen you this excited.”
My restraint suddenly bursts, and I’m unable to keep it a secret any longer. This has been a childhood dream of mine.
“We are going to the salt mines under the city of Yekaterinburg!”
The excitement in his eyes disappears. “You have got to be kidding me.”
“I assure you I’m not.”
“Why a salt mine? Are you planning to use your cat o’ nines on me, then salt my wounds afterward?”