Gosh, on second thought, look at that smile, though. He’s definitely attractive in a shaggy-haired Christopher Lloyd kind of way. What? Like I’m the only one who had a thing for Dr. Emmett Brown in Back to the Future? I am? Okay, whatever.
That’s enough. I’m figuring out what the deal is with this dude.
I take two steps in his direction when nearly every kid in my session screams with joy. “BUG LADY!!!”
I whip around to see a young woman with curly red hair approaching. She acknowledges the kids with a sweet smile and a salute. “Hey, Critters!” she croons. “I miss you! Holden, buddy, see you again this summer, I hope?”
“Oh, hell to the yeah!” soft-spoken Holden blurts out, shocking the bejeezus out of me.
“Holden!” I reprimand. Sort of. I actually think I may have been cheering him on. This is virtually the first peep I’ve heard out of the kid all morning, and frankly, I was a little worried about him.
“I said hell.” He looks at me with big, misty eyes. “Sorry! I’m just so excited to see Bug Lady that it slipped out.”
“It’s okay, bud. I won’t tell anyone,” I whisper.
Feeling forgiven, I guess, Holden continues, full-voiced this time. “Okay, thanks. No offense, I just like bugs so much more than dinos. Dinosaurs scare the living shit out of me, but my mom is making me be here.”
An incensed Finn chimes in at that. “No way! You have your head up your butt, Holden! Dinos could kick any bug’s ass any day!”
“Alright, alright now! I think I need to draw the line at the S-word and the A-word. Also, no one’s head is up anyone’s butt, Finn. That’s physically impossible.”
“Speaking of butts…” Holden is on a roll. “Did you know the bombardier beetle’s best defense is sticking its head down on the ground, then exploding a pungent spray from its anus that can repel even the most daring of predators?”
Yikes. I’m certain I’m making a frozen stank face of epic proportions.
However, “Bug Lady” gives Holden an enthusiastic fist bump. “I actually did know that, but I hadn’t thought about the bombardier beetle’s exploding anus in a while, so thank you for that reminder, pal!”
Wow. She’s so good with them.
Holden and the rest of the crew return to dino-digging with renewed gusto. I remember the sketchy old guy and turn to confront him.
Huh. He’s gone. Nowhere in sight.
“Whoa. Your face! Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, I just… Did you see that older guy a minute ago? Kind of toothy and smiley and, I dunno, slow-motion-y?”
“Uh, nope. Why?”
“Hm. Weird. No reason.”
“Hey, nice eyebrows! They look just like yellow wooly bear caterpillars, but of course with more brown than yellow!”
“Ugh. I got talked into a weird treatment yesterday. Some kind of natural microblading situation without the blades? I dunno. It’s supposed to fade in about a week. The regret set in immediately, believe me.”
“Oh no, it was a compliment! If I had to choose, I would say that the yellow wooly bear is my absolute favorite species of caterpillar.”
“Great,” I say. What is up with this woman?
“Hi. Mabel again.” She extends her hand and shakes mine. Hard. “Kids call me the Bug Lady. I have most of these kiddos in the Critters Corner class I do here at the museum. Also, Holden attended the summer camp where I was a counselor last season. So, we’re all buds. Gosh, your eyebrows have an incredible shape.”
“Ugh, thanks. I don’t usually care about things like that, but my friend sort of made me do this whole—”
She cuts me off by sniffing me. Yeah, I’ll repeat that. This woman actually sniffs me.
“Out partying last night, huh?” she says with a wink. Oh man, she is trying way too hard.
“What? No. And could you maybe not smell me?”
“Sure! Right, of course!”
She backs up a few steps, still smiling. I take her in for a moment.
“You, um, you said you’re Mabel again? I don’t think we’ve actually… Hi, I’m—”
“Calliope FitzGerald. I know,” she says with supreme confidence.
“Oh.” Yeah, I have no earthly idea who this person is.
“Haha, you should see your face! You make such great expressions, and it’s not just because of your eyebrows. Clearly, you don’t remember me, and that’s totally fine. I remember everyone I ever meet. Freaks most people out. I assume no one will remember me, though, so I always reintroduce myself, even if I just saw you yesterday. I’m always like ‘Hi. Mabel again.’ Someone told me once they actually thought my last name was Again since I reintroduced myself to them like that so many times. ‘Hi. Mabel again!’ I must have a completely forgettable face or something. Or maybe a totally lackluster personality?”
Wow, she talks fast.
“Oh, are you really asking me those questions? No, of course not. Your personality seems… great. So, we have met then? I’m sorry to prove your point, but I’m drawing a total blank here.”
“Totally understood!” she chirps pleasantly. “Applause Theater and Nature Camp Summer of ’08?”
“Yeah! I did go there. You did too?”
“Yup. You played Rosie in ‘Really Rosie’ that summer. Me? Stage crew. I made your feather boa from real bird droppings. Feather droppings of course. Not poop.”
“Right! Of course!” Nope, still no recollection. “Well, thank you for doing that. That boa was pretty darn lush, if I remember correctly. A bit spiky in places, though.”
“Yeah, I had to fill it out with Canadian goose feathers, which are a bit pokey. Sorry about that, but duck droppings alone weren’t going to cut it. Feather droppings, of course. Not poop.”
“Right. Thanks for clarifying that. Twice.”
“So, how’ve you been since middle school, girl? You successful? Of course you’re successful. I always knew you’d be successful.”
“That’s, um… really sweet, Mabel. Thanks. I’m getting there, I guess? Just started a new job interning here under Dr. Knowles, which I’m really—”
“Oooooooh.”
Did she just shudder? This girl is… interesting, that’s for sure.
I continue, “Yeah, I’m really excited. Dr. Knowles is amazing. I feel really lucky to be—”