“You’re not wrong. But I would like three days at least to get used to this. I’ve heard the stories from Beau, and it took him a while to adjust to it.”
“Not every medium-and-anchor pairing just bounces back to work afterwards, I grant you. I think you’re being sensible about this. Alright, let me confer with Falisa, Ken, and their super and see what they say about giving you time to bond. I think it’ll be fine.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“Sit tight. And for the love of God, don’t tempt fate by going into that building again until you’ve got proper backup.”
I looked up at the building in question, saw the broken glass still sprayed out over the ground and hanging from the tops of the window frames, and answered truthfully, “I’m not even remotely tempted, trust me.”
Hanging up, I let the phone rest in my lap and went back to watching Brandon. Without any other immediate distraction, my mind instantly leapt to what it really wanted to think about: him. Brandon and his amazing offer.
I’d honestly thought being down here, seeing where I was from, would change his mind. I had more than a bit of baggage to carry with me, and it had turned more than one man off. It also meant more work than he’d initially signed up for. It would make anyone think twice.
After nearly three months together, I knew that Brandon wouldn’t abandon me mid-case, he had too much integrity for that. He just wasn’t that kind of man. But part of me had feared that when the cases were done, he’d ask to separate. A part of me was always afraid of that, because who wanted this much work and demand on them? Instead, he’d done the exact opposite—given me firm evidence that he wanted a future together.
Was I giddy? Euphoric, even. And nervous, and determined, and a few hundred other emotions. This man had seen me and my roots and still found me desirable. I was not stupid enough to turn him down just because I had lingering insecurities trying to rear their heads.
But the question of it all was, how did I bind him to me?
14
It took many, many phone calls to get things settled enough for us to be able to quit for the night. Absolutely no one was happy about tonight’s events. Falisa and Ken handled talking to people while I went to urgent care and got the cut looked at. It hadn’t needed stitches, but they did pull a tiny glass shard out and bandage it up for me. It was very late by the time we got things sorted enough to retreat to the hotel. Or I should say, very early. I might have heard birdsong as we tumbled into the bed. Exhausted by the day’s events, I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.
I woke up because the sun hit me directly in the face. Squinting, I rolled over, hand automatically searching for Mack and coming up empty. Was he up already? I opened my eyes properly, looking about the room for him. With only the en suite bathroom attached, and the single room not all that big, it wasn’t hard to find him.
He sat at the end of the bed, legs tucked up in front of him, chin on his knees. A slight furrow dug between his eyes and his focus was intense, as if he were puzzling something out, only it didn’t quite add up for him. Even after he realized I was looking back at him, that expression didn’t waver as he looked at me, but I had no idea why.
“Mack?”
“All this time, I don’t think I understood my own heart,” he said without any segue, as if I’d know what he meant automatically. “I was worried about a lot of things, but I realized last night those things were camouflage. They weren’t what I was really worried about.”
I had a feeling I needed caffeine for this conversation. Still, I sat up and rubbed the grit from my eyes, trying to get my head in the game. I suspected he hadn’t really slept, too wrapped up in his own head. “Honey, back up. Walk me through this from the beginning.”
“It’s something I’ve gradually realized over the past several days. You asking me to bond with you yesterday just cemented it for me. I’ve never had a man want me on my own merits before,” he whispered, staring at the bunched-up sheets. “To my father, I was an annoyance. Even with Beau, I was an obligation.”
Beau loved him like a son, I knew that, but I had a feeling Mack was leading up to something. I kept my mouth shut and listened.
“My brothers were never comfortable with me. It got worse when I realized I was gay. Even with the two lovers I had before you, I wasn’t what they wanted. I’ve always had to prove I was enough. I’ve had to earn that affection. But I didn’t with you.” Mack’s head came up, his expression bewildered. “Not for a second did I have to do that. It’s why it doesn’t feel real to me, I think.”
Pieces started to fall into place. The reason why Mack didn’t want help from me? Because he was trying to prove he could pull his own weight. To prove himself as my equal. The confused looks I sometimes got from him, the way he’d stop and study me sometimes, as if he didn’t understand me at all—the root of all of that was this. He honestly believed he had to do something to deserve me.
“Mack, you’re the world to me.” I didn’t know how to else to phrase it, how to get him to believe me.
“I know.” A small smile graced his mouth, lightening his expression. “When you asked me to properly bond yesterday, I understood it then. I still don’t get why. I still don’t know what I did to earn you.”
“You walked into the room. It’s all you needed to do.”
His smile grew, joy lighting him up from within like a second sun rising. “I’ve been up most of the night, staring at you and trying to figure it out. But really, I don’t need to. All you say and do tells me everything I am to you. Which is, in a word, everything. Part of me was afraid I’d never be able to match your emotions, to return what you’ve given me. But what I realized last night is it was the fear keeping me back. Really, I’ve known for a while how I feel about you. Brandon Havili, I love you.”
For a second, I was sure I hadn’t understood him. When it sank in, that he had said the words I had been dying to hear, I scrambled the two feet separating us and snatched him up, hugging him hard. He embraced me just as fiercely.
“God, Mack, I love you. I’ve been dying to say it and afraid of pushing you.”
“Say it,” he encouraged me, the words muffled against my shoulder. “Say it often. I plan to. And Brandon, one more thing.”
I felt like he was on a good roll so I said, “What, love?”
“Oooh, definitely call me that more often. But don’t sidetrack me. I want to bond to you today.”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation, without even needing to think about it.
Mack laughed, squeezing me for a moment. “I didn’t expect any other answer. Go shower, then let’s do it.”
I wasn’t entirely convinced I was free of glass shards, despite my hasty cleanup last night, so a shower was probably a good idea. But the way he’d said it made me think he had a naughty game plan in mind. Especially since his hair was a little damp, obviously freshly washed. “You’ve already planned out exactly how to do this, haven’t you?”
“Well of course, mon cher,” he purred at me. “So shower quick.”
I swear in the course of my life, I’d never showered quicker. I was in and out in three minutes flat, barely dry and in loose shorts as I came out. Mack had straightened out the bed sheets while I was in there, and he gave me an approving nod as I exited the bathroom.