But the next morning, Irina was called into Anderson’s office.
We knew that Irina was called into his office. We knew that when she came out she rushed into the ladies’ and stayed a good long while. And we knew that after she left the restroom, she went home early, complaining of a stomachache.
Helen O’Brien, Anderson’s secretary, filled us in on the rest.
“He told her the Agency needs to maintain the highest reputation, and she replied Yes, of course. Something about decorum in the office and at home. And she was like, Yes, I agree. He went on to say there’d been rumors of personal misconduct. And then there was a long pause. She asked if it was about her and said as far as she knew, she carried herself according to the highest Agency standards. And he was like, Look—people are saying you might be a little funny, you know, in that way. And if it’s true, that’s a liability for us. She denied it up and down. And I think she may have started crying, but I couldn’t be sure through the door. He told her he was glad to hear it, and that he hopes the rumor doesn’t come back to his desk like it did with another woman he had to fire the other day. She asked who it was, and he waited a few seconds. Then he said it: Sally.”
Irina didn’t come in to the office for the rest of the week, and we never got a chance to ask her what was happening. That Saturday, she boarded a plane bound for Brussels and the World’s Fair.
The following Monday, Teddy didn’t come into the office either. Nor did he come in the rest of that week.
We met up for happy hour at Martin’s to discuss.
“Maybe he went to Brussels to win Irina back?” Kathy suggested.
Norma held up an oyster twice as big as the others. She inspected it a second and tipped it back. “You old romantic,” she said. “I heard he’s locked himself in his apartment and refuses to get dressed or answer the door.”
“Where’d you hear that?” Judy asked.
“Reliable source.”
“I’m pretty sure he’s just on assignment,” Linda said, stabbing at an olive in her martini glass with an oyster fork.
“You’re no fun,” Norma said. She waved the waitress over and asked for another martini. “She needs another too,” she said, pointing at Linda.
Linda didn’t protest. “Or maybe he defected. Maybe it wasn’t just his heart Irina broke.”
“Now that’s the spirit!” Norma said.
“Or maybe he’s with Sally,” Linda went on.
“But what about her being,” Kathy lowered her voice, “you know?”
“But the timing makes sense. First Sally leaving, then Irina leaving.” The waitress came and placed our martinis in front of us. “Maybe instead of Sally and Henry, Sally and Teddy were having an affair this whole time, and when Irina found out…”
Norma pulled Linda’s drink away from her. “Now I think you’ve had too many.”
* * *
—
We never did find out what Teddy was doing the week he didn’t come in to work, but we do know that the day he did come in, he approached Henry Rennet from behind as Henry stood in the lunch line waiting for chicken-fried steaks and instant mashed potatoes. Teddy tapped him on the shoulder and he turned. Without a word, Teddy punched his friend in the face. Henry tottered for a second, then fell. His green plastic tray hit the floor first, scattering the scoop of yellow corn he’d been served. His body followed, making contact face-first with the fallen corn and the black-and-white-tiled floor.
Teddy stepped over Henry, kicked his tray across the cafeteria floor, walked to the ice dispenser, got a fistful of ice, and left.
Judy was exiting the line with a cup of chicken soup when she heard Henry’s face hit the floor, like the thump of raw meat on a marble countertop. It took her a moment to realize that the two white Chiclets that had scattered across the floor and come to a stop just inches from her patent-leather kitten heels were actually Henry’s front teeth. The woman next to her screamed, but Judy just sensibly bent down and collected the teeth, putting them in her cardigan pocket. “Just in case they could put ’em back in,” she told us when recounting the story.
Those who hadn’t seen or heard Teddy’s fist connect with Henry’s mouth thought Henry had fainted. “Get a doctor!” someone yelled. Henry sat up, dazed, as Doc Turner—not a real doctor, but an elderly cafeteria chef with a perpetually half-smoked cigarette hanging out of his mouth—emerged from the kitchen holding a frozen steak. “Here you go, buddy,” he said, handing it to Henry.
Henry’s mouth dripped red down the front of his white shirt. He put the steak to one eye, then the other, then his nose. It wasn’t until he tasted something metallic that he realized his two front teeth were gone. His tongue explored the new hole.
Doc Turner helped Henry to his feet. “Must’ve did someone wrong, huh?”
“Who was it?” Henry asked. He looked at the semicircle of people gathered around.
“I just saw the aftermath,” Doc said.
“Teddy Helms,” Judy said. “It was Teddy.”
Henry wiped a glob of bloody corn from his mouth, cut through the crowd, and walked off.
Norma said she saw Henry leaving Headquarters as she was coming in from a doctor’s appointment. “You could see the imprint of Teddy’s Georgetown class ring right under Henry’s eye,” she snickered. “Couldn’t have done it better myself.”
* * *
—
The next day, we got to work a few minutes early to see what the consequences of the lunchtime brawl would be. “Think he’ll be fired?” Kathy asked.
“Nah, that’s how the boys settle things around here. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dulles encouraged it, even. They’ll be back to normal in no time,” Linda said.
We went to work trying to figure out what had provoked Teddy to send his best friend to the dentist. “Let’s work backwards,” Norma suggested one morning at Ralph’s. “Teddy punched Henry, Irina left Teddy, Sally was fired.”
“What’s the connection?” Linda asked.
“Beats me,” Norma said.
And while Teddy appeared in the office the next day, two Band-Aids wrapped around his knuckles, Henry never returned. Norma did come across a bit of intel about his whereabouts, though. How, we knew better than to ask. But she told more than one of us his location, thinking it might be useful at some point.
Two weeks later, Judy surprised herself when she put her hand into her sweater pocket and found Henry’s teeth instead of the tissue she was expecting.