“I slept with my professor.” My voice was barely audible, the guilt tightening my throat, my airway nearly closing in on me. “My married professor,” I elaborated. Dalton sucked in a breath and his body tensed.
Oh, shit. What have I done? He was going to think I was a terrible person. I had to tell him the rest. He needed to know I hadn’t been aware of Jason’s wife, or…
“I didn’t know he was married.” My words came out in a rush. “He never wore a ring, never talked about her, never let on that he was attached in any way to another woman.” I closed my eyes against the disappointment and disapproval I knew must be written across his face. Would he ever be able to look at me the same after this?
“Start from the beginning,” he said gently, brushing the hair from my face.
I took a deep breath. “Last fall, I took one of his classes. We hit it off instantly. He was funny and charming, and very attractive.”
My stomach churned at how readily I’d lusted after him. He was tall and handsome, young to be a tenured professor, but also incredibly intelligent. He had messy brown hair and bright blue eyes framed by stylish, modern glasses. He had that sexy nerd vibe going for him that I found irresistible. When he’d roll his sleeves up during a lecture, his toned forearms would flex and I’d find myself wondering what he looked like under that perfectly buttoned up dress shirt. He was obviously very fit, but he didn’t show it off. His clothes weren’t too form fitting. He was unassuming, which only added to the allure.
“He asked me to stay after class one day to talk about one of my assignments. I was nervous, thinking I had messed it up and gotten a poor grade. I was pleasantly surprised when he told me how well I’d done.” Dalton’s hold on me tightened, but he remained silent. His tension was palpable, thickening the air around us. It suddenly felt hard to breathe, but I continued as best I could, pushing through the pressure in my chest.
“We struck up a friendship and he continually praised my work. If I got something wrong, he’d offer to go over it with me after class. One afternoon, he asked me to stop by during office hours because he’d left our assignments on his desk. When I finished my last class for the day, I raced across campus to catch him before he left. We started talking about the assignment, and he gave me some pointers on how to improve my work. The conversation flowed easily and before I knew it, we’d been in there nearly two hours. He was sitting in the chair next to me and we were talking like old friends instead of student and teacher. Of course, I had a huge crush on him, so it took me a long time to loosen up, but he eventually put me at ease.”
Looking back, I knew I was an easy target. I fell right into his trap. He knew he made my heart flutter every time he walked into the lecture hall and stood behind the podium. I sat in the front row, just off to the right so I could be closer to him. I watched and listened with rapt attention during every class, and he took notice.
“When he walked me to the door, his hand stalled on the doorknob.” I closed my eyes and wished the next part had never happened. He’d said my name, his voice low and husky. When I looked into his eyes, I could see the desire shining behind his lenses, his blue eyes burning even brighter. Our bodies leaned into each other and he closed the final gap between us. “We kissed,” I said simply. Dalton didn’t need to know the details. He didn’t need to know how Jason had gripped my waist and pressed me against the wall beside the door. He didn’t need to know that he tasted like coffee and French vanilla creamer, or that his hard body pressed against mine had me panting against his lips.
“He apologized and said he shouldn’t have done that because he was my teacher and it wasn’t fair to me.” Little did I know just how right he was about that. “Nothing else happened for a couple weeks, and then he asked if I’d ever consider becoming a teaching assistant for one of his lower level classes. I jumped at the opportunity. He helped me with the application, and I started sitting in on one of his freshman classes shortly after. We spent a lot of time in his office going over lesson plans and grading tests. I was a little disappointed he didn’t try to kiss me again, but by then, I’d signed up for the next semester’s classes and knew I would have him again.” I cringed at how obsessed I became. I wanted to be close to him, and even though there was another teacher who offered the same class, I coveted a spot in his.
“We were there late one night grading tests when he confessed that he wished I’d taken the other teacher’s class instead of his. I couldn’t believe he said that. My feelings were hurt because I felt like we got along great and I really liked him. But then he told me that he’d been counting down the days until he was no longer my teacher because it was a conflict of interest to date me.” I swallowed past the bile rising in my throat. The next part solidified my position as an easily manipulated, naive airhead. I practically tackled him when he said that.
“That was the first time we hooked up.” I looked down, focusing on a thread poking out from the sheet I was playing with to avoid Dalton’s gaze. He cursed under his breath and the sound made tears well in my eyes again.
Jason wanted me and I readily granted his wish. I let him fuck me on his desk, basking in the taboo nature of our tryst. It was exhilarating and a little dangerous. It was after hours and though no one else was there that late, there was still a slight risk of getting caught. If I’d known what the consequences would be, it wouldn’t have been nearly as exciting.
“Our affair continued well into the next semester, and just before finals, it all came crashing down.” I took several deep breaths, needing to fill my lungs with oxygen before spilling the next part. It was by far the worst of it.
“I was sitting in the lecture hall one day while he was reviewing items for our final when the door creaked open and a woman walked in.” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to rid my mind of the memory of her, but it was forever burned into my brain. “She was stunning. Long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, and a designer handbag thrown over her shoulder. She came in smiling from ear to ear. Jason turned to see who’d waltzed in and interrupted his class and froze. ‘Surprise!’ she said and placed a hand on her protruding belly, rubbing it affectionately.”
He dropped his dry erase marker, and to anyone else, it probably looked like he was just surprised and excited to see her, but I knew the truth. He was shitting his pants because his very pregnant wife had just walked into the classroom where his mistress was sitting front and center.
“It took me a moment to figure out what was going on. But when she stepped up to him and he pulled her in for a kiss, my world crumbled.” Oohs and ahhs echoed through the room, but I felt like I was going to throw up. “I was devastated, so I grabbed my things and bolted. That move raised suspicion among some of my classmates, or maybe it solidified it. The next week I was having a meeting with the dean to discuss my future at the university.”
“Wait a minute,” Dalton said, raising up onto his elbow and staring down at me. “Why would your future at the university be called into question?”
“Because I had a sexual relationship with a professor,” I responded slowly, confused by his question. Student-professor relationships were strictly forbidden, and I’d broken the rules.