I am the slave of what I have spoken, but the master of what I conceal.
“Why are we doing this?” I murmur.
“Because we can?”
Because we can? That’s so intriguing about Cole’s character. Does he always do things just because he can?
Is he one of the people who like watching the world burn?
“Salut.” Ronan’s voice cuts into my bubble. I take a breath before I look up.
Nothing would’ve prepared me for the scene in front of me.
Ronan has Silver glued to him by the shoulder as she stares up at him with dreamy bloody eyes.
Silver with her blonde hair and provocative beauty — the type Ronan has gravitated towards in the past.
What the…
“So, Captain, Teal.” Ronan grins at us. “Silver and I were going to drink and smoke and fuck. Who wants to join?”
“Yes, join us. Teal?” She stares at me, her eyes screaming, You broke a code.
Silver and I aren’t friends or even close, but we have an arrangement. Why is she doing this now?
I didn’t break the code. She did.
Cole remains still, flicking his gaze at them then back at his book. “Teal and I have a book to read.”
Sure, I can go on with Cole. If I really want to spite Ronan, I can grab Cole and kiss him and then see all hell break loose, but I can’t fake things like that.
I can’t stare at him in the eyes and pretend he’s someone else.
Or wait…maybe I can.
It’s pretence, after all. An eye for an eye.
I’m a firm believer in justice. He started this whole mess, and he keeps making it worse.
I throw one last glance at Silver’s French-manicured nails toying with Ronan’s tie and then place my palm on Cole’s cheek, making him face me. “We can do something more fun than reading.”
Something flashes in his eyes, something like sadism. It vanishes as soon as it appears. Before I can take the next step, a strong hand wraps around my arm, and I gasp as he hauls me to my feet.
Ronan stares down at me with raging eyes on the verge of breaking hell and all of its friends loose. “What the fuck — and I mean, what in the actual fuck — do you think you’re doing?”
“I told you.” My voice is calm. Too calm. “I might let you do things to me, but disrespect me not. I am not your damn toy.”
I push at his chest and storm out of the garden, my chest heaving and my heart nearly bursting out.
As I arrive at the car park, I place a hand on my chest, willing it to stop beating this hard, this fast.
What the hell is wrong with you, heart? Why are you coming back to life?
And for who? A fucking gigolo? Couldn’t it be someone, I don’t know, more available?
Someone trips into me from behind and I yelp, my lungs constricting. The person apologises and moves along.
I slump against one of the cars, holding a hand to my heart, and I realise I just wished it was Ronan who bumped into me. When it wasn’t, my heart might have died a little.
“What do you think you’re doing, Teal? If you want the bitch façade, that’s what you’ll get.” Silver’s voice cuts into my thoughts.
She walks like a model to face me, her arms folded and her face full of malice. I wonder if that’s what I would look like if I had the ability to show emotions.
I mirror her stance, widening my legs and crossing my arms. “Funny, because I thought the show back there was you being a bitch.”
“You’ve seen nothing, Teal. Don’t make me show you.”
“Do you honestly think I’m scared of you? If you stab, I’ll stab right back.”
She attacks then. Her hand shoots up and she pulls me by the hair, nearly ripping it from its root.
I do the same.
We’re clutching each other by the hair, but instead of feeling the pain, all we offer each other are glares.
“We had an arrangement,” she manages to mutter.
“And you ruined it.”
“Oh, I did? Are you hearing yourself?”
“I told you at the club I’d stay out of your way as long as you stayed out of mine, and what did you do? You were running your claws all over my fiancé. My —”
I cut myself off before I say more, before I admit that seeing her with him has put me entirely off balance, that I might’ve even felt small in comparison, that maybe she fits him more than I’ll ever do. Silver is the daughter of Sebastian Queens, the most probable future prime minister. Her mother is a member of parliament who’s a smart, beautiful and eloquent. Even her stepmother, Cole’s mother, is a bestselling, genius author who’s known for her intelligent storytelling. Silver is the epitome of everything an earl’s son should be with. Her outfits are always pristine, she smells of Chanel and is a social media goddess with picturesque family and life. She even plays the fucking piano.
I never feel small. I don’t allow myself to.
What on earth is Ronan Astor doing to me?
“You were there first.” She grunts. “I’m not a nice person, Teal. Don’t test me.”
“I’m not a nice person either.”
We glare at each other for long seconds, and then we release each other at the same time.
“Stay away, and I will,” she warns, putting her hair back in place with utter elegance that resembles Charlotte’s. While Ronan’s mother is soft, Silver is all rugged edges and plays the bitch role all too well.
Elsa and Kim already categorise her as such. In fact, the entire school considers her queen bee. After seeing her at the club, it’s hard for me to look at her from that perspective.
“I thought you didn’t like him.” I study my black nails. “It seemed that way at the club.”
Her cheeks redden. “Shut up.”
“I’m only saying it as I see it, Silver.”
“Oh, you want me to say it as I see it, too?” She straightens, and since she’s taller, she uses every inch to look down at me. “You’re afraid of Ronan, Teal.”
“Me, afraid?” I scoff.
“Yes. You know he can barge through the whole goth and satanic exterior and see the real girl inside, and you don’t want that, so you picked up the defence and decided to protect your walls. But you know what? You can’t protect your walls and claim him at the same time. One of these days, you’ll have to choose.” She flips her hair. “But what do I know, right?”
I continue staring at Silver’s back as she heads to her car.
Her words swirl in my mind, but their impact is a lot worse than she aimed for. She wanted to make me feel guilty so I’d go to Ronan and leave her plan alone, but a different realisation hits me.
I realise I am feeling after my vow not to ever feel again.
And I realise I need to get rid of these feelings.
Only one way to go about this.
19
Ronan
That night, I mope around at the Meet Up.
Okay, maybe mope around is the wrong word. I’m sulking like a whore without clients.
And who gets to witness my misery? The three other fuckers I don’t want near me right now.
Xander just returned from rehab and is grinning like a fucking idiot with those dimples someone should get rid of to give the world some peace. What’s so special about them anyway? They’re like holes in his cheeks. I’ve always thought they’re overrated with the ladies.