Yeah, okay. Everyone is aware of my increased showering lately. Can you blame me though? I got two doors separating me from a girl I can’t get out of my head, or line of vision. A girl with a name—finally. An extra shower, or two, is the least of my worries right now.
“Her name’s Angela,” I say just to be a dick, slamming the door shut.
“What?” I hear Beck roar seconds before something hits the door from the other side making me grin as I start the water.
He’d really lose his shit if he knew I found out where she works, too, although I think I’ll keep that little tidbit to myself for a while longer. I might have some fun with that knowledge. I still can’t believe we never noticed her work shirts before now. It just goes to show that with the girl next door, there’s so much more than just checking out her tits. I’m no saint, I looked, but that’s not what I’m about. I could name five characteristics of Angela’s that have nothing to do with her looks and I’ve only had one, albeit difficult, semi-conversation with the girl.
And even though Beck may think Angela looks good, he doesn’t feel it like I do. I saw something in her that first day even through my helmet visor. Something bigger than even Beck’s gigantic ass was at play and has been every day since. I had an overwhelming urge, this need to go to her. To help her, to be there for her, in any way possible.
The way she held herself so strong and determined, yet still looked about like pain was lurking around every corner. I want to know why. How. I want to know who could hurt someone that much to leave a person suspicious of their own shadow. I want to be the one to show her she doesn’t have to be. That there are people worth letting in. People worth trusting. The problem is getting there. Angela isn’t having it. At. All. Her and her slippery evasion tactics are proving more challenging than I’d anticipated. Whatever has her constantly checking over her shoulder is keeping her from seeing what’s right in front of her. And that just won’t work. Not when I’m the one standing there, waiting to be taken seriously.
The spicy body wash fills my palm and my nostrils as I think over the few words Angela spoke downstairs. She did say she’d remember me if she saw me before. Maybe that means she sees me now. And maybe, just maybe, she likes what she sees. That idea has me cranking the water to cold real quick.
I am so fucked.
* * *
A couple days later a call comes in on my way home from work. Noticing it’s my mom, I pull off into a near-dead shopping center to answer. New businesses have a hard time staying open long-term around the area. People love the novelty in green stores making them an instant success, then move onto the next fresh idea leaving the juvenile companies to crumble. Quickly. Sadly, this entire plaza was no exception.
“Hey, Mom. What’s going on?”
“Did I catch you at a bad time?”
I’m just sitting in a pan of hot asphalt frying like a piece of bacon from this insane early summer heat without so much as a puff of wind in sight.
“Perfect timing. What’s up?”
I spend the next few minutes listening to her ramble on about the exciting events in her life such as the local grocery store now carrying both types of cherries instead of just the early batches of Rainiers, and which neighbor got their mailbox knocked down by some wily teenagers this week.
“That’s unbelievable,” I finally chime in, unable to hold back my cynicism any longer.
“Well, Janice two blocks over, the one that has that gaudy flag pole in her yard, swears she saw a car full of teeny-boppers speeding off while she was letting her dog out. I’m just glad it wasn’t ours.”
“No, I can’t believe kids are still doing that. Don’t they have Netflix or something?” Social media? Anything? I’m glad I found something early on that kept me out of trouble. Mostly. Riding dirt bikes may not be the safest sport but it occupied me enough that I never did stupid shit like terrorize unsuspecting mailboxes. That’s pretty damn lame, even for this boring town.
Acting like I didn’t even speak, she says, “Anyway, what’s new with you?”
I try to fill her in on the bits of my life that have changed but nothing really surfaces as interesting making her cheerful enthusiasm seem that much more newsworthy. Maybe I’ll check our neighborhood store after this to see if everyone else got the highly coveted fruit yet. If I really wanted to, I could ask Marc to pick some up from his family’s farm but that’s always a risky chance to take. I don’t wish that stress on anybody.
“We got a new neighbor.”
“Did Gary finally pass?”
“What? No.” I sit up straighter, stretching my back. “He’s not that old.” I don’t think. “Directly across the hall from us.”
“In that tiny little box they try to pass off as an apartment?”
I nod even though she can’t see. “That’s the one.”
“I can only imagine what kind of person would willingly pay to live in that crack in the wall.”
Oh, I can imagine her just fine. It’s actually one of my new favorite hobbies. Picturing Angela walking around, possibly barefoot, hot from the windows we’ve noticed she keeps open, snacking while watching her favorite series, laughing. I’d give anything to hear her real laugh. So far, the only noises we’ve heard from next door have been the songs she listens to on repeat. Loudly. It’s downright comical considering the first time we met was because she was upset about our music. I’ll crank that shit every night if it gets her to come over again. Wearing her sleep clothes. Ready to hand me my own ass.
My smile spreads. Tonight can’t come soon enough.
“She’s actually nice.” Nice? Is she nice? Okay, so that’s yet to be determined but a little hopeful thinking never hurt anyone.
“She? Well, she must be young then. Is she a student? Maybe your father knows her.”
All the good energy swirling around, warming my insides to match my overheated outsides, stops. Dead cold. Twisting into a tight knot stationed at the bottom of my stomach.
“He doesn’t,” I snarl more aggressively than I’d intended. Beck said she went next door which is a high school. Not a university. With professors that…
“Coty, really,” she huffs. “I didn’t mean anything by it. I just know a lot of his students are struggling artists and that pit is just the place a broke writer could find some inspiration in. Poets need to suffer and all that.” I can hear her eye roll.
“Is that what he tells them?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I scoff, folding one arm under the other. “You know exactly what I mean. Dad is a-”
“He’s a wonderful teacher that is held in high regard. Now that’s enough. I wouldn’t want anything to tarnish the reputation he’s worked so hard to achieve.”
What a joke. His reputation’s been formed by his own hands all right. And then some.
“Whatever.” Same conversation, different day. Same denial, different approach. Usually she leaves her head in the sand a little longer. Lets the truth circle her like the starving vulture she knows it is. Once it finally reaches her, it’ll only find an empty shell of deprivation though. She knows. She’s always known. It’s just a ruse she uses to keep her life together. Precariously, but together nonetheless. I’ve never been married so I can’t begin to understand what goes through her mind but I am a man. A decent man with a moral compass that points straighter than my father’s, if he even has one at all anymore. Maybe he never did.