Gemma: No. You?
Katie: Nope.
The last time I saw Tyler Blackwood was twelve years ago. I was crushed when he left town after we spent three months together. It was the most amazing summer of my life, and then he broke my heart. I was in love with him, had given him my virginity, and was ready to spend the rest of my life with him.
But I wasn’t enough to make him stay.
I knew he was only staying temporarily and had planned to move, but I had hoped he would stay for me. The day he left was the last time I heard from him.
Brokenhearted doesn’t even brush the surface of how I felt for months after. Katie and Everleigh picked me up off the floor and forced me to move on. Being his sister, Everleigh was just as sad to see him go. The letters he sent me while he was in the Army were all I had left of him.
When he kissed me for the first time, I swear my heart stopped. As corny as it sounds, I’d fallen in love with him long before that kiss. After years of getting to know him, spilling my deepest and darkest secrets, and complaining about boys and school, he went from being a brotherly figure to someone I connected with on a level I never knew existed.
We hadn’t seen each other in years or even talked on the phone, but those letters changed me.
I still have them stuffed in a shoebox in the back of my closet. Though I should just throw them away because I’m engaged, but I can’t. Those letters are a part of my past, and at times, when I’m down and get drunk on wine, I pull them out and re-read my favorites.
It’s self-sabotage, but I’ve only done it a few times. When I’m feeling uncertain about my future or want to reminisce about the past, I’ll dig them out. The tears usually come so fast I can’t even read the words on the paper.
My moments of weakness would happen when Tyler was on my mind and heart. I really believed he’d never return. The night I learned he’d been sentenced to five years in prison, I knew the prospect of seeing him again was slim to none. I’d always held a sliver of hope, but by then, I realized I needed to move on, so I did. I honestly figured after serving his time, he’d go back to Vegas and continue living his life in Nevada. But Everleigh mentioned a month ago he was moving home, and my stupid girl brain got anxious all over again about seeing him. I felt like a teenager again.
Katie: Think it’ll be weird when you do?
Gemma: Probably a little, but hopefully I won’t run into him that much anyway.
Katie: Well, if he’s going to live at Everleigh’s for a while, you might. Plus, he’ll be around town. It’s not like we live in NYC.
Gemma: It’ll be fine. It’s been years, and I’m engaged now. No reason it has to be awkward.
My words are more for me than her, but they’re true. They both remember how stupid in love with him I was and how broken I was after he left.
Walking inside the café, I smile at Angela who’s behind the counter. Since I’m a regular, she asks me if I want my usual, and I give her a nod. A few minutes later, she hands me my vanilla chai latte and cinnamon loaf.
“See you tomorrow.” I wave as I head toward the door. Angela smiles and tells me goodbye.
A gentleman opens it before I can, and my heart stops. At first glance, I thought it could’ve been Tyler, but it wasn’t. He keeps it open for me, and I thank him as I exit.
Great. Now every time I see a tall, good-looking man, I’m going to think it’s him.
I’m fucking doomed.
Dear Gemma,
I hate that I can hear you crying in my head even though I’m thousands of miles away. A boy should never make you cry, and one who does isn’t worth your time. Derrick is an idiot for breaking up with you. You know that, right? He’s not worthy of you.
And before you think it… No, I’m not just saying that. I really mean it.
Derrick’s lucky I’m far away right now and can’t kick his needle-dick ass to the next county.
But for real, I’m sorry you got your heart broken. I know it can be hard, especially the first time, and you’re probably thinking there’s something wrong with you or that you aren’t good enough, but it’s not true. I might not have relationship experience, but I practically raised Everleigh until the day I left for boot camp and know how you teen girls think.
The pain will eventually go away, and soon, you’ll wonder what you ever saw in him. Time heals all wounds, Gemma. Don’t give this boy your tears. He doesn’t deserve them.
* * *
I’ve re-read that letter so much after he left that even after all this time, I still have it memorized.
There’s so much irony in the words he wrote to cheer me up. The lie that time would heal all wounds when I spent years shedding so many tears for him.
Tyler and I weren’t “friends” growing up. His and Everleigh’s childhood was a fucked-up, sad situation. Given what they went through, they avoided being like their drunk mother and deadbeat dad at all costs. Well, except Tyler getting mixed up in some shit with some terrible people. I really don’t know the whole story, but from what Everleigh said, he was framed and then sent to prison because of it.
After he enlisted, Everleigh moved in with her grandparents, but Katie and I continued to have sleepovers with the three of us, and we all grew even closer. Since talking about Tyler upset her, she found ways to deal with missing him by writing to him. That gave me the idea to do the same. I figured he could use the company and distraction from whatever he was going through, but I honestly never expected him to write back. Receiving his letters was the highlight of my teenage life. We wrote to each other several times a month for four years, and every letter was like having a piece of him no one else had.
The worst part was that I waited for him after he left me. I waited years.
I went on several first dates, but nothing ever came of them because my heart was still hung up on him. I was naïve to think he would come back for me. It wasn’t until two years ago when I met Robert that I actually felt like I could give myself to another man.
Robert’s a wealthy businessman who owns his own development and realtor company. He’s fifteen years older with life experience. He wants children and is eager for us to start our lives together. The man isn’t afraid to show me how he feels and has never played games like most guys my age do. Robert has always been open and straightforward about his feelings for me. When he compliments me, I know without a doubt he means it.
After six months of dating, he proposed, and it felt like the pieces of my heart had finally glued back together. I wanted to be happy. I deserved it, and Robert wanted to give me the world.
I accepted, and soon, I’ll be Mrs. Robert Hawkley. I honestly can’t wait to see him later.
The following day starts out the same. After visiting Robert last night, I came home and passed out.
Mrs. Wright arrives with the morning pastries and just as she’s walking out, I hear her thank the man who’s holding the door open. I look up and see him.
No. It can’t be.
Blinking, I shake my head to clear my vision. He walks toward me with an intense expression on his face, and I know I’m not seeing things. It’s really him.