I hike her legs up, pressing her knees to her chest, and I plunge deeper, harder, faster.
“Oh my God, yes,” she whimpers.
Callie comes, crying out as the waves of pleasure rack her body, and I follow, holding her close as we go under. We become one, moaning and gasping, completely lost in the moment, lost in each other. I kiss her mad, and I can’t tell if it’s her tears or mine soaking our skin. Maybe it’s both.
And the remaining pieces of my heart splinter off and wash away with the flood.
Twenty-Nine
Callie
My body jolts awake.
My hands are frantic as they reach out across the sheets for fear he isn’t here, that it was all just a dream.
But Cole’s warm, smooth skin is at my fingertips, a mere breath away.
“You want more already?” he grunts, his voice hoarse from sleep. “You’re insatiable, woman.”
I smile. “Just checking to make sure you’re still here.”
“Told you I’m not going anywhere.” He pulls me into him, and our legs interlock. “Is that what has you up so early?”
I hum as his feather-light fingertips trail down my back, leaving goosebumps in their wake. His presence comforts me, as do his words, but the questions still swarm my mind, anxiety circling like a shark who smells blood in the water.
What does this mean for us?
Am I moving too quickly?
Does he regret this?
When will he open up about his past?
Will he ever let me all the way in?
I don’t want to be that woman who asks a man to define their relationship after one night together, yet I can’t help but wonder.
“My head is spinning. Last night ... last night was ...”
“I know, Callie. I know.”
“You felt it too?”
“I was right there with you.” His lips brush against my forehead. “Still am.”
I gaze into his steel eyes. “This doesn’t feel real. Three months ago, I was living a different life.”
“I’m so glad you’re not in that life anymore.”
I prop myself up onto my elbow. “What was your old life like? Back in New York, before everything went bad.”
I feel him start to slink back inside himself, signaling for the guards to raise the drawbridge, preventing me from finding a way to reach him.
“It doesn’t matter.”
I press my palm to his chest, over his heart, as if I could reach in and cradle it in my hand like an injured bird. “It does matter, Cole. It’s a part of you. I want to know you.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t want to know that.”
“What are you so afraid of? Why won’t you just tell me?”
His thumb skates over my cheek, my jaw, my lips. “Don’t you see, Callie? It’s you who should be afraid. I’m not this wonderful man you think I am. I keep trying to tell you, but you won’t listen.”
“I won’t listen to you because you’re wrong.” I swing my leg over him, straddling his waist until I’m hovering above him, my hair falling around his face so that I’m the only thing he can see. “Whatever you’ve done in your life, whatever mistakes you’ve made, it has led you to this very moment. It has turned you into the man I know.”
I take his hand and place his palm to my cheek. “You’re the man who sees me. Who hears me. Who believes in me.”
I take his other hand and flatten it over my heartbeat. “You’re the man who makes me feel.”
I roll my hips against his hardening length. “You make me want.”
Grief and anguish twist his features, mixing with adoration and desire emanating from his eyes. “You make me feel like I deserve a second chance,” he whispers.
“You do. We all do. Even the worst of us. If you’re truly sorry, and you want to make things right, then you can have that second chance.”
His hand moves from my face to the back of my neck, and he draws me down to him, kissing me softly. “What if I can’t make things right? What if I don’t get a do-over after what I did?”
Dread tightens my stomach as I try to make sense of what that might mean.
“I didn’t mean to, Callie. I didn’t fucking mean for it to happen. But the responsibility was mine. The blame lies with me.”
I pepper his beautiful face with kisses, desperate to heal him in any way I can. “If you didn’t mean to, then it was an accident. And accidents happen, even the most tragic ones. You can’t banish yourself to a life of misery and isolation. Whoever you hurt wouldn’t want that for you.”
A lone tear slides down over the contours of his face, dropping onto the pillow. “All she wanted was me. I let her down.”
She.
Penny, his ex-wife?
Someone else?
A child?
“Who, Cole? Who did you let down?”
His eyes squeeze shut as he brings our foreheads together, and he whispers the softest sound. “My daughter.”
I choke back a gasp, trying to keep the horror from flashing across my face. I don’t press him for more. I won’t. He’s already given me more than he can handle.
Instead, I wrap my arms around him, burying my face in the crook of his neck, suctioning our bodies together. I hold onto him as tightly as I can, showing him that I’m here, I’m staying. That I’ll hold all of his broken pieces and put him back together.
If only he’ll let me.
The following weeks all mesh together.
Long days on my feet in the diner, making sure everything’s running smoothly.
Evenings at Gertie’s, making sure she’s taking her medications and eating the healthy foods I’ve been cooking for her.
Nights spent tangled in the sheets with Cole.
I’m exhausted, running on fumes from the lack of sleep. But I wouldn’t trade these nights for the world.
Each night, I arrive at the pool house, our clothes come off, and we’re reaching for each other. I wonder if it’ll always be this way with Cole, and why it wasn’t this way with anyone before him.
Maybe it’s because I’m finally the person I want to be. I say what I feel, I do what makes me happy, and I’m surrounded by loving and supportive people.
I no longer live in fear.
I’m free.
The sadness of not being able to have a family of my own will always lurk in the dark corners of my mind. There will always be days when I’ll see a woman and her baby and yearn for what I’ll never have. There’ll always be nights I cry into my pillow after playing with Josie’s kids. Birthdays, and holidays, and gatherings of any kind will serve as reminders.
I may never be a mother, and I need to learn how to accept that.
Everyone’s waiting for me when I walk into Josie’s house.
Brandon and Miles jump on me when I enter the living room.
“Callie, you’re on my team with Dad.” Brandon takes my hand and drags me toward the couch.
I lift an eyebrow at Cole, who’s grinning at me from the recliner. “The Luciano siblings on the same team? That doesn’t sound very fair to me.”
Dan chuckles. “I’m an expert at Pictionary. You’re in good hands on my team.”