Callie swallows a sob and strokes my jaw as if she’s coaxing me to continue, comforting me as I get closer to the end of my story.
“Having a newborn was exhausting. I’d work all day, long hours. Penny’s father was my boss, and I knew he didn’t approve of me. I didn’t come from money, so I felt like I had a lot to prove. But I still wanted to help Penny with the nighttime feedings. That was my favorite time with Mia. We’d sit in the rocking chair while she drank her bottle, and I’d sing to her. Same song my mother sang to me as a child. It was a special time, no matter how tired I was.”
My chin drops, sorrow gripping my throat. “Mia was underweight, so we had a strict feeding schedule mapped out from the doctor. We’d set our alarms and take turns throughout the night. It was my turn. I was supposed to get up with her that night. I was so tired when my alarm went off. I remember shutting it off, but I don’t know what happened after that. I must’ve fallen back to sleep. Mia wasn’t crying. And then the next thing I knew, Penny was screaming for me.”
My body shudders, and I squeeze Callie’s hand. “It was SIDS. Happens to infants, and no one knows why. The doctor said she didn’t suffer, that she went peacefully in her sleep. He said there was nothing we could’ve done to prevent it, but I can’t help thinking that it wouldn’t have happened if I would’ve gotten up when I was supposed to. Maybe I could’ve stopped it.”
Callie shakes her head furiously. “No, Cole. You don’t know that. You can’t beat yourself up for what might’ve been if you did this or if you did that. I know what it’s like to blame yourself for the loss of your child. I might never have held my babies in my arms, but I’ve still lost them. I’ve beaten myself up thinking there was something I did that caused it. But that’s not reality.”
She smooths her palm down my cheek. “I’m so sorry that you lost your baby girl. I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like for you and Penny. I wish I could take your pain away.”
I smile, blinking through my watery vision. “You do take my pain away. You make it better. You make me better.” I tip her chin up and press my lips against hers. “You’re my angel. My second chance. The hope I stopped believing existed.”
I kiss her again. “I visited Mia’s grave when I went to New York. I needed to feel close to her. To remember her. I think I felt that having another baby would somehow replace her, and that scared me. But I realized something. The scar from losing Mia will always be there, just like the scars from your surgery will always be on your skin. But that doesn’t mean I won’t ever heal. I can heal and take Mia’s memory with me. At the same time. You healed me, Callie. You … and this baby growing inside of you.”
She buries her face in my shirt, muffling her cries, and I wrap my arms around her, holding us both together with our love.
With our hope.
Callie sniffles. “What if we lose this baby, Cole? What if the same thing keeps happening to me, and my body just can’t do it?”
“Then we’ll apply for adoption.”
She jerks back to look up at me. “What?”
I nod, caressing her beautiful face. “I want to have a family with you, even if our children don’t have our DNA. They’ll have our love, and that’s the most important thing.”
Another sob bursts from her throat, and she flings her arms around my neck. “I love you so much, Cole.”
I grin. “And I love you.”
My angel.
Forever.
Three Months Later
Thirty-Four
Callie
“We have a new member joining us at group tonight. Ladies, this is Camille.”
A chorus of hellos sound around the circle.
Camille tucks a strand of light-brown hair behind her ear and gives us a tentative smile. “Hi, everyone.”
The bruise under her eye is visible but fading. I’d say she got hit a little over a week ago. The deep-purple marks that line her arms, though … those are fresh.
Melissa gestures to me. “Callie, why don’t you start tonight?”
I nod, understanding why she’s calling on me. “Six months ago today, I left my abusive ex-husband. He’d found a journal I was writing in as an exercise for therapy, and he didn’t like what he read. He put his hands around my neck, and he strangled me. I managed to get away, and I ran out the door. Ran right in front of my neighbor’s truck in my bathrobe.”
I laugh a soft chuckle as I look down at my protruding belly. “It’s funny how life works out. You stay in bad situations for so long, convincing yourself that it’s the right thing to do. You lie to the people you love in order to hide the truth from them, but you hide the truth from yourself too. I don’t know why. I don’t know what makes us think we deserve to be in those messed-up situations. Maybe it’s the way we were raised. Maybe we don’t have enough self-worth. Or maybe we need to go through those tough times in order to get to the good that’s coming.”
I hike a shoulder and look straight into Camille’s eyes. “A wise, old friend once told me: Losing yourself in a relationship is never an option. I lost myself for a long time. But six months ago, I decided it was time to find myself. It wasn’t easy. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. But I did it anyway.”
“How?” Camille’s voice is soft.
Scared.
The way mine used to sound before I found it.
“How did you do it?” she asks.
“I leaned on my friends. I found a job that makes me happy. I kept going to therapy. And I had hope. The most important thing to remember is that you’re not alone, Camille. You have us now. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Janae leans over. “I have room at my house if you need a place to stay.”
Carrie raises her hand. “My job is hiring.”
One by one, women chime in with ways to help our new friend.
And that’s my favorite thing about coming to group. No matter how low you feel, no matter how scary the world seems, these incredible women keep showing up and sharing their love. It’s an incredible reminder of how powerful women can be when we support each other.
We listen to several stories, and when group ends, I pull Jasmine to the side. I’ve been meaning to get together with her, but between doctor’s visits and running the diner, there hasn’t been much time.
“Hey, Jasmine. Do you have a minute?”
She smiles. “Sure. What’s up?”
“Getting hit by a car was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. It’s the day that changed my life forever. I found out that I was pregnant, and it pushed Cole to finally face his demons and start healing.”
I clasp her hand in mine. “And now, the accident is about to change your life too.”
Her eyes bounce between mine. “What are you talking about?”
“The police found the man who hit me based on Cole’s description of his car. He agreed to settle if I dropped the charges, so I’ll be getting a large sum of money. I want to help you, Jasmine. You and your husband. You’ll be able to afford the adoption fee, and you can finally have the baby you’ve always wanted.”