Fucking rich people.
My skin crawls being here, living amongst the fakes and the self-righteous. It’s the reason I left New York, yet here I am, living in a pool house, for God’s sake. My sister has become one of those people.
“Uncle Cole! Uncle Cole! Watch this flip!”
I stop walking across the yard to watch my nephew run and fling himself into the pool.
I tip my chin. “Nice, Miles.”
“Thanks! Callie gave me some pointers, and now my flip is perfect. She gave me a ten!”
And she gave me a headache.
“That’s great.” I jerk my head toward the pool house. “Gonna go shower now.”
Brandon jogs alongside me. “Are you coming over for dinner tonight?”
I hike a noncommittal shoulder. “Don’t know.”
“Please come! Please, Uncle Cole.”
I want to tell him no. I want to tell him I’ll never be a part of his family, of his life, because it’s too painful for me to witness. It makes everything worse, makes me remember, and all I want is to forget.
But I make the mistake of looking into the kid’s eyes, wide and full of hope. The kind of innocence that can only belong to a pure, happy soul. One not desecrated by the vileness of the world.
To add insult to injury, my sister trudges across the lawn with a twin on each hip. Lucas’ ranting about something, tiny fists balled in the air. He’s like a drunk caveman, shouting in two-word demands.
But it’s his sister who has the bile churning in my gut, threatening to spill over. I try to tear my gaze away from her, but I’m a masochist. Her round, brown eyes capture me in an instant, dragging me down into the depths of despair where all my hopes and dreams now float like bodies in the water.
Serenity rests her head of curls on Josie’s shoulder, lips around her thumb, watching me.
I almost puke when her fingers wiggle, waving at me in that wary but curious way she has about her.
How am I supposed to stay here?
How am I supposed to bear this?
I gnash my teeth together and swallow around the lump in my throat.
Just need to get my feet back on the ground.
Then, I’m out of here.
“I’m making Mom’s lasagna tonight,” Josie says. “Kids would love to spend time with their uncle.”
Guilt-trip Josie. That’ll be her new name.
“I’ll see.”
She scoffs. “What else are you doing? You need to eat, Cole.”
“Cole, eat! Cole, eat!”
Serenity giggles at the tiny caveman. The fluttery sound of her laughter is equivalent to a grenade going off in my chest cavity.
“You should teach your kid how to speak in full sentences.”
Josie lifts an eyebrow. “His Uncle Cole can teach him how. Tonight. At dinner.”
“Yeah!” Brandon pumps his fist in the air. “Uncle Cole’s coming to dinner.”
I glare at my sister.
She winks. “And clean yourself up. You look like the landscaper.”
Damn that blond she-devil.
“No!” The scream tears from my mouth, my soul crying out in terror.
I jolt upright, chest heaving, gasping for air.
A nightmare.
It was a nightmare.
If only it were just a nightmare.
I swing my legs out of bed and plant my feet on the cool tile floor, my head dropping between my shoulders. Pressing my fingertips to my temples, I make small circles while I gulp my breaths down.
I knew being here would make the nightmares worse. I expected as much.
Dinner with my sister and her family tonight was another reminder of the life I’ll never have.
The life I almost had.
So close I held it in my hands.
But I took it for granted.
Had to pay the price.
Was my own damn fault.
Pushing off the king-size mattress, I head to the stainless steel fridge and swipe two bottles off the bottom shelf before returning to bed. I pop the top off one and set the other on the side table beside me on standby. The cool liquid slides down my throat, soothing my insides as it sloshes into the pit of my stomach.
If only the blond devil could see me now, double-fisting at close to two o’clock in the morning.
My lips curl into a smirk as I allow my thoughts to drift.
Callie Kingston came into Josie’s backyard yesterday like a blinding ray of sunlight. Pin-straight hair, not a shiny strand out of place. Killer curves wrapped in that tight, yellow dress. Everything about her screamed perfection. Money. Luxury. Look but don’t touch.
Everything I despise.
But today, when she practically tried to run through me, she seemed different. Off. Her mask had slipped, revealing something else entirely.
Wild, golden waves cascaded down her back, a slight frizz to them, like she’d been sweating in the sun all day. (The girl was wearing a cardigan in the middle of summer—I broke a sweat just looking at her.) Without the ginormous sunglasses in the way, I was able to catch a glimpse of her stunning emerald irises.
But it isn’t her obvious outer beauty that has me thinking about her in the middle of the night.
Something flashed in those eyes of hers, something worldly. Like she’d seen too much, experienced more than someone her age should have. She was so deep in thought that she didn’t even see me standing there in the middle of the walkway. As if whatever was on her mind consumed her.
I know the kinds of secrets that lurk behind the closed doors of the wealthy. Know how they can eat you alive from the inside until there is nothing left but a shell of yourself. Rotting flesh and bone for the vultures to pick apart.
What’s your secret, princess?
I polish off my second beer, and my stomach rumbles. I had two bites of lasagna at dinner. Lost my appetite after Serenity tried to wrap her fingers around my thumb when I reached for the bread basket. The gentle affection seared my skin, a branding iron on top of a gaping wound.
I couldn’t stand the jealousy that coursed through me when I saw the interactions between Josie and Dan. The love and adoration that poured from their hearts nearly drowned me, not because they didn’t deserve it—my sister deserves everything good in this world—but didn’t I deserve it too?
I did once.
What’s left for me now?
My empty stomach growls again. Since I’ll likely be up the rest of the night—always am after a nightmare—I shove my feet into my sneakers and head across the yard to Josie’s house.
I punch the code into the alarm pad and slide open the glass door. Expecting everyone to be asleep, I’m surprised to find Josie, Dan, and Lucas sitting on stools at the granite island in the kitchen.
“Come to join the party?” Dan tips his World’s Best Dad mug in my direction.
“Didn’t know there was one.”
“Lucas here can’t sleep.” Josie presses her lips to the top of his head. “Think he had a nightmare.”
Lucas whimpers and nuzzles his nose against her neck.
“That makes two of us.” I gesture to the stainless-steel fridge. “Mind if I make something to eat?”
Dan waves a hand. “Knock yourself out, brother.”
“So, anyway,” Josie says, continuing the conversation I barged in on, “Serenity pulled down her sweater, and there were all these bruises on her arm.”