Brian bursts out laughing and immediately hushes himself, probably so he won’t wake up Trista.
“How freaked out was he, and how much did you enjoy torturing him?”
“Very and very,” I admit with a laugh, but it’s short-lived. “He was injured, and then Jill had a minor heart attack. It’s why he’s back.”
“Oh.” That’s all Brian seems to be able to say as his laughter dies off as well.
“He shut me out, so completely and suddenly, it’s like he’s scared of talking to me, really talking to me, though I can tell he wants to.” I take a deep breath and exhale. “I called him a coward.”
“Oh, Phoebe.” Brian’s heavy sigh is all the affirmation I need to what I already know—I totally screwed up. “Andy has always been emotion-driven. He’s probably scared out of his mind at facing you, facing all of us. The prospect of being rejected and getting affirmation for his worst fear—that we all hate him and that he’s lost the people he considered family.”
“We’re still his family, B, I told him that. I had to argue with him, and I’m still not sure he believes me.”
“It’s not about what he believes. It’s about his willingness to accept that he’s not alone in the world. The guy used to be the Miriam-Webster definition of ‘the world is his oyster.’ This new reality, where he suddenly feels like he doesn’t belong anywhere, is not an easy thing to adjust to.” I blow out an exasperated sigh. “Decide how far you’re willing to go, how long you’re willing to wait.”
“Is that it?” I roll my eyes, more at the world than at Brian.
“No,” Brian replies with a sigh. “You want to know what the biggest mistake I made with Tris was?”
“Waiting ten years to get off your ass and actually do something about your feelings?” I guess.
“No. Well, yeah, but in LA,” he clarifies. “I winged it. I jumped on a plane without having a clear endgame. I wasn’t willing to commit to what I really wanted, and the result was that I got lost in the moment and lost sight of what really mattered.”
“And I could easily get lost with Andy.” My eyes squeeze shut, and I exhale through my nose.
“Right, so the most important part isn’t the waiting; it’s figuring out what you’re waiting for. Okay, Sis?”
“Yeah. Thank you. That helped,” I confess. “Love you, B. Give Trista a kiss from me. Wait. No, ew.”
“Shut up, and go to sleep.” He laughs and hangs up, leaving me in a mix of amusement and confusion.
“Okay.” I lift my phone after a minute of contemplating and hit the dial.
Andy
It’s after 2 AM by the time I return to the hotel.
I’ve been jogging aimlessly for a while, burning time and energy, trying to get myself fatigued enough that my body forces me to sleep. Maybe dreamlessly, probably not.
But first I need a shower. I just finish stripping and turn on the water when my phone rings, my heart stopping its beat when I see the name flashing across the screen.
“Andy?” Phoebe’s hesitant voice breaks me out of my trance, and I realize I’ve answered her call without even thinking.
“I’m here,” I reply, not knowing what else to say.
“Don’t drop the case.”
The silence stretches out as she waits for me to respond.
“Okay,” I finally answer, not sure what else to say.
“She meant something to you. Claire?” I hum an affirmation. “She left you in charge for a reason. I think you should respect her wishes.”
“Okay.”
“I’m sorry about calling you a coward,” Phoebe continues, and I can picture her biting her nails down to the flesh. I wonder if that’s still a thing she does.
“It’s okay.”
“You’re being very communicative today,” she observes, making me smile ruefully.
“I accept your apology, and I’ll stay involved in The Lantern to the extent you want me to be.”
“Okay,” she concludes, followed by deafening silence. “Andy?”
“Yeah?”
“Professional with a dash of friendly, right?”
“Right.” I smile, a smidgen of the pressure in my temples evaporating. “Good night.”
“Good night.”
I don’t know what to make of that call, or of the fact that Phoebe also had trouble sleeping after the explosion we had at her place. Every cell in my body wanted to see that fight through, air out all the residue we have piled up between us.
But that would have given me hope. Hope that maybe once we clear the debris, we can find our way back to each other. Hope is a dangerous thing because when you don’t get the end result you were vying for, it can shatter you.
So, I ran. Like a coward.
“Damn it!” I stop myself from yelling or smashing my fist into the mirror, and instead, I settle for an ice-cold shower.
It’s not like I’ll get any sleep tonight anyway.
Chapter Ten
Phoebe
“Hey, babe.” Zoe beams at me through the computer screen.
“Hi, Zo.” I wave with a smile of my own. “Where’s Trista?”
As if hearing me all the way across the world, Trista’s image pops on the screen.
“Hey!” She greets us with a cheerful tone and does a little happy dance.
“What got you all happy?” I frown, and Zoe stifles a laugh. “Ew! No! Stop!”
“We landed in the Philippines this morning,” Trista explains through her own laughter. “I was sure B was going to be a nervous wreck, but he’s so excited, Phoebs. It’s like when he finally realized he doesn’t need Sebastian’s approval or permission. He’s released that crazy burden he’s been carrying for so long.”
“I wish I was there to see for myself.” A sense of joy fills me, knowing that my brother is finally defeating his demons.
“He couldn’t have done it without you, both of you, Mac too.” Trista looks at us with longing. “God, I wish you were here. You should have been a part of this, all of it.”
“This is something B needed to do alone, Tris. You…” I take a deep breath and try to recall the exact words. “He wanted you there because you help lighten his burden, that’s what he said.”
“He did?” Trista’s hand rests over her heart, and her eyes well up with tears.
“Hey, we meet to drink, not to cry!” Zoe exclaims through her own tears.
“Oh please, we cry more often than not during these happy hours,” I point out, taking a sip from my rosé trying to soothe my own raging emotions.
“Did you call Andy last night after your talk with B?” Trista wisely chooses to change the subject.
“Yeah, what were you guys doing asleep at 2 PM China time, anyway?” I inquire, regretting it immediately when Trista’s face breaks into a mischievous smile. “Oh, God, never mind. Yes, I called Andy.”
“What happened with Andy?” Zoe hides her snickers behind her own glass of red wine.
“He came to dinner at my place last night and freaked out. Turns out, he was injured, and his mom had a heart attack from the stress. We started talking, he freaked out again, I got mad, called him a coward, he left,” I recap.